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Republican Base To Hispanics: “Go Back to Hispania!”

Latinos are the fastest growing demographic group in the nation and will play an increasingly decisive role in elections for the foreseeable future. George Bush got re-elected in 2004 by pulling off an eighteen point swing in the Latino vote … Read More

By / May 8, 2008

Latinos are the fastest growing demographic group in the nation and will play an increasingly decisive role in elections for the foreseeable future. George Bush got re-elected in 2004 by pulling off an eighteen point swing in the Latino vote versus 2000. Hence Republicans should get down on their star-spangled knees to give thanks that their party stumbled, with one hilarious pratfall after another, into nominating John McCain. He's not just the only Republican candidate with even an outside shot of winning this year's election. He's the only one not emphatically determined to reduce the GOP to a rump Anglo regional party of the old Confederacy.

So while the eyes of the nation were fixed on the North Carolina and Indiana Democratic primaries, McCain used the occasion of Cinco de Mayo to quietly step up his outreach to Latino voters, launching a Spanish-language version of his website featuring endorsement spots en español (naturalmente) from several prominent Mas Canosistas, and agreeing to speak at the upcoming La Raza conference. That's the right thing to do on the merits, bodes well for McCain administration immigration policy (i.e., being for it), and strikes a blow against racism and xenophobia. Also, it's the smart thing to do politically, not just for this election and for McCain personally, but for the long-term viability of his party.

Naturally, paranoid psychopaths on right alternate between thinking McCain is an unwitting dupe of a nefarious plot to reverse the outcome of the Mexican war, and thinking he's personally scheming to force-teach Wetback speech to every American, the better to understand landscaping and fruit-picking orders from our new greasy mustachioed overlords.

Can I give a word of advice to my Republican friends? The Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo is quite secure, I promise. If somebody somewhere on the internet says otherwise, this is one of those rare cases where somebody somewhere on the internet is wrong. What's more, however impeccable Michelle Malkin's credentials on the urgent need to deport all Arabs and put the Mexicans in concentration camps (or is that the other way around?), she doesn't have any actual proof that John McCain is the Manchurian candidate of the conspiracy to restore the Aztec empire, just a lot of craziness and projection. As McCain might put it, if we've been occupying Aztlan for a hundred years with no American casualties, why stop now?

Far from being a Mexican secret agent, McCain is the best thing that could have happened to you. True, he may not really care about your domestic agenda one way or the other. But as long as you're willing to keep supporting his vision of an enduring peace built on a character-building Hobbesian war of all against all freedom, he'll give you young, healthy, virile supreme court justices who'll snip whichever rights you don't approve of out of the Constitution (unlike those liberal pussies Scalia and Thomas); he'll mortgage your great-grandchildren's houses to  sustain the Bush administration's explosion of government size and scope; hell, he'll even torture some evil-doers. All you have to put up with is just a little salsa caliente rhythm in the step of strawberry-pickers 2000 miles from your house.

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