1. J&D’s Bacon Salt

Their entire range is kosher certified, but let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start: Original Bacon-Flavored Seasoning Salt.

Says reviewer Trenton M. Haxby (the name might not be real, but the enthusiasm is): “BaconSalt is exactly what you think it is. It literally makes everything taste better. Try it on anything, it even goes on popcorn! I got it as a gift and I’m going to give it as a gift. Everyone needs to try it, and since there is no fat, no calories and it is kosher, it is for everyone!”

2. Betty Crocker’s Bac-os Bits

Confusingly, there’s another almost-identical Betty Crocker product called Bac-os chips. (If there is a discernible difference between the two, please report back in the comments.) From the Amazon product description:

“Committing to a healthy diet is a great way to take care of yourself and your loved ones. A healthy diet means selecting a variety of foods, including plenty of grain products, vegetables and fruits. Choosing foods that are low in fat, saturated fat and cholesterol is important. Bacos bits are made with the goodness of soy and can help you put these healthy eating tips into practice. In addition, Bacos is now Kosher and contains no added MSG.”

I can state with confidence that Bac-os contain no traces of grains, vegetables, or fruits, but they do make a nice (if incongruous) salad topping.

3. Kernel Season’s Bacon Cheddar Popcorn Seasoning

Double treyf: this “100% natural” seasoning mixes milk and meat!

4. Baconnaise

Delusional vegetarians claim this mayo tastes just like bacon. They’re wrong, but that doesn’t mean it’s not delicious. Says Amazon reviewer/would-be Disney sitcom star, Enchanted in Dixie: “I am a bacon connoisseur since I was raised on a farm and we made our own. I love all kinds of bacon, and just got diagnosed with high blood pressure so no more real bacon. 4 stars since I love the Smokey flavor this mayo has, but to me there is no bacon flavor to it, only a good Smokey flavor.” TRUST.

5. Bacon Lip Balm

Because who doesn’t want to make out with someone who tastes like bacon? (NB: Technically not kosher certified, but not something you’re meant to eat, either.)

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