Sex & Love
FFJD: 21st Century Yentas
A handy guide to being set up as well as setting up in the 21st century. Read More
I enjoy being set up. This is just me.
I could probably have a conversation with a sloth and not get bored. Except for the fact that sloths happen to smell bad. But at least it’s not a sleazy guy who smells like Ralph Lauren “Polo Sport.” (ORIGINAL CHOICE, GENTLEMEN. I am scarred by this one boy in seventh grade who really just poured it on every day. You know how scent is the strongest sense tied to memory? Now that I think of that trauma, I also can definitely recall seven friends who wore Angel by Thierry Mugler or Light Blue, as can you, I’m sure.)
I also enjoy setting other people up (srsly, email me and I probably will want to!) It’s not for everyone, but I really recommend it. Your friends/family/people you’re close to have your best interests at heart and the gift of seeing you from an outsider’s perspective.
Even though that “adorable” boy your Aunt pushed you to go out with once smelled like weird Patchouli (this post seems to have a scent theme?), was really tiny, and made asides to his band, Jewdas Priest, (I’m here all night!), it might be worth it.
If you are being set-up, by your friend Sara who has a mild substance abuse problem, and a moderate Jimmy Choo problem, but like knows everyone ever and tells you that you MUST go out with Ben because he’s, like, SO SWEET, here are three important things you should probz know:
1. Don’t do too much previous research.
This is just true all around (re: expectations, being a crazed Facebook stalker such as yours truly, the extensive Google about what your new date swam in the IM relay in 8th grade, etcetera.) Just try to stray away from it. Your friend/Rabbi/fav grocery-bagger Rob already endorses this person, so let that be enough.
2. Be polite.
The whole point is, you’re probably going to see/encounter/be at an event with/tweet at this person at some point in life. So like, don’t be a total douche if you don’t like him or her. There are polite ways to reject someone (which was discussed in previous Saying No posts), and then there’s “UGH DEB I AM NEVER LETTING SARAH SET ME UP AGAIN YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THIS BOY’S DANDRUFF I FELT LIKE I WAS REENACTING THE BREAKFAST CLUB. BUT WITHOUT THE MAKEOUT WITH JUDD NELSON AND THE AWESOME SUSHI LUNCH.”
3. Don’t put your friend in the middle.
I’ve been in this sitjewation before. I’ve wanted the 411 on some dude and been like ZOMG he’s so awesome I want to marry him you were so right WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT ME.
It’s probably a bad idea. Let whoever set you up step out of the picture.
I made the mistake in college of putting a good friend in the middle of a really unhealthy relationship (I mean, if you could call it that….#thatscalledcollege) and he was enough of a gem to stick it out and not hit me over the head with my George Foreman because of my whining. I didn’t use it (the grill), it was just a convenient holder for lip glosses. (You know, the little griddle one. They don’t roll off!)
Additionally: have fun, be safe (if that means having your birthday sponsored by a condom company), wear your seatbelt, and don’t wear too much perfume (scents again!). It’s the worst.
Email your FFJD story to email@example.com!