So, the 50th annual Celebrate Israel parade is happening in New York City on June 1—mazal tov, guys!—and while I am not one for big crowds on a Sunday morning, I am very much one for Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who appears here in this promo video expressing her support for Israel, and urging people to come to the parade. Her reasons are fairly compelling:

1. She promises all attendees “good sex” with their “significant other.”

2. She reminds us that she was a sharpshooter in the Haganah and that she still knows how to hit a target: “Whoever is not going to give us support, watch out for me!”

Image: Andy Kropa/Getty Images for Communications Strategies

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If you were nervous that all of your kinky sex questions were going to the wrong sexpert on Twitter, you needn’t worry any longer because Dr. Ruth has been verified. That’s right. It took a long time, but the world’s tiniest and greatest sex therapist was just honored with that little blue checkmark that turns lay people into social media superstars.

Mazel tov, @AskDrRuth!

Is it true that getting verified makes you grow taller? I feel taller at any rate, at least 4' 8".

— Dr. Ruth Westheimer (@AskDrRuth) August 22, 2013

(Photo by NBC Newswire/Getty)

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We love Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the 84-year-old sex therapist (and former Haganah sniper) who dishes out daily tips from her sassy Twitter account, @AskDrRuth. We figured she’d be the best person to ask for some Jewcy advice for Valentine’s Day, and we were right.

Here are Dr. Ruth’s five tips for a steamy Valentine’s Day:

1. If you think you need Kate Middleton’s nose to find a date for Valentine’s Day then you’ll probably be disappointed. Not in your new nose, maybe, but in that empty slot next to February 14 in your calendar. Yes, appearance matters, but not as much as you think—and the more you think it matters the less likely you are to be the type of person that the opposite sex will find attractive.

2. Valentine’s Day is really short for St. Valentine’s Day, so Jews don’t have to pay as much attention—but if you meet the right partner at the deli counter, go for it. Just remember while 30 percent of couples got engaged on Valentine’s Day, 40 percent had their biggest fight!

3. Here’s one reason why I don’t believe in Friends with Benefits: how do such friends celebrate Valentine’s Day?

4. Restaurants are crowded on Valentine’s Day. If you really want a romantic meal, order in, put some candles around your place, and play some soft music.

5. Guys should know that gifts brought on Valentine’s evening don’t have the same force as those sent earlier. It takes longer for women to become aroused so flowers sent in the morning will have more time to work their magic. Of course a pair of silky red undies offered that morning might just never get put on!

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Dr. Ruth, our favorite person ever, stopped by NPR’s “Ask Me Another” program, where she talked about her long career as a sex therapist, her thoughts on 50 Shades of Grey, and, most revealingly, her family. Like any good Jewish grandmother, she bragged about her four grandchildren—”nobody has grandchildren like mine!”–aged 22, 16, 14, and 10, and then things got personal:

“So the older ones, do they ever come to you for advice?” host Ophira Eisenberg asked Westheimer.

“God forbid, god forbid,” Westheimer responded, as the audience broke into laughter. “And if they would, I would send them not to a comedian. I would send to someone else.”

Ultimately, she explained, it’s not her job: “I do not want to ever counsel them. They have parents.” But Eisenberg, Westheimer told the crowd, would get a free session.

During the trivia round, Westheimer dropped some more knowledge, saying that breaking up via text was a no-no: “I would not like to get a message from somebody, ‘Goodbye! I found somebody else.'”

Have a listen to the whole segment:

Fifty Shades Of Dr. Ruth [NPR] Previously: Dr. Ruth Discusses the New Play About Her Life—and Debra Jo Rupp’s Accent
Dr. Ruth’s Low Alcohol Wines Hit the Spot

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Dr. Ruth has seen the play based on her life seven times already—and it only opened to the public today. Written by Mark St. Germain, Dr. Ruth, All the Way is running at the Barrington Stage Company in the Berkshires. The play stars That 70s Show’s Debra Jo Rupp as Westheimer, and Rupp is apparently doing a very convincing job in the role.

“When Debra Jo Rupp plays me, I pinch myself and I say ‘Ruth Westheimer, keep quiet, you are not on stage!’” the 84-year-old sex therapist told Radio Boston. “I think it’s me up there!”

It wasn’t easy. “The accent was a nightmare, quite frankly,” Rupp explained. “Her dialect is not one land.”

Listen to the full interview with Westheimer and Rupp, and hear a clip from the show where Rupp, as Westheimer, explains the Talmudic basis for figuring out how often a woman should sleep with her husband. Spoiler alert: it depends on his occupation.

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Our friends at Tablet Magazine have put together a great list of Rosh Hashanah resolutions from a wide range of well-known Jewish figures. Each response offers advice for the coming year and some things for all of us to think about, and do, over the next 12 months.

Here are our five favorites—you can check out the rest over at Tablet.

Dr. Ruth, sex therapist

The one thing you must do in the New Year is pay greater attention to the humans next to you than the gadget in your hand. No matter how much you love your phone, it will never hold your hand or make your heart flutter. If you want to have a productive year, if you want to feel the warmth of human contact, if you want to marry or stay married, have children and get the most that life has to offer, put your gadgets down and connect to those around you with your mind, your arms, and your heart.

Mayim Bialik

The last time I was in Israel was two years ago. I’ve almost gone a few times since then but just have never gotten around to it. This past year has seen an increase in my Jewish learning, observance, and sense of connection to the State of Israel. I had a serious car accident a month ago, and since then I’ve felt a very strong pull to go back to Israel. I would go so far as to say I feel like I need to go to Israel this year to heal from the accident, to heal from a particularly rigorous year emotionally, and to put my feet back on the Land.

Jonathan Ornstein, director of the Jewish Community Center in Krakow, Poland

Go to Auschwitz. Feel sad. Feel angry. Contemplate the unimaginable loss. Weep for the souls of the victims. Say “Never Again.” Then go one hour down the road to Krakow and learn the real lesson of the Holocaust. Go meet a growing, vibrant, optimistic, pluralistic, forward-looking Jewish community that refuses to allow itself to be defined by tragedy—the one community in Europe where it is getting better, safer, and easier to be Jewish every single day. Learn the lesson of the Holocaust that the Krakow Jewish community has learned: The strength of the Jewish People lies in defining ourselves by what we do, not by what is done to us.

Emily Nussbaum, television critic for The New Yorker

My goal this year is to use the word “ham-handed” in a TV review. I also want to cook 4 percent more (I’m a terrible cook), wear eyeliner, buy a bunk bed for my two boys, go see more standup comedy, read something fancy like Montaigne, and convince my husband to grow a mustache. Plus, write notes to people when I admire something they wrote (like Nora Ephron and David Rakoff did) and gossip more.

Joshua Cohen

My New Year’s resolution is straight-ahead: Stop imposing Hallmark® goyisher narrischkeit on Jewish tradition. It isn’t New Year’s. It’s Rosh Hashanah.

Happy 5773, people.

(Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images)

What To Do in 5773 [Tablet Magazine]

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• Now’s your chance to see “Dr. Ruth, All the Way,” the one-woman show inspired by the 84-year-old sex therapist’s life, which stars That 70s Show’s Debra Jo Rupp.

• Gentlemen, Mila Kunis wants you to grow a pair.

• Jesse Eisenberg’s latest play is about a Holocaust survivor.

• Happy Birthday, Larry David. May you celebrate it in a timely enough manner.

The post Daily Jewce: Larry David Turns 65, Dr. Ruth’s Life on Stage, and more appeared first on Jewcy.

The New York Post reports on Westheimer’s latest venture:

“I’m always saying couples should drink to relax, but not too much,” says the 4-foot-7 octogenarian, adding, with her typical directness, that “if [the woman] drinks too much, she falls asleep and if [the man] drinks too much, he can’t perform.

The wine will be sold in grocery stores and delis. Until then, get your Dr. Ruth fix with Westheimer’s video review of 50 Shades of Grey on her YouTube channel. (“I’m not saying it’s fantastic literature… but it certainly is a good read”):

(Photo credit: Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

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It’s not her, it’s me. I have no problem with her dropping bedroom knowledge, but her recent retweets of people’s intimate responses to her questions are making my twitter feed NSFW. Call me a prude, but I’m crying TMI.

We follow celebrities and well-known personalities on Twitter for the brief glimpses into their lives. With Dr. Ruth, that means fun photos (at an event with Billy Crystal! In a rubber nurse costume designed by John Paul Gaultier! Hanging with Shaq!), and quirky insights like “Sir Paul got star in Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday. Will never forget when he stopped to sing “Yeah, yeah, yeah” to me at Yale Graduation,” and “I’m at Restaurant Chez Napoleon. I like Napoleon because he was so short. We’d have made a good match.” But Dr. Ruth is a sex therapist, and she’s using Twitter primarily to create an open conversation with her followers, offering free advice and posing and answering questions. While the idea of an 83-year-old woman tweeting about curved penises is funny (which she is no doubt aware of), Dr. Ruth is ultimately an educator trying to promote awareness and openness when it comes to sex. Twitter might not be the best place for that conversation—someone helpfully reminded her followers that their tweets are stored in the Library of Congress—but it’s where she’s doing it for now.

Have some respect, people. The woman was nominated for a Grammy.

(photo credit: Steven Henry/Getty Images)

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