Sex & Love
FFJD: Straightening My Hair 101
What’s the best way to straighten hair? Not that we don’t love messy and unmanageable locks of Jewfro… Read More
Hello, FFJD-ers. It is I, Professor Meredith, here to discuss a very important issue with you: hair straightening. I tweet and joke a lot about Brazilian and Japanese straightening, but I have requests for recommendations and tips.
I have had a long-standing beef with my head: my wavy hair. That’s not to say that I’m even entirely sure what my real hair looks like, but I’m pretty sure I don’t like it. I began blow-drying my hair in 6th grade, which was followed by straightening irons – first amateur-hour Conair ones, then the big guns like Chi, and then eventually I just began chemically straightening my hair.
I have Japanese straightened my hair a total of eight times, and Brazilian straightened it four. Let’s just say I have fewer brain cells, but an excess of knowledge.
Therefore, I hope you’re all taking notes.
1. Japanese Hair Straightening
This is a JAP classic. It’s a permanent treatment, so your hair WON’T go back to being curly. The process takes about six hours, and can be laborious and tedious. I suggest bringing a book, 16 magazines, or your Blackberry charger because you will definitely run out after BBMing everyone in your list.
The process is like this: washing your hair, then coating it with goo and waiting and washing it out, and then ironing it with a teeny tiny iron that is so infuriatingly slow you literally could have flow to LA in the time it takes to do this. BUT you have straight hair.
Japanese can be particularly dangerous because if you have very curly hair, it will be VERY noticeable when it starts to grow out. Like, excessively fake Louis Vuitton noticeable. You also probably shouldn’t do Japanese if you color your hair.
I once did with highlights, and half of my hair fell out. That was really traumatizing, and you’d think that would make me stop. Nope.
2. Brazilian Hair Straightenting
This process is newer.
I’m not entirely sure the differences between Brazilian and Keratin or if they’re the same, but there is a lot of talk about the health risks of it. So just know that going in.
The price is lower than Japanese, but it doesn’t last as long. You don’t have to wait as many days before washing your hair, which is good. The most recent process I did, you can even wash immediately. Note: your hair will smell a lil funky for a while. You can do it with coloring, although I haven’t. The process is like this: you wash your hair, put goo in, then blow dry and flat iron the goo, then rinse and condition.
Brazilian, in my opinion, is easier and better because it doesn’t create such harsh lampshade-straight hair. You know what I’m talking about. It’s just not as noticeable. It also stops working gradually and “washes out.”
3. Blow Drying and Straightenting.
Waste of time, money, and arm-maneuvering. Just go with the chemicals. FFJD ain’t no FDA.
Email FFJD at email@example.com!