At the end of last week, I watched the epic tale of Fyre Festival unfold with little pity and a whole lot of glee. If you’ve been living under a rock, or are just above the pettiness of laughing at the pain of rich people, here’s what went down:

Ja Rule’s attempt to create an elite, luxury music festival on a Bahamian island did not go so well. Basically, it was a disaster— and, said some people in pretty poor taste, was reminiscent of a disaster-relief camp. (I’d love to hear Sean Spicer’s take on this one.) The campsite was not ready; there were no luxury resort cabanas but instead a few sad tents and bare mattresses, which the guests proceeded to fight over; there was no gourmet food but instead cheese sandwiches. When Instagram models and “influencers” are forced to live like us plebes, hilarity ensues, it turns out. This was prime fodder for the Internet, and Twitter did not disappoint. If I might offer my own take, based on a conglomeration of jokes made by others, it looked like what might happen if Jean-Ralphio and Tom’s Entertainment 720 from Parks and Recreation planned a music festival but ended up with a mashup of The Hunger Games and Lord of the Flies, starring those celebrities with the highest fame-to-talent ratios (I’m looking at you, Kardashian/Jenners).

If the Internet’s response weren’t enough to satisfy your appetite for schadenfreude-based humor, it turns out that stoner comic actor Seth Rogen and vulgar comedy-musical trio The Lonely Island, which as we all know is ⅔ nice Jewish boys, are teaming up to make a comedy “about a music festival that goes HORRIBLY WRONG,” according to Rogen’s Twitter. This comedy dream team was apparently already working on the film before the real-life version happened:

For real, thinking about suing #FyreFestival for stealing our idea. https://t.co/uiLxhzLg85

— The Lonely Island (@thelonelyisland) April 28, 2017

They do seem like the perfect team for such a project: if you combine This Is the End with the music video for I’m On a Boat, it already seems like a pretty good approximation of Fyre Festival.

Now that we have the real thing to compare it to, the public’s standards for what is sure to be a slightly Jew-y, utterly disgusting comedy should be all the higher. It’s said that truth is sometimes stranger than fiction, so Rogen and the Lonely Island have their work cut out for them— let’s hope they’re up to the challenge.

Image via Twitter.

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If you, like me, enjoy learning about how Jewish geography extends to cool Jewish lady celebrities, you’ll enjoy the following tidbit: Mayim Bialik, of The Big Bang Theory (and this great video), and Rachel Bloom, better known as Rebecca Bunch on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, are apparently buddies. Watered by some mayim, their friendship began to bloom last April, when Bialik interviewed Bloom for her website. A couple weeks ago, they had a coffee date, but it was interrupted by a fan who seemed more interested in Rachel than in Mayim. Personally, I’d like to tag along with both of them. What a squad.

Speaking of funny, outspoken Jewish feminist actresses, remember how Rachel Bloom used to be roommates with Broad City’s Ilana Glazer? Naturally, they take amazing selfies. Looking at them, I was reminded of the episode from last season of Girls when Hannah Horvath (Lena Dunham’s character) gets a visit from a college friend, played amazingly by Jenny Slate. What if the four of them were all friends?!

And in case you forgot, Ilana is (distantly) related to Abbi Jacobson in real life. Which makes the sexual nature of Abbi and Ilana’s friendship (mostly on Ilana’s side) on the show a little awkward.

But most Ashkenazi Jews are basically related to each other anyway (though unlike most Ashkenazi Jews, all six of these ladies competed in Jewcy‘s ongoing “Jewish Celebrity March Madness“). So I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before all these yiddishe mavens of comedy discover that I am their long-lost cousin and want to be best friends with me too.

Image via Instagram.

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Jews tend to have strong opinions when it comes to hamantaschen filling. Is poppyseed weird, or is it the only authentic kind of filling out there? Is even something as popular as chocolate hamantaschen a complete abomination before God? If that’s true, after this cookie-butter filling experiment, I’m more than doomed.

My mother, who used to be a professional baker, makes only three flavors of hamantashen: poppyseed, cherry, and “pinecot” (her mother’s special pineapple apricot jam recipe). Only she and one of my siblings like the poppyseed kind; all too aware that we were not fully respecting our heritage, the rest of us opted for the fruit flavors.

I have a distinct memory of making and eating peanut butter chocolate chip hamantaschen at my Jewish preschool, and always wished my mother would make that. She never obliged. Or maybe I never even asked. That was one Jewish food battle I was sure to lose. Even as a young child, I think I knew I should feel guilty about the fact that I liked peanut butter chocolate chip hamantaschen more than prune or poppyseed. A shande.

But now that I am an adult with my own kitchen, I can make any kind of hamantashen that I want. I didn’t want to go out of my way to buy fillings, though, so I decided to make do with what I already had: some raspberry jam that was too sweet for the purpose for which I bought it (adding to Greek yogurt), and… what was that in the pantry?

Thus it is with a strange mix of guilt and triumphant defiance that I present to you: Cookies and Creme Cookie Butter Hamantaschen.

If you like Oreos, you must try this cookie butter, which tastes like the delicious sandwich cookie but in creamy form sort of the consistency of Nutella, plus crunchy cookie crumb bits. It’s sickeningly delicious. I have extolled its virtues to many a slightly horrified friend, forced my boyfriend to eat it on pancakes, and tried and failed to steer clear of its siren call during many trips to the basement of the Upper West Side Trader Joe’s.

The thing with Cookies and Creme Cookie Butter, though, is that there’s no real good way to eat it besides with a spoon, straight out of the jar, which tends to come with a heaping side of self-loathing. Its advertising even seems to acknowledge that it’s delicious but has no real use, offering what feels like half-hearted serving suggestions and then relenting: “Spread on pancakes or waffles. Serve on ice cream. Dip pretzels. Or eat right out of the jar. What don’t you do with something this delicious?”

The best “use” I’ve discovered for the tasty treat is spreading it on Oreos to make a double Oreo sandwich. But given that I want to live past the ripe old age of twenty-three, I don’t plan to make a habit of that, and I had just a couple spoonfuls of a jar left. So what did I do?

I decided to use it as a hamantaschen filling. Here is the verdict:

It held together better than the hamantaschen filled with jam, which tends to ooze a bit if you don’t thicken it with cornstarch, which I did not have on hand. I wasn’t sure what would happen to the gooey consistency of the cookie butter upon baking, but it pretty much stayed the same. The crunchy chocolate cookie bits burned a little bit, but it still tasted good. Overall, 10/10 would recommend if you enjoy Oreos, have a Trader Joe’s nearby, and are okay with making some of your ancestors roll over in their graves.

I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry, HaShem. But it was pretty tasty.

Miranda Cooper is an editorial intern at Tablet. Follow her on Twitter here.

Photos by Miranda Cooper

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