Also, now that school’s out, it’s time for that most glorious time of year—camp! Stay tuned for Jewcy’s first-ever camp week, which starts on Monday.

5. “If I don’t graduate from something within six months I start getting the shakes,” noted diploma addict James Franco in a speech he admitted was co-written with Seth Rogen.

4. Aaron Sorkin recommended that graduates not try coke, but that’s just your opinion, man.

3. Andy Samberg kissed a dude and advised Harvard students about which majors were worthless—which is itself kind of worthless advice itself on the last day of school.

2. Ira Glass told students at Goucher College that he only succeeded by ignoring his parents’ suggestions he become a doctor, since they were “the only Jews in America who do not listen to public radio.”

1. For some reason commencement speakers who never graduated college tend to give amazing commencement speeches. Neil Gaiman gave one of this year’s best at the University of the Arts, talking about his early years writing, his mistakes, and some “secret freelancer advice”—useful even if you’re not a freelance writer or artist. He also talks about making art out of exploding cats.

(image via Shutterstock)

The post The Best Jewish Commencement Speeches of 2012 appeared first on Jewcy.

These were all valid questions at Carnegie Deli this morning, where Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz proclaimed today “A Jew Grows in Brooklyn Day,” in celebration of the off-Broadway return of Jake Ehrenreich’s musical memoir, “A Jew Grows in Brooklyn.” Ehrenreich’s photograph entered the hallowed ranks of the pastrami pushing palace’s celebrity-lined walls, and a perplexing new sandwich honoring the show was debuted.

Almost every aspect of the event, however, sparked some contention. Why was a show about Brooklyn, with Brooklyn in the title, being celebrated in Manhattan?

And then there was the sandwich, a towering mix of symbolism and functionality on rye.

“Corned beef and pastrami represent the soil,” explained the event’s organizer, Glenna Freedman. “You have to have turkey on a sandwich. Lettuce and tomato for the greenery. Russian dressing because there are so many Russian Jews, and the broccoli garnish on top, for the tree.”

“We thought about chopped liver, but it was just too messy,” she added.

Markowitz, however, had no truck with any highfalutin explanations, and questioned the “Brooklynness” of the sandwich.

“Did you choose these ingredients yourself? Come on!” he mocked, particularly bemused by the sandwich’s blasphemous inclusion of identifiable vegetables. “Are you sure you’re not from California?”

Ehrenreich ably defended himself, noting that the greenery was necessary to keep him ‘regular,’ prompting a very situation-appropriate conversation about their intestinal fortitudes. The arrival of Carnegie proprietor Sandy Levine, who apologized for the “child-sized” portions, turned into a hometown discussion of their rival high schools from the old country across the river.

“There are too many Jews in this room,” someone suggested in a moment of introspection.

On the way out I recreated a smaller version of “A Jew Grows in Brooklyn” out of the “child-sized” portions. Don’t worry; I’ve already called my cardiologist. Markowitz deigned not to give it a try, instead picking up an order of cold borscht with sour cream and a potato on the side.

“Well,” Markowitz said, “back to Brooklyn.”

Markowitz, Ehrenreich, and the sandwich. (Photos by the author).

“A Jew Grows in Brooklyn” is playing at Manhattan’s Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Theater. Tickets available here.

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