Sex & Love
The FFJD: Dumping Someone
Dumping, breaking up, blowouts, crying, barfing, chocolate – it’s all hard. Except for the chocolate part. But really, let’s discuss breaking up for a second. Read More
Here at the FFJD offices, we discuss dating a lot. First dates mostly, or whether or not you should wait for the NJB to call you back or call at all or how to get your hair straightened properly. But sometimes we have to talk about the other end of dating – dumping. Dumping, breaking up, blowouts, crying, barfing, chocolate – it’s all hard. Except for the chocolate part. But really, let’s discuss breaking up for a second.
Break-ups suck. Together said “the hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff.” That and getting back yourself, I’d say. But really, ending a relationship, whether it was three months, three years, or 13 drunken makeouts, is still hard. I always debate being dumpee or dumper, which is harder? I’m not sure. On one hand, being the dumpee you don’t have to do the dumping. But being the dumper, you better be sure you’re doing the dumping properly. Not sure I’ve used the word “dump” this much since Sisqo was cool. Onwards.
I can’t tell you when to break up with someone. That’s something very subjective, personal, and almost impossible to advise upon. But, if you decide that it’s come to a point when the bad outweighs the good, that you love her but not enough to try to make it work, then it’s important to dump well. And by dump well I mean with respect and care.
There is no right way to do this either, there are just a few things that ought to be maintained. Nobody really wants to be either party, but let’s discuss some etiquette surrounding it.
This sounds really dumb, but it’s true. Even if the relationship wasn’t long or “serious” (although we’ve discussed that the term is open to interpretation), this is someone that you dated. You, I’m assuming, have seen them naked, even with some lights on. You saw them stand in front of the mirror and make pouty faces. Therefore, treat him or her with respect. But that doesn’t mean sugarcoat, or be condescending.
Don’t lie. Really, don’t. For several reasons. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to them. Although it may suck and hurt and he or she doesn’t want to hear the real reason that will maybe make them sit along wistfully and or sobbing violently in a Barnes and Noble and then ponder getting another slice of coffee cake, shoot from the hip. It’s really important, especially if it’s someone you once loved or love and who loves you back. Nobody likes being dumped, but reaaally nobody likes being lied to. Especially because you, in my opinion, owe the honest truth to the dumpee. That way, you can both learn from the relationship and move on appropriately and know what to work on and maybe in her next torrid affair she shouldn’t always pick fights about your mother or something. It’s important to know what didn’t work so that you know what does in the future.
Not to mention – if there is another person involved, the dumpee will probably find out in the next five minutes when you bring her to your formal. It’s better to be upfront about it now.
Always do it in person.
You have to do this in person. I don’t care if it’s hard, or if you don’t wanna, or if you’d rather sit at home at watch Scrubs reruns and wonder why the janitor guy is such an asshole to Zach Braff’s character, but really, if you care about someone, dump them to their face. Everyone deserves that at least. No phone, NO email, no text. Really.
Also – do this in a nonpublic venue – chances are there will be crying or screaming (hopefully not), and it’d be better if you weren’t seated next to some college students or hipsters at a coffee shop who are really annoyed you’re yelling over their Adele.