Valentine’s Day Top Ten
I’ve noticed a pattern in my posts this week: I’ve been making lists. Lists indicate a tendency toward organization, which I fail to exhibit elsewhere in my life. So in honor of my newfound organizational skills and of the upcoming … Read More
I’ve noticed a pattern in my posts this week: I’ve been making lists. Lists indicate a tendency toward organization, which I fail to exhibit elsewhere in my life. So in honor of my newfound organizational skills and of the upcoming Jewish holiday Saint Valentine’s Day, I offer my Jewcy readers yet another list:
My Top Ten Favorite Things About Valentine’s Day
1. Scripture Candy, the company that makes conversation candy hearts that say "God loves you." (This is the same company that makes Happy Birthday Jesus Pops.)
2. People who say "Valentine’s Day is just a Hallmark holiday," as if they came up with that idea themselves.
3. The fact that no one knows who Saint Valentine was. (No one knows who Saint Patrick was, either. This stops no one from celebrating them with gusto.)
4. The theory that Saint Valentine was actually a bunch of martyred saints, and our subsequent national decision to commemorate the martyred saints with expensive prix fixe menus.
5. Men who propose to their girlfriends on February 14. These are the same men who lost their virginity on prom night.
6. That it’s the one day of the year when scary stalker types can call themselves "secret admirers." Cute.
7. Frank Gusenberg, victim of the 1929 Valentine’s Day Massacre, whose last words were, "I’m not gonna talk. Nobody shot me." Bad ass.
8. The High Court of Love, established on Valentine’s Day in 1400 in Paris. Women selected the judges based on their poetry readings.
9. Valentine’s Day 2007, when Hugo Chavez said he missed Condoleezza Rice.
10. Folding red construction paper in half and cutting out half a heart, so when you open it, you have a whole heart, creased down the center.
Happy Valentine’s Day, readers. May your stalkers become your admirers, and may you find meaning and truth in your candy.