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Existential Inbox Dread

The longer I have an email account, the more menacingly philosophical the spam sent to it becomes. Check out some of the subject lines of junk mail I've received recently:

Have you ever thought your entire life may come to an end while you waited for the opportunity?

I worry about that all the time. All the time. 

What if you suddenly realize you can afford much less than you'd like to? 

Fuck! Shit! What do I do, what do I do?

Is the path you've chosen the right one… for refinancing your mortgage? 

I'm a renter, but food for thought. 

We'll put inches on you to make her whimper. 

Could you be more specific, please?

Maybe the problem is you. 

Shouldn't you withhold judgment until I reply first? 

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