The Jewcy Fitness Plan: Jennie & Patrick Do Kabbalah Yoga
This is week two of Jennie & Patrick’s fitness journal for your viewing pleasure. Not only will they be reporting the embarrassing details of their physical disrepair, but, like all good Jewish professionals should, they’ll be making this a Jewish … Read More
This is week two of Jennie & Patrick’s fitness journal for your viewing pleasure. Not only will they be reporting the embarrassing details of their physical disrepair, but, like all good Jewish professionals should, they’ll be making this a Jewish fitness journey. Each week they’ll be reviewing a new Jewish fitness fad and reporting whether the Chosen method de-schlubinates as promised. Read Week One.
This Week’s Jewish Fitness Fad Review:
Kabbalah Yoga: Creating Your Own Fountain of Youth with Yvonne Dayan
This DVD is more than just downward kosher dog and tree-of-life pose. Kabbalah Yoga promises “rejuvenation of your reproductive center,” thymus and pineal gland stimulation, and neuron growth. In fact, Kabbalah Yoga suggests you could add 20 or 30 more years to your life!
The 20 minute routine takes us through a series of yoga poses which, we are told, open our bodies and minds to each of the 10 Sephirot, the 10 aspects of G-d, which are also within us. By doing yoga poses to open our Malkush, Yesod, Hod, Netzach, Tiferet, Gevurah, Chesed, Binah, Keter, and Chokhmah, guru Yvonne Dayan says many wonderful goodies will come our way. However… I’ve been walking around with my Chokhmah open all week and no one’s even noticed.
In all seriousness, Kabbalah Yoga is a relaxing time, a fine yoga stretch, and decent Sephirot review for those of us who are Jewish professionals and may need to know this stuff.
As far as de-schlubinating: forget about it. I jogged, hip-hop danced, and skipped dessert to lose my 2 lbs. this week.
Pounds Lost: 2, 11% on the Chicken Meter of her total goal of 18 lbs.
Now, I’m going to be honest here…I hate yoga. I’ve tried it twice and both times I found it to be a disturbing experience. Frankly, I have a musician’s body which is meant to run around, act crazy, get injured, and heal itself before getting back in the van. I’m not meant to feel the Will of the Universe or anything like that.
My second beef with yoga is that it’s impossible to follow the instructions and do the poses. I keep looking up at the screen to see what I’m supposed to do, then fall on my ass.
I’ve read the Cliff Notes version of the Zohar and I’m pretty sure that the Baal Shem Tov wasn’t into downward dog. I’ll leave this activity to those Ju-Bu’s I hear so much about. That’s all I can say without jumping into Lashon Hara territory.
A steady diet of my new favorite cocktail (Saint Germaine, orange vodka, and ginger ale) and the last remaining pieces of my fiancee’s bridal shower cake are not helping my cause on the dietary front.
I have found that using my iPhone “Lose It” app at least keeps me in a neurotic self-conscious state. My daily allotted calories are around 1,300, which, for me, is like skipping a meal and a half a day. I wonder if this constitutes a technologically induced eating disorder? But heck, I did lose two pounds. Go me!
Pounds Lost: 2, 7% on the Groom Meter of his total goal of 28 lbs.
Each week Jennie & Patrick will be checking in with their progress, updating their stats and pics, as well as reviewing a Jewish fitness fad.
Next Week’s Jewish Fitness Fad: Chai Bo
Tune in next week for their fitness update and fad review.