Sex & Love

Fifty First (J) Dates: Five Places to Meet Boys

So I know this article has been done time and time again, but below is a list of five places I’ve met guys before (in PERSON, ::gasp::) and maybe you will too. Who am I to turn to for dating … Read More

By / August 26, 2010
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So I know this article has been done time and time again, but below is a list of five places I’ve met guys before (in PERSON, ::gasp::) and maybe you will too. Who am I to turn to for dating advice like this? I dunno.

My dog trusts me enough to pick up her poop and carry it around with me while she continues sniffing telephone poles, so maybe you’ll trust me enough to tell you where to meet male specimens, not involving the art of flipping New York Times baggies inside out.

1. Sporting Events.

This one’s a duh, but I’m not the biggest athletics enthusiast we’ve ever met. I know a few football players, because tushies look nice in spandex. Boys like girls who like sports, the end. I went to the Nationals game this week (Is Zimmerman a jew?) and saw lots of cute boys milling around the Ben’s Chili Bowl.

While it’s hard to strike up conversation when you’re mid cheez fry, pondering just how many Prilosecs you’re going to have to ingest before you get reflux akin to a trucker, you can try anyway.

2. Supermarkets.

When I lived in NYC, the Trader Joe’s next to my building was choc-full-of hotties around 7 pm. One pre-made burrito and a 6-pack in his basket? Single. “Do you want to go back to your apartment and nuke our respective dinners and then talk about how much we love Arcade Fire and The Highline?”

3. Steakhouses.

I went to Ray’s the Steaks on Wednesday and there were about three chicks total. Aside from almost getting a coronary from the portion and caloric depth of the dishes, I saw some cute boys. Every other table was dudes, “working” on their steaks (only in America would eating be verbalized as “work”) and pounding on their chests yelling “Me want women to bring into cave. Pass me salt. Wrong. That pepper. See less holes? Me want salt.”

4. At the Gym.

I know, you’re like, Meredith really? I am sweaty and my thong is hanging out and I’m trying really hard to be pumped up yet again by the same effing Gloria Estefan mixtape. Gotta love Gloria. Vamos!

Slogans like “I break for hot girls” or college tees are a great conversation starter. “Oh you went to Michigan? My best friend from camp with there! Yes, Sara Weinstein. I know, she was like that in Bunk 12 too. Once a floozy, always a floozy!”

Be sure to wear dated Soffe shorts with something across your cheeks.

(Case in point, Ramona from RHONY met her husband because he asked her if she was the “girl in the green g-string” from the gym. Stuff that dreams are made of.)

5. Family Vacations.

I am a firm believer that family vacations are great places to meet guys. I met my ex-boyfriend on a cruise ship. He was hitting on me in a life-vest. Seriously.

But really, families with similar values and characteristics tend to choose the same vacation spots. Not to mention you get a good idea of where your prospective mate came from – his crazed Aunt Martha who yells out periodically during dinner that “the British are coming!” and his adorable dorky Dad who pauses to take video of every disembarkation while saying things like “Tommy, wave! Wave Tommy! Wave!” before tripping over his New Balances with high white socks. (Why do Dads love high socks so much? Did they form a pact about this? No Shin Left Uncovered?)

Sidle up to that cutie who looks so miserable and share in the mutual frustration. “Oh your family won’t stop pointing out your faults too? I thought I was the only one who was forced to relive every wrong decision I’ve ever made. I like your Fineman Family FunFest 2010 shirt, shorts, fanny pack, and hat. When all worn together it adds some nice cohesion to your group. Let’s take some shots.”

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