Arts & Culture

Adam Sandler Is Ruining My Life

Is Adam Sandler making anybody else feel really old? Read More

By / January 21, 2011

This news about Adam Sandler playing Andy Samberg’s dad is making me feel really old.  First Winona Ryder pulled that crap where she played Spock’s mom, and now Happy Gilmore is going to play the poppa of a guy who is only two years older than I am.

As if that wasn’t bad enough: has anybody else realized that we’re a few years away from the 20th anniversary of Billy Madison?  Back then, I had to get my friend Philip Shapiro’s older brother to drive me to the theater so I could learn to sing “Veronica Vaughn, so hot.  Want to touch the heiney!”

Why are you doing this to me Adam (Sandler)?  I think I owned at least 5 copies of They’re All Gonna Laugh at You, 2 of which were gifted to me at my Bar Mitzvah.  In 1998, I went to go see The Waterboy, by myself, because I didn’t have any friends at the start of my freshman year.  I’ve been there for you!

Adam, I’m begging you: don’t play Andy Samberg’s dad.  Instead, please consider that script I sent you, “Billy Madison 2: Return of the Hebadoo!”  You’re still too young to make me feel so old!