Sex & Love

The Pleasure Principle: Freudian Sex Advice with Bambi: Orthodox Dreams and Downtown Desires

Our resident sexpert helps a girl who wants her goyfriend to become a rabbi. Read More

By / November 19, 2010

Q: My dear little sister, the one who failed to get Bat Miztvahed due to Transatlantic moves, has become increasingly concerned with her Jewishness.

She is expressing the desire to become Orthodox and foremost in her plan is the idea that she will one day be a Rabbi’s wife.

She has informed her uber-goy boyfriend that he must go through an Orthodox conversion, and become a rabbi or she will not marry him, but is also looking for tips on how she can meet and secure the life long affection of a bonafide Rabbi, in case his conversion doesn’t work out.

A: The probability of goyfriend successfully turning rabbi is slimmer than your sister’s slam-dunk as a pious Orthodox Rabbi’s plus one. He’s probably way behind in his studies, and a lover going so far as to shape future career paths to fit a mate’s tastes sounds laughably like the foil of a Jonathan Franzen novel.  Figuring she’s willing to commit the years of study and that her uterus can expel a baker’s dozen, the rest is pretty basic feminine allure, knowing her audience, and strategically placing herself in menschy breeding grounds, like Birthright (a “Jewish Fuckfest” by most accounts) and Hillel gatherings at a campus near you.

But let us analyze ze wish for Orthodox success, one that seems to have surprised you:

We should then assume that in every human being there exist, as the primary cause of dream-formation, two psychic forces (tendencies or systems), one of which forms the wish expressed by the dream, while the other exercises a censorship over this dream-wish, thereby enforcing on it a distortion. The question is: What is the nature of the authority of this second agency by virtue of which it is able to exercise its censorship?

As a close sibling who knows her sister’s deepest wish in life, do you know from where this desire and conclusion derives? Lie her down on the couch and have a tête-à-tête. Guilt-riddled ultimatums for boyfriends and lamenting the Bat Mitzvah that never was, she must consider: are these of the id, the dream and wish-producing factory of the honest unconscious, or of the censoring ego: that which protects the self and produces artificial rationalization to make up for more troubling matters in the id. To consciously analyze the state of her union might be best before otherwise formidable boyfriend (unless otherwise stated by the id) and lifestyle are chucked by the wayside for another worldview that comes with its own baggage in the longrun.

Q: Dan Savage says if a guy shows up without a propensity for giving head, you should send him back to the factory to be refurbished. In my situation, even though I like oral pleasure to be sure, he’s got a lot of other things going on worth bragging about. He’s just indifferent to going down. How do I handle this?

A: On the topic of your man’s indifference, Freud has written,

But many dreams which appear indifferent, in which we should never suspect a tendency in any particular direction, may be traced, according to the analysis, to unmistakably sexual wish-impulses, often of an unsuspected nature. For example, who, before it had been interpreted, would have suspected a sexual wish in the following dream? The dreamer relates: Between two stately palaces there stands, a little way back, a small house, whose doors are closed. My wife leads me along the little bit of road leading to the house and pushes the door open, and then I slip quickly and easily into the interior of a courtyard that slopes steeply upwards.

His indifference is nonexistent–inaction speaks louder than words. Every girl is different, and knowing what captivates your attention is key to knowing your plan of attack. Perhaps he can be swayed into the service industry. Reassociating his services rendered to be more about eyecandy dripping with ecstasy with reciprocated rewards to follow makes it less about selflessly giving himself to your selfish requests (just keep his mind off of that fact).

But if you’ve scored a guy with the epic proportions you crave, don’t get too picky over the menu selections–prix fixe is always divine, but if anything you can always grab dessert at another restaurant.

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