I am an agnostic when it comes to Valentine’s Day (shoulder shrug), but OH MY HEART today’s Google Doodle is bewitching and lovely and you should listen to it right now! Right. now.

It’s basically a mini-episode of This American Life, replete with earnest Ira Glass intro and instrumental soundtrack. Behind each candy heart lies a 90-second love story and a simple, delightful animation. (If you click on another tab the audio will stop, so don’t open another tab you naughty hyperactive attention-deficit-disordered internet addict, you!)

If you’d like to know more about how this project came together, here’s a little video.

To quote Glass: “Happy Valentine’s Day to you. From… the internet!”

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Fred Armisen’s totally on point, previously un-aired impersonation of Ira Glass has been rescued from the dustbin of history, and for that we can all give thanks. It was filmed in a Saturday Night Live dress rehearsal in 2011 but left out of the final cut. Armisen nails Glass’ intonation and uptalk, Seth Meyers is the perfect straight man, and there’s a delightfully accented Mexican factory worker.

p.s. Bonus link! You can hear Armisen and Glass co-host an episode of This American Life (called Doppelgängers, natch) here. Don’t try to keep track of who’s who! Just relax into the slightly creepy Twin Peaksy vibe and enjoy.

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Oif a meisseh fregt men kain kasheh nit: Don’t ask questions about fairy tales.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 21-MARCH 20): Pisces, symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, exemplifies the dual nature of this mutable water sign. One fish swims toward the spiritual—the world of the dream, the unconscious mind—while the other fish swims toward the material world.

Fish-themed Judaic tales include Jonah and the whale and the Leviathan. In 6 B.C., a Jupiter-Saturn conjunction in Pisces even gave Jewish astrologers hope for a messiah.
 
Perhaps the most romantic and certainly the most intuitive of all the signs of the zodiac, you can be weak-willed in matters of the heart. Wise, sage givers of good advice, you are sensitive to beauty and can be overwhelmed by the feelings of others. Your heightened psychic awareness gives you a keen ability to suffer with others—this combined with your patience and listening skills makes you an excellent therapist and friend, but can have the ill effect of distancing you from your own life and feelings. With an innate receptiveness to everything that’s going on around you, it can be hard to see where others end and you begin.

While Passover begins on the day of the first full moon after the vernal equinox (the cusp between Pisces and Aries), Purim (February 23-24) is in many ways associated with Pisces—the Hebrew month of Adar corresponds with Pisces, and Purim itself has many fish themes.

The new moon on March 11 will be in Pisces; on this day there will be six heavenly bodies in your sign: Mercury, Mars, Venus, your ruling planet, Neptune, and the moon as well as the sun. With so many planets in Pisces, you’ll have the world at your feet (Pisces rules the feet)—lucky you!

Famous Pisces Jews: Gilbert Gottfried, Samm Levine, Bugsy Siegel, Rob Reiner, Carl Reiner, Ron Jeremy, Albert Einstein, Lou Reed, Billy Crystal, David Cronenberg, Jerry Lewis, Philip Roth, Yitzhak Rabin, Shalom Alecheim, Rashi, Renee Taylor, Elizabeth Taylor (converted), Joe Lieberman, Zeppo Marx, Kurt Weill, Ira Glass, Harry Winston, Diane Arbus, Rashida Jones, Judith Butler, Chelsea Handler.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 20): “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” was once the catchall phrase to explain the eternal debate—but hey, the 1990s called, and they want their dichotomy back: Mars and Venus are two faces of the same coin. Your ruling planet Mars returns to your sign on March 11, where it will stay until April 20, while Venus enters your sign on the spring equinox, balancing out aggressive Mars with its lovely light and helping you roll with the punches.

TAURUS (APRIL 21-MAY 20): Your ruling planet Venus will be in compassionate Pisces from February 25 to March 21, inspiring you with dreams of a grand romance. But don’t tempt the gods—zindik nit—focus what you need to do for yourself first before succumbing to the gantseh tsimmes (big confusion) that love can bring. Only you can take control of your life, and outside forces often serve as distractions from doing what you need to do.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): Gemini shiksa goddess Marilyn Monroe said, “it is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not,” and you should take her message to heart. Effusive Geminis are rarely unlovable, but your mazik (troublemaker) tendencies may make you seem like a stranger in a strange land if you fight against them. With your ruling planet Mercury in retrograde until March 17 and in dreamy Pisces until April 13, you will be compelled to confront your spiritual side—which you may have been willfully ignoring for fear of losing yourself. 

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 20): Gossiping is the worst habit and the biggest calumny—Loshen horeh iz di ergsteh mideh un gresteh tsoreh—and if anyone’s guilty of it, it’s you. We all know that old habits die hard, but with Mercury in retrograde you may want to watch what you say a bit more carefully. The new moon in your fellow water sign—creative, free-wheeling Pisces—on March 11 pit the two sides of your nature against each other. Loose lips may sink ships, but loosening yourself up won’t do anyone any harm.

LEO (JULY 21-AUGUST 20): No matter how hard you try to be inscrutable, the hitsik (hothead) wildcat within you betrays your true nature every time. Temper, temper you imperious beasts! With so many planets in even-keeled Pisces, you just may get the balm you need to keep moving forward. Remember, if you can’t do as you wish, do as you can—Az me ken nit vi me vil, tut men vi me ken.

VIRGO (AUGUST 21-SEPTEMBER 20): All eyes will be on you with the full moon in your sign on February 25. This is a great time to allow yourself a moment in the spotlight for once; after all, too much modesty is half conceit—tsu fil anives iz a halber shtolts. However, with Mercury in retrograde (and in your polar opposite sign, Pisces), you’ll still do well to conduct yourself with the reticence and charm you know best. That does mean you can’t get all farpitzed and let the world bask in your glow.

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 21-OCTOBER 20): Venus is drifting through languorous Pisces through March 21, encouraging you to patteren tseit (lounge around, waste time) more than usual. This combined with your capacity for dissimulation conceals your true intentions and desires. Libras may have the reputation for being lighthearted lovers, but the mask you wear may be doing you more harm than you think. While it’s great that you can keep a positive mental attitude, suppressing your darker side keeps you from letting others into your heart.

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 21-NOVEMBER 20): Your reputation precedes you, saucy Scorpio—you’ll get what you want by hook or by crook. Oi, a shkandal! (Oh, what a scandal!). While you may not be as thoroughly unscrupulous as your sign suggests, with so many planets in Pisces, another water sign immersed in the waters of the unconscious, your hulyen (hellraiser) impulses could get the better of you. Reign in the danger, but never deny your true nature.

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 21–DECEMBER 20): With your ruling planet Jupiter still in mischievous Gemini and so many planets in dreamy Pisces, you’d be wise to guard your saykhel (common sense) closely. Surrounding yourself with mamoshes (people of substance) may help you avoid finding yourself at the wrong place at the wrong time. However, if you have a tendency to lead others on, at least have the decency to operate with transparency: if you’re all talk, make sure your partners-in-crime know it. No one likes a con artist!

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 21–JANUARY 20): Your mantra has been Me krechts, me geht veyter—I complain and I keep going—for longer than you’d care to admit. Saturn’s retrograde through July 7 forces you to confront, and hopefully resolve, issues that have been plaguing you. If you can face your demons head on, you may find that the wild card’s been up your sleeve all along, and the fact that you can keep surprising yourself should be more than enough to get yourself going again, you alter bok (old goat).

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21-FEBRUARY 20): If you’ve been feeling more kalamutneh (dreary, gloomy, troubled) than usual, you may worry that you’ve reached an impasse in your love life. Fear not, this deadlock may resolve itself at the eleventh hour. Until then, you may just have to grit your teeth and accept that to leiden (suffer) is your fate right now. Focus on all the great things you’ve got going on rather than the bad hand life seems to have dealt you. After all, as Ru Paul says, “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

What’s Your Sign?
Aquarius, Sign of Contradictions
Capricorn, the Cardinal Earth Sign
Sagittarius, the Adventurous Archer
Stinging Scorpio
Lovely, Lawful Libra
Virgo, the Anxious Maiden
Leo, King of the Jungle

(Art by Margarita Korol)

The post Jewcy Horoscopes: Pisces, the Dual-Natured Water Sign (Feb. 21-March 20) appeared first on Jewcy.

• Brooklyn’s Mile End Deli was named one of Bon Apetit’s best new jewish delis. Mazel!

• Ira Glass and Tavi Gevinson totally heart each other.

• Soul Doctor, the Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach musical, is looking for a new home.

• Tori Spelling, 39, wrote a letter to her 21-year-old self. And put it on the Internet.

• Diane von Furstenberg is one of Forbes’ Power Women.

• Watch Jerry Seinfeld learn about zombies:

The post Daily Jewce: Tavi + Ira Glass = BFF, ‘Soul Doctor’ Musical Needs a New Home appeared first on Jewcy.

• Rachel Shukert pays tribute to the late Marvin Hamlisch.

• Check out Russell Crowe as Noah in Darren Aranofsky’s new biblicly-inspired movie.

• NPR’s Ira Glass will take your ticket and sell you concessions if you go see his new movie.

The Beastie Boys are suing Monster Energy Drink for using their likenesses and songs in advertising campaigns.

• Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s daughter, Arabella Rose, is really cute.

• Careful, Zake! Gyllenhaal shot live ammo for his new movie, End of Watch.

The post Daily Jewce: Shukert on Hamlisch, Russell Crowe is Noah, Gyllenhaal’s Ammo appeared first on Jewcy.

Also, now that school’s out, it’s time for that most glorious time of year—camp! Stay tuned for Jewcy’s first-ever camp week, which starts on Monday.

5. “If I don’t graduate from something within six months I start getting the shakes,” noted diploma addict James Franco in a speech he admitted was co-written with Seth Rogen.

4. Aaron Sorkin recommended that graduates not try coke, but that’s just your opinion, man.

3. Andy Samberg kissed a dude and advised Harvard students about which majors were worthless—which is itself kind of worthless advice itself on the last day of school.

2. Ira Glass told students at Goucher College that he only succeeded by ignoring his parents’ suggestions he become a doctor, since they were “the only Jews in America who do not listen to public radio.”

1. For some reason commencement speakers who never graduated college tend to give amazing commencement speeches. Neil Gaiman gave one of this year’s best at the University of the Arts, talking about his early years writing, his mistakes, and some “secret freelancer advice”—useful even if you’re not a freelance writer or artist. He also talks about making art out of exploding cats.

(image via Shutterstock)

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• Liel Leibovitz does not like Lena Dunham’s new show, Girls.

• A Gyllenhaal family affair in Tribeca.

• HBO is working on an Ira Glass series centering around a segment of This American Life.

• Israel Horovitz, playwright and father of Beastie Boy Adam Horovitz, was made a Commandeur of the Ordre des Arts et des Lettres at the French Embassy (the younger Horowitz, meanwhile, will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of fame this month. Not too shabby).

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Oh thank God. Ok, maybe Shalom Auslander himself might not approve of the formulation of my excitement for his upcoming novel, but so it goes. Auslander is arguably our generation’s budding author of books that rage against organized religion and God. For a while, perhaps he still does, Auslander sported a silver chain around his neck with the Hebrew word Acher, the name of the most infamous Rabbinic Apikores/heretic. The older generation, justifiably so, takes offense at this childish middle finger in the form of a necklace, but for me, and perhaps for many of my generation, something about his desire, no, his need to infuriate people speaks to us. We might disagree with his methods, but we can associate with his frustration.

Yes, Auslander, perhaps, does leave his family laundry hanging on the line with a little too much pleasure, but who can judge him for his scathing anger when he creates such brutal beauty? Either way, aren’t you just happy to welcome him back to the form of long literature, not just short (still angry) articles, but a novel with the already cynical sounding title: Hope: A Tragedy.

Besides the visceral excitement that comes along with an eagerly awaited novel, looming over Auslander’s work lies the biggest question of where can he go from his previous output? Or, essentially, can this talented writer move past his personal anger, or will he forever stay mired in the rage of his past wounds? Philip Roth moved past Portnoy’s Complaint to write larger, grander novels about less self-involved topics. Hopefully, Auslander, with his arsenal of talents will transcend the so far self-imposed limitation on his writing and move into the wider spectrum of the literary world, whether Jewish in content or not.

Auslander recently helped create trailers for his new book that consist of him asking his freinds if they would hide his family during the Holocaust. Here’s Auslander himself, courtesy of New York Magazine, on the upcoming novel, “Well, the book is about the futility of hope, in a way. And the danger of hope. At a certain point you go, the sun is not coming out anymore. If I could get that way with life in general, I would be much happier, and that is kind of what the book is about.”

From the ways he describes the novel, a book that deals with the repercussions of collective guilt of the Holocaust on the 2nd generation, I don’t know what to think about our previous question. The book’s scope seems wider, but its stated theme of relinquishing hope engenders worry about Auslander’s ability to overcome his personal unhappiness. Despite my qualms, these trailers are both offensive and hilarious, and I’m rooting for him no matter what.

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Thank you This American Life, giving us a reprieve from the disaster and despair that’s been clogging the airwaves for the past two weeks, to give us an episode of sun soaked-summer fun via an “Amusement Parks” episode.  Without a doubt, amusement parks are part of the American experience.  Pretty much anyone I’ve ever known grew up in somewhat close proximity to an amusement park.  For those that didn’t, there were always the summer county fairs, which of course doubled as ground zero for teenagers to let their hormones explode during nauseous Gravitron rides or inside hidden funhouse nooks.  Yes, amusement parks are part of the American dream and this week Ira gave another tiny piece of heart so we could all take one long, life-affirming ride together.

In Act I we meet a Cole, an amusement park enthusiast who, at 14 got his first job at mid-sized park in Kansas City.  Shoot forward 11 years later, and Cole is still working at the same park as manager of the games department.  Cole takes the job very seriously, or not seriously depending on how you see it.  As a boss, Cole thrives on bringing his employees into his world, one where working in an amusement park is literally the best job a person could ask for.  He shows up in costumes, creates characters to go on as guest speakers, makes You Tube Music videos (which thanks to TAL are rounding 7,000 views) and organizes elaborate competitions throughout the summer.  We follow his employee’s battling through one such “Sweet Sixteen Tournament” to see which two employees can procure the most cash for their game by the end of the day.   We follow Ira around as he watches these high school-aged employees build intricate sets, sew costumes and devise schemes to lure the most customers into their game.  In a sense, Cole has turned this job into a summer camp for these kids.  Meanwhile, Cole has let his own growth fall by the wayside.

Ira soon points out that Cole actually neglected to finish college in order to take this job, and that in grand scheme of things, he’s pretty low on the amusement park totem pole.  Cole via Ira, tries to come to terms with the fact, that he can’t run his mini Amusement Park summer camp forever.  Yet, he admits that he feels as happy at this job as he thinks he’ll ever feel.

The show goes on to compare Cole to The Office’s Michael Scott, a character that, though gone, has clearly become a part of the American zeitgeist (this episode, by the way, comes on the heels of the news that James Spader will be semi replacing Steve Carrel as the new Dunder Mifflin Scranton manger in next season’s Office.)  Cole, like Michael Scott is immediately lovable in this week’s episode.  It brings us to wonder, what is it about this character archetype, the guy who is such a goof that he transcends goofiness, a guy who’s truly content in his menial-ness, what about this is so attractive to the modern American psyche?

In Act II, a slew of listeners share their stories about amusement parks.  Guys proposing on a rollercoaster only to lose the ring, carnies doing tricks on the Gravitron, carnies saving babies and lots of vomit.  But the most common theme amongst listener’s stories was love, or teenage lust.  Which leads us to our next act from Jonathan Goldstein about the summer he moved to Wildwood, NJ as a last hurrah before dedicating his life to g-d by joining Yeshiva.  Jonathan’s story reads like a more nebbish Shalom Auslander story.  After spending an entire summer working tedious boardwalk jobs in hope of getting “L’ed,” Jonathan has his first sexual encounter via a drunken stranger on the boardwalk that randomly plants a wet one on his lips and walks off.  He points out that this minor interaction would turn him into the dark kid at Yeshiva, the one with a past.  Throughout the story, Jonathan paints Wildwood as a creepy, dilapidated town where the fun is a mere afterthought.  But then we realize, as does he, that Wildwood is the only place in the world where that stranger would walk up and randomly kiss him on the mouth.

For me, the Amusement Park theme brings to mind, rather than a specific memory, a film.  When I was in high school, in the days before Mark Wahlberg become known as the guy responsible for poisoning the TV world with Entourage, a film called Fear would define the sexuality of millions of teenager girls contemplating how and when they would go to third base.  Wahlberg, then on the heels of being known as the guy who always dropped his pants under inappropriate circumstances, managed to become a sex symbol incarnate thanks to Fear.  He did so by doing the following: threatening his girlfriends parents with violence, ferociously beating his bare chest to make it look like his girlfriends father abused him, trying to seduce his girlfriends mom.  In the film, he does all of this so that he could achieve his goal of going to third base with Reese Witherspoon on a rollercoaster.  Soon after, the entire rebellious teenage female population of the US (or at least New Jersey) wanted to follow in Reese’s footsteps, or rollercoaster seat as the case may be.

Well, looks like we’re out of time.  Till next week I’m Jon Reiss, and may all your loop-de-loops be loopy.

The post The Ira Glass Man-Fatuation Post: Amusement Parks appeared first on Jewcy.

Breakups: the seemingly unnatural phenomena with so many paradoxical emotions that feel like little deaths, and not French ones. When one TAL-fan submitted a complaint that there were no breakup-themed Lifes, Ira got on it, in this 2007 vintage, Break-Up.

Act 1: Even Phil Collins can’t help but quote Phil Collins

This act is Starlee Kine’s shining moment for many a listener. She expounds, “Nobody could convey how I was feeling better than Phil Collins.” The aural service she provides for weepy saps here, under the mentorship of Collins himself and in collaboration with NYC’s Joe McGinty and Julia Greenberg, puts her on par with Bonnie Raitt. Her Dusty Springfield-esque torch song is to die, and truly highlights a slice of the human condition in the midst of the shitshow that is a breakup. The breakup song is beautiful because of the catharsis it provides. Says Kine of Dusty’s tune, “It’s just so pathetic, and deep down, it’s how I felt too. And it felt good to have someone just come out and say it. There are some words you can never speak, but somehow you can sing.” The genre choice is perfect for Kine in that it integrates Phil Collins’ personal advice to her to keep it simple and honest.  “You don’t have to say you love me,” belted Springfield, while Kine answered, “It doesn’t do me any good, in fact it does me bad.”

In the end, Phil asks, “You kind of like feeling bad, don’t you?” The effort to honestly feel through music allows for the evolution of hot emotions for songwriter and listener, whether in the shape of a love song or a hate song.

Act 2: Was that reassuring to you in a way? No.

It’s 1987, and baby Ira is a young producer at All Things Considered. Eight-year-old Betsy Walter sits with the ATC host to speak about a letter she wrote to Mayor Koch asking advice about her parents’ divorce. The valuable perspective of the child in conversation with a master interviewer is a platinum grill for the American divorced psyche.

Even more illuminating is a chat twenty years later with adult Betsy, now a teacher, and blessed with a multifaceted outlook she shares with the airwaves. The hard truth is that focusing on the why is less important than the how in regards to moving on.

Act 3: They started quibbling about everything.

Marriage is the first step toward divorce (think about it). Collaborative divorce is like breaking up with a lawyer and a kindergarten teacher in the room, extending an invitation to use their listening skills. This act from the lawyer’s perspective emphasizes the importance of listening to the point of view of one’s spouse (revolutionary).

Act 4: He finally began to sob, which was a signal to Puppy Boy that the game was finally going to begin.

Divorce from the perspective of an altogether different species highlights even more of the human condition. The contrast between the priorities of the soon-to-be-divorced man and those of a dog is sort of an exercise in mindfulness.

The dwelling and kvetching on the lifelong love-that-never-was is best remedied, beyond Starlee and Phil’s musical achievements, by the words of two wise Jews:

“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.” —Mae West

“Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love can be romantic.” —Javier Bardem as Juan Antonio in Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona

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