Sex & Love

FFJD: Meeting The Parents

Five tips for meeting the parents this holiday season. Read More

By / December 16, 2010
Jewcy loves trees! Please don't print!

Maybe this holidayze season: Hanukkah, Christmas, some ambiguous holiday that combines the best of both worlds (like my family’s Hanukkah bush with a Jewish star atop…shhh) are you bringing a significant or insignificant other home? This is great, but also could spell potential disaster.

Having your your gf/bf meet your parents and crazy Aunt Sue can be trying. Hell, it might even be some random hookup/sometimes you date because you don’t really want to go another family guilt-ridden holiday without someone by your side (although you met Adult Friend Finder)

Mostly because Aunt Sue’s idea of Hanukkah derives from a strange dance and a rendition of “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” because elegance is learned, my friend. Elegance is learned.

Don’t make the same mistake I did with an ex; where I met his Orthodox parents while minutes before having placed shrimp in the apartment freezer (sorry Moses and Abraham) as a result of a power outage and my melting Costco-filled fridge. To then unload similarly melting soups with his mother, while simultaneously pushing the shrimp as deep into the back as possible, hopping on one foot, praying she doesn’t notice, and trying not to laugh because this might be the largest example of Karma I’ve ever seen. She didn’t notice, thankfully. But I think the lil shrimpies touched her soup. Oops. I’m getting smoted.

Here are a few tips for meeting the parents of said person you are somewhat to moderately romantically involved with:

1. Whatever you do, do not bring up that time with the Johnny Walker and the traffic cone.

What happens in college, should stay in college (or on Facebook).

2. Small gifts are good.

If you’re going to his or her house, something thoughtful, not expensive is good. Flowers, cookies, a card. Maybe wine, but make sure they drink first (potentially extremely awkward. Oh, you stopped drinking? That’s funny, because your daughter drinks like a fish. What? I said your daughter swims like a fish. Such a natural!)

3. His mom or her mom’s cooking is by far the best thing you’ve ever ingested.

I don’t really care if her kugel/lasagna/meatball surprise tastes like what you’d imagine was served to Lindsay Lohan in prison amidst all of the cans of Coke Lilo is addicted to (not that kind of coke). Because it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted. And you want more, right now. A lot more. Jeggings, leggings, and khakis with different buttons depending on amount of pie ingested are key. (Or cake, or CAKE PIE.)

4. Do not talk about your dating blog.

Been there, done that.