• Unemployment rates have soared to 7.6 percent, with 598,000 jobs cut in January 2009 alone. 

• A Florida man was arrested yesterday for simulating sex with two blow up dolls in his car in a supermarket parking lot. He claimed he stopped at the shopping center to buy clothing for the naked inflatable dolls. 

• Vladamir Putin is a huge Abba fan, who knew? According to reports, the Kremlin picked up the bill to fly the Abba cover band Bjorn Again to a top-secret military location for a private show, where Putin and a female guest got down to numbers like "Dancing Queen" and "Mamma Mia."

• According to a CBS news survey, President Barack Obama has an approval rating of 62 percent, which is higher than both Bill Clinton and George W. Bush. 

• Etta James claims she was just kidding when she talked smack about Beyonce at a recent live show. The 71-year-old diva criticized Beyonce’s performance of her sonic claim to fame "At Last" at President Barack Obama’s inaugural ball, and threatened to give Beyonce "a good old fashion ass-whooping."  

• Nadya Suleman, the recent mother of the highly publicized octuplets, had six embryos implanted during her fertility procedure, an amount that is far greater than doctors typically recommend. All of her 14 children were conceived by in-vitro fertilization. 

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• Barack Obama signed the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Restoration Act today, which makes it easier for workers to sue their employers for pay discrimination.  

• An Israeli airstrike hit Gaza today in response to offensive Hamas rocket fire. Eight Palestinians were injured in the blast. 

• U.S. Army Secretary Pete Geren has called for a recall of military body armor after tests confirmed that the bullet-blocking plates in the vest were not up to standard. 

• Despite huge fourth quarter losses, Ford Motor Company is not seeking financial help from the federal government. 

• Wait a minute Mr. Postman! The postmaster general has asked Congress to cut mail delivery from six days a week to five days due to the current economic crisis. 

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• Sales of the "Inspirational Caylee Sunshine Doll," modeled after and made as a tribute to murdered two-year-old Caylee Anthony, have been halted until further notice.  

• The fate of the Auschwitz Museum in Poland hangs in the balance due to lack of funding. The notoriously brutal Nazi concentration camp (which holds the archives of all the people who were murdered there) is literally rotting away, making the preservation of the site difficult.

• President Barack Obama signed two presidential memorandums today that both support a cleaner and greener America by creating stricter policies regarding fuel emissions as well as creating new standards of fuel-efficiency for automakers. 

• One Israeli soldier was killed today when Palestinian militants detonated a bomb at the Gaza border. This comes after a mutual ceasefire between Hamas and Israel was established over a week ago. 

• The world’s second set of live-born octuplets were born this morning in Bellflower, California.

• Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is boycotting his own impeachment trial, stating that it has been rigged against him. In addition, he is authorizing the release of audiotapes recorded by the FBI in an effort to prove his innocence. 

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 Download "Modern Man" now. 

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• The Palestinian Center for Human Rights reported Wednesday that the death toll for Palestinians in Gaza was in fact 1,284 with 4,336 wounded–many of which were civilians. Israel claims Hamas has inflated the number of civilian casualties.  

• Caroline Kennedy has officially withdrawn from the New York Senate race due to personal reasons. According to her assistant, Kennedy’s decision is not related to her uncle Edward Kennedy’s deteriorating health. 

• Oscar Nominations were revealed today in Hollywood. Predictably, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is leading the pack with 13 nominations, followed closely by Danny Boyle’s underdog favorite Slumdog Millionaire. 

• Tech giant Microsoft announced today that they will layoff 5,000 people over the next 18-months. 

• President Barack Obama has called for the closure of Guantanamo Bay within the next year. 

• Two people have been sentenced to death, and one person has been sentenced to life in prison, as a result of the poisonous Sanlu milk scandal in China. 

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• Israeli troops are pulling out of Gaza today after a ceasefire between Hamas and Israel was called on Sunday, hopefully putting a halt to the 22-day battle.  

• Chesley Sullenberger, the heroic pilot of US Airways flight 1549, and his crew have been invited to Barack Obama’s inauguration in Washington. 

• An estimated $170 million will be spent on Barack Obama’s inauguration. What’s costing the most? Increased security, the blinged-out parties, and the numerous port-o-potties required for the event. I hope they stocked up on toilet paper. 

• Israel promises to not only pull out of Gaza, but to do it by the time Barack Obama gets sworn in as president at tomorrow’s inauguration.

• A movie theater security guard on Long Island stabbed a 16-year old moviegoer, who wanted to wait for his ride inside the theater, after a showing of horror flick My Bloody Valentine. 

• Actor Joaquin Phoenix, who has officially retired from Hollywood to pursue a career in music, made his debut as a rapper over the weekend at a Vegas nightclub. The fully-bearded Walk the Line star, who will be featured in a documentary (filmed by Casey Affleck) about his burgeoning rap career, performed a few tracks he’s been working on for enthusiastic club kids. It’s unfortunate that he already left his day job. 

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• Israel accidentally fired at the U.N. Relief and Works Agency headquarters in Gaza, an incident that injured at least three people and frightened the hundreds of people seeking refuge in the building. The United Nations secretary general Ban Ki-Moon has called the strike a "grave mistake."

• The Senate Foreign Relations Committee is endorsing Hillary Clinton for the position of Secretary of State.

• Osama Bin Laden’s health has been called into question after closer examination of his most recent audiotape, which was made pubic on Wednesday.

• New York firefighters are volunteering in Israel to help relieve the overextended fire departments. Eight Orthodox firefighters have been sent from various Rockland County fire divisions.

• What’s the newest rage in teen tech-communication? Sending nude photos via camera phones, which has been aptly dubbed "sexting." This week, three teen boys from Pennsylvania who received sexy texts from their female classmates have been charged with child pornography.

• Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs’ is taking a medical leave of absence until June. Jobs is seeking treatment for a hormone imbalance, and is leaving COO Tim Cook in charge.

• Actor Patrick Swayze sounded off about his battle with pancreatic cancer to People magazine. In the exclusive interview Swayze, who is currently in the hospital with pneumonia, discussed his health and his relationship with his wife of 30 years.

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• Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden made a public statement today about the 19-day battle in Gaza. Bin Laden called for a holy war on Israel, and is quoted as saying,"the duty is to urge people to jihad and to enlist the youth into jihad brigades."

• The U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon spoke with Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak today in the hopes of constructing a peace plan for Gaza.

• Rockets from Lebanon have hit Northern Israel for the second time this week. So far no militant groups have claimed responsibility for the attacks.

• President Bush has declared an emergency in Washington D.C., and has ordered more federal financial aid to bolster security for Barack Obama’s inauguration.

• According to a new Rice University study, women can detect when men are in the mood for loving by the smell of their sweat.

• Marcus Schrenker, the businessman who is accused of faking his own death by jumping out of a plane, was found last night at a campsite in Florida. Schrenker, who was found semi-conscious, could get a possible jail sentence if he is found guilty of security fraud.

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