This Maria. Boris dead. I say no pee on electric fence. Boris pee on electric fence.

Last contest to honor memory:

Best Epitaph for Boris Jackson
(If you cannot think of an epitaph, you may also come up with the best erotic fantasy involving Boris Jackson and a plate of warm noodle kugel.)

Last week winner:

Mason Lerner.

Adios,

Maria

Howdy.

Last week we ran a meta-contest with the promise that the winning entry would be this week’s contest. Because there were only two entries and because they were both darn good, I’ve decided to declare both of them winners. So, this week, you can respond to any of the following challenges:

#1) From Jennifer Predigerowitz:

If you really were a rich man, would you actually yiedel, diedel, daydel, diedel, diedel dum and biddy biddy bum?

Probably not, right?

So what would you really sing or do if you were a wealthy man?

#2) From necroemoticon:

Best name for Boris' beard style. (My suggestion: "The Tsiggee".)

Please note: If you cannot come up with an answer to #1 or #2, you may also respond to this challenge:

Come up with the …

Best concept for a reality show involving a grizzly bear, a naked used car salesman, and Kosher Sex Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

Please remember that the deadline is Friday at 5:00 PM and that only registered members can win.

-BJ

Howdy,

I’m back. I thought we could try a meta-contest this time.

Your challenge is to come up with the …

Best Boris Jackson Challenge

(The winning response will be the official challenge for the following week. You can see previous challenges here, here, and here.)

Thanks to all of you who entered last week’s contest – especially those of you who registered.  The big prize goes to JewcyJuice, who somehow found a way to tackle both of last week’s challenge options at once:

2 in 1

I would like to pickle Abe Foxman's immoral tongue since it has gotten him in such a pickle. If anyone ever truly heard its use in full scope, he/she would have undoubtedly panicked and then jumped into the burning pit of kasha varnishka without making a sound.

I also want to thank you for all of your prayers.  They worked. My feet are still swollen, and I’m covered in scabs, but I feel terrific. Special thanks to Maria for filling in for me last week. She’s a fine woman, and I’m a lucky man to have her on my team.

BJ
--Please remember that the deadline is Friday at 5:00 PM and that only registered Jewcy members are eligible to win the Jewcy shirt.

Hello. This is Maria, wife of Boris. Boris sick. Shingles. He give me contest for you.

New challenge is…

Come up with the ..

Best Ending to This Sentence: “I would like to pickle......”

(If you cannot think of an ending to that sentence, it is also acceptable to provide a beginning to this sentence: “…….and then jumped into the burning pit of kasha varnishka without making a sound.”

Please enter your responses in the comments section at the bottom of the post. Deadline: Friday, 5:00 PM. Prize: Jewcy shirt of your choice. (Only registered Jewcy members are eligible for the prize.)

Boris said I pick winner for last week contest. I like Adam Shprintzen.
This summer, David Schwimmer is...
The Collapsing Cantor
You may want to have your hazzan spayed or neutered.

Congratulations.

Say prayer for Boris.

-Maria

Hello folks,

Here’s my new challenge:

Come up with the…

Best Title for a Movie About a Cantor Named Solomon Jonesenstein Who Faints During a Particularly Enthusiastic Rendition of Adon Olam, Only to Wake Up Convinced That He’s The New Host of The Price Is Right. (You may also include the movie's subtitle if you’d like.)

The winner of last week’s contest is Mobius with “You turn me on like a Shabbos goy.”  It’s direct and simple, like a good pick-up line should be.

We had some great anonymous entries to last week’s contest, but to get the shirt of your choice, you gotta register.

Thanks to Karazi/SimpleLiquid for the very thoughtful submission.

Sorry, I can’t write more. Another nutty week out here. Squirrelisha closed David’s hand in the George Foreman Grill, and I think I might have shingles.

-BJ