Discussions about Jews and sex have traditionally been somewhat taboo and secretive, that is, until Ayo Oppenheimer dreamed up Jewrotica; a self-proclaimed “hub for Jewish sexual expression, reflection, entertainment, and learning.” Besides being an online community and sexual education resource, Jewrotica also holds workshop events that explore Jewish tradition, sex, and text. Right now they are on the hunt for the Hottest Rabbis of 2013—so if you know any cool, sexy rabbis—get at them.

I Skyped with Oppenheimer and one of Jewrotica’s founding partners, David Abitbol, who is also the founder of Jewlicious, a grassroots organization that aims to shape the way young adults participate in Jewish life.

Oppenheimer is also looking for people to join on the Jewrotica team in any capacity, so if you believe you’re the next face of Jewrotica, contact her directly at ayo@jewrotica.org.

How did the idea for Jewrotica develop and how long have you been around?

AO: Jewrotica was an idea I had been thinking about for a number of years, but in different carnations, at various points. In June 2012, when the New York Times wrote an article about Fifty Shades of Grey first being popular in the Orthodox Jewish community in Washington Heights, I started thinking, there is Jewish everything. We’re overly programmed in all areas of study, but not in Jewish erotica. There was no hub for Jewish sexual expression.

How did you guys meet?

DA: Ayo was an ROI Fellow, which is a grant for young Jewish social entrepreneurs. It’s a group of 120 fellows that meet every summer in Jerusalem.

AO: Well, we actually first met at a Jewish Federations of North America event called Tribe Fest. They sponsored a group gathering.

DA: Yeah—we met in a parking lot.

AO: David is well known for Jewlicious and I was brought in to do some speaking based on some other projects I had been working on. So we met there and reconnected at ROI where I pitched Jewrotica. David was on board from the start. The night I conceded the idea and name he stayed up creating the logo with me and we reserved the domain.

I’d imagine for some holidays, more than others, you can use more sexual language and innuendo. How is it approaching sexual themes for certain holidays in contrast with others?

DA: Well, Judaism is an overall ethic that touches and incorporates upon every aspect of your life. To whatever extent every holiday represents some aspect of Judaism, then that corresponds to the sexual realm as well. Since Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the year, it’s the only day we’re actually forbidden from having sex. We had an interesting essay on Yom Kippur that are about forgiveness and the concept of teshuvah (repentance) and cheating. Jewrotica is not just sex, it’s relationships too.

The exploration of sex and Judaism has never been packaged in such a modern and comprehensive way as Jewrotica. Why do you think you were the first person to be able to craft this and how has the reception been from the more orthodox communities?

AO: I think one of the reasons why I created Jewrotica—this is not one of the top reasons, more a perfunctory practical thing—is I thought I was one of the few people that could actually pull it off. You need the edgy and sexy and something with a hot design that will be able to speak to people. Jewrotica has pulled a lot of people in that normally would never go to anything Jewish, but they hear the name Jewrotica and they want to check it out. But at the same time, because I was raised really, really strongly in my Jewish education practice and observance, I started learning Torah at age five and Talmud at age 10. I have the knowledge to put traditional content in there, but I’m able to tow the fine line between, yeah we’re going to have XXX, but there’s no nudity and pornography, so organizations like MASA and HIUC will still advertise with us.

Jewrotica has a rating scale from PG to XXX, which categorizes the story by raciness. Do people submit their own ratings or do you guys? And what constitutes the ratings?

AO: That’s actually a good idea to have people rate the stories themselves; we haven’t done that yet. We have a code on the website. The website is for adults, obviously. PG is fairly innocent content, usually our essays and Torah pieces and the mentioning of something innocent, like kissing. PG-13 is more racy language or describing a hookup of some sort. R is explicit descriptions of sexual scenarios or explicit words for parts of the body and then XXX is all that stuff plus either unconventional sexual practices like kinky BDSM or things that may be trigger warnings like violence or abuse. We want to give our readers a full heads up that this is what you’re about to get into.

Do you have any story idea that stands out for you as really memorable or funny?

AO: Yes, I can’t say favorite because there’s too many that I like, but there are so many good and true stories. One is called “Religious Freedom”. Basically, we did an evening of “Jewrotica Bedside Reading Event,” in Austin and it was someone there who wrote the piece for us. It was a true reflection of him being in college. It’s his first year in college and he’s going to the club fair. His parents had given him advice to find a nice Jewish girl at Hillel. He walks over to a group and essentially this girl talks him up about LDS—The Church of Latter-day Saints and she’s this adorable Mormon girl. So he’s like, “Could I do this? Could I give up the 3,000-year-old tradition of my ancestors? Of course, I couldn’t do that.” But the next day he goes to the LDS meeting and goes through this whole thing—finally reunites with the girl on campus a few weeks later and she essentially says, “The club fair? Oh! I’m in this acting class and my friend got sick who was supposed to be at the booth and I told her I would take on representing LDS that day, but I’m actually Jewish.” It was hilarious, the way it was delivered.

Have you received interest in Jewrotica from non-Jews?

AO: It’s really weird that when we get press, we get a lot in Germany, Spain, Latin America, Russia, and Australia—and what’s really remarkable is that a website about Jewish sexuality—you have to push it on them for most Jews to engage in it, but the non-Jews there are fascinated and it’s amazing the amount of traffic that spikes during those periods. It doesn’t matter where-as soon as there’s a story there we see an amazing surge of interest in about this concept of Jewish erotica.

It’s a really novel way to learn about our community. It’s strange, but in way, because we have the glossary and pop up terms and are providing the background, and explaining the concepts, it makes it easier. If this existed for the Hindu community, I would love to learn about Hindu rituals and values through sexual stories.

Were you taught many of the stories that you pull from in sexual analyses or did you learn most of it when you decided to start Jewrotica?

AO: Both. I was raised with this stuff, but they don’t really focus on those types of stories. When I visited Jerusalem recently, I sat for 10 hours with the Tanach, reading through the stories. This is going to sound really weird, but I looped my mom into it. She’s more religious that I am, so I pitched to her that we should do a “chevruta,” which is a Jewish partner study. I said, “Mom, let’s learn the chevruta; Let’s learn the Torah,” and only after did I tell her we would be plowing through the Tanach for sex stories. So we actually came up with a lot of great things from that experience.

DA: I went to Jewish day school, so you know, you’re a randy teenager—you’re looking at the dictionary for sex stuff, too, let alone the Torah. There’s actually a wealth of stuff beyond the Torah. There’s all the content that we grew up with, the obvious things that are in the Torah. Then when you go deeper and you read some of the Zohar commentaries-like lulav, don’t even get me started.

What are your plans for the future of Jewrotica?

AO: There are a lot of places we can take Jewrotica. We actually, just this past week, did a huge website overhaul. We moved from block format to magazine format. Our big focus this past month has been getting the new look going for the coming year. We’ll continue the daily postings, boosting our followers, getting the workshop out there, and we’re starting to train Jewrotica facilitators.

DA: Real World interactions.

AO: Yes. I love this project but we’ve always known, as nice as it is to have a website, actually getting people together for conversations is important. And we’re getting more requests. I can’t be everywhere and I don’t want to be everywhere. I want to bring more people in to be apart of it. So, that’s gradually what we’re going toward.

DA: It’s an ideal program for Hillels and young leadership groups. It’s a way of sneaking in a little bit of Jewish knowledge via the “sex route.” Everybody is into sex. We give them what they want and we slip in a little of what we need.

AO: That sounds so sexual! This is what I deal with everyday, Jillian.

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Calling all hot rabbis with that “badass factor,” Jewrotica, the online community and overall “hub for Jewish sexual expression,” is putting together a list of America’s Sexiest Hottest Rabbis of 2013.

Unlike those clichéd Top Rabbi lists made by The Daily Beast and the Forward, Jewrotica is shining a light on rabbis who deserve to be noticed for their “raw awesomeness.” Here’s the criteria:

“The Smarts” = You gotta respect the rabbis who can school you in a battle of wits, the ones that wow you with their intellectual chops but have the presence to keep you awake during the sermon. Send the brainy ones our way.

“Getting Some Action” = Any rabbi can open a Torah or Talmud (hopefully), but who are the rabbis that are taking action? Whether through Jewish outreach or social justice activism, if you want your rabbi to make this list, you got to show us a little action.

“Badass Factor / Sex Appeal” = Your rabbi rides a motorcycle? Plays jazz? Leads silent meditations and retreats? Or maybe your rabbi is so irresistibly sexy that you haven’t missed a Shabbat service yet this year? Yeah, that’s the one we want.

Jewrotica will be accepting nominations until November 15 and the final picks will be featured on the website this December.

The list was originally called America’s Sexiest Rabbis, but after angry backlash from readers that the competition was all about looks, Jewrotica editor Ayo Oppenheimer changed the name, explaining:

“This was never a contest based on physical appearance. None of the criteria we specified cited any mention of a nominated Rabbi’s looks. We used the word “Sexy” in a figurative and not literal sense and all we want to do is highlight Rabbis who are doing awesome and inspirational work.”

So, no, the rabbis will not be judged by their physical attractiveness and unfortunately there will be no Sexy Rabbis Swimsuit Calendar. Maybe next year.

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A few weeks ago, the Forward published a long account about the trials and tribulations endured by Orthodox college students who wish to remain shomer negiah while attending secular universities where the so-called hook up culture is ubiquitous. Featured prominently in the story was my alma mater, the University of Pennsylvania, where many of the more religious kids maintain a “hands off” approach to mundane social interactions and especially dating. And throughout most of my four years at Penn, I, like many of the subjects profiled in the article, practiced shomer negiah.

My practice was not as absolute as it was for some of the subjects in the article. I never eschewed casual contact like handshakes, which for me didn’t seem to defy the halachic injunction prohibiting touch that is derech chibah, or in an affectionate manner. I wasn’t so indoctrinated that I could actually sexualize a handshake.

Even before college, my teenage libido frequently got the better of me during gymnastics practice, when I sometimes insisted on a male spot on certain skills, telling my female coach, who was more than capable of carrying me through any flip, that I needed a stronger spotter.

What I meant to say was that I needed the high school-aged Stefan, who was often shirtless, to lift me through a somersault. But I rationalized it thusly: crashing into him after a failed attempt at a back layout couldn’t really be considered affectionate touch, right?

I was not the only observant student who was trying to figure out ways around the rules. At the start of my freshman year of college, one of my fellow adherents (and there were many who professed to be shomer, at least in public) told me about a recent interaction with the similarly observant guy she was dating. They were on her bed at a relatively safe distance when he picked up one of her teddy bears and used its paw to gently caress her cheek.

At the time, I thought this was just about the most adorable, romantic story I had ever heard. It also turned me green with envy. I was 17 and fresh out of twelve years of all-girls schools and camp, and I too wanted to be caressed by a stuffed animal. (This whole admission is far more cringe-worthy to write than it is to read, I assure you.)

Though I still think the story is kind of cute, I also find it disturbing. My friend and I were so immature and clueless about sex and navigating the tricky sexual and romantic interactions between men and women. And our respective yeshiva educations had labored to ensure that we wouldn’t know much more before we got married. I suppose this wouldn’t have been too terrible if you managed to stay religious and marry someone as clueless as yourself.

But if you decided to abandon the practice in your early 20s, as I did, you find yourself in a new, more sexually experienced dating pool, feeling like a kid in water wings while everyone else around you can swim with ease. And if your new peer group assumes a degree of sexual experience and your old one has none, it can be quite difficult to find practical advice on the matter.

That’s how I felt during my senior of college when I decided that I was done observing shomer negiah but didn’t know how to signal to my friends, most of whom only knew me as really observant, that they could now hug me or thrown an arm around me in group photos instead of being forced to lean in awkwardly without touching. I briefly considered donning a pair of Hammer pants and singing You Can Touch This, but decided to remain mum on the subject until I graduated.

The years after college involved a move to a different coast where I was free to reinvent myself as someone who wore pants and touched men—no song and dance number needed by way of explanation. But despite my fancy new jeans and tank tops and indiscriminate hugs, I was still rather clueless. It took several years of awkward fumbling to attain a degree of sexual experience and confidence.

This awkward past is part of the reason I find the newly launched website Jewrotica so charming. Though the name suggests some degree of naughtiness and kink, many of the posts on the site seem to be aimed towards a less sexually experienced demographic, which seems to be part of the design of founder Ayo Oppenheimer. (Even the more sexually adventurous writing doesn’t feel especially titillating or extreme in a world where Dan Savage is now considered mainstream.)

Oppenheimer was raised Orthodox and experienced the same sort of culture shock that many of the subjects in the Forward article felt at being introduced to secular college life and dating. At least part of the aim of Jewrotica seems to be educating others who grew up similarly sheltered.

At times, this means having the sort of debates you might hear at a Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance conference. There was one recent post that presented halachic and societal arguments about whether or not women can and should wear pants. Obviously, clothing is a bit part of feminine sexuality, so this information is not entirely out of place.

It sounds, however, like a lot of the reasoning and rationalizing I did a few years before I was ready for any sort of sexual contact. Though ostensibly I majored in English and Communication in college, I actually spent my first two years concentrating on the academic/Talmudic/philosophical reasons I could wear jeans.

To read those particular posts as an adult isn’t illuminating as much as it is nostalgia-inducing. They took me back to a time before I possessed practical knowledge, when Jewish practice was about arguments and proofs, where thinking about doing was about as far I was willing to go.

I’m glad that other young Jewish women will have a better source of information about sexuality than I did back in my college days when I primarily relied on television. And I plan to continue reading Jewrotica, if for no other reason than to reminisce about those awkward years that you never truly overcome.

(Image via Shutterstock)

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