Oif a meisseh fregt men kain kasheh nit: Don’t ask questions about fairy tales.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 21-MARCH 20): Pisces, symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, exemplifies the dual nature of this mutable water sign. One fish swims toward the spiritual—the world of the dream, the unconscious mind—while the other fish swims toward the material world.

Fish-themed Judaic tales include Jonah and the whale and the Leviathan. In 6 B.C., a Jupiter-Saturn conjunction in Pisces even gave Jewish astrologers hope for a messiah.
 
Perhaps the most romantic and certainly the most intuitive of all the signs of the zodiac, you can be weak-willed in matters of the heart. Wise, sage givers of good advice, you are sensitive to beauty and can be overwhelmed by the feelings of others. Your heightened psychic awareness gives you a keen ability to suffer with others—this combined with your patience and listening skills makes you an excellent therapist and friend, but can have the ill effect of distancing you from your own life and feelings. With an innate receptiveness to everything that’s going on around you, it can be hard to see where others end and you begin.

While Passover begins on the day of the first full moon after the vernal equinox (the cusp between Pisces and Aries), Purim (February 23-24) is in many ways associated with Pisces—the Hebrew month of Adar corresponds with Pisces, and Purim itself has many fish themes.

The new moon on March 11 will be in Pisces; on this day there will be six heavenly bodies in your sign: Mercury, Mars, Venus, your ruling planet, Neptune, and the moon as well as the sun. With so many planets in Pisces, you’ll have the world at your feet (Pisces rules the feet)—lucky you!

Famous Pisces Jews: Gilbert Gottfried, Samm Levine, Bugsy Siegel, Rob Reiner, Carl Reiner, Ron Jeremy, Albert Einstein, Lou Reed, Billy Crystal, David Cronenberg, Jerry Lewis, Philip Roth, Yitzhak Rabin, Shalom Alecheim, Rashi, Renee Taylor, Elizabeth Taylor (converted), Joe Lieberman, Zeppo Marx, Kurt Weill, Ira Glass, Harry Winston, Diane Arbus, Rashida Jones, Judith Butler, Chelsea Handler.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 20): “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” was once the catchall phrase to explain the eternal debate—but hey, the 1990s called, and they want their dichotomy back: Mars and Venus are two faces of the same coin. Your ruling planet Mars returns to your sign on March 11, where it will stay until April 20, while Venus enters your sign on the spring equinox, balancing out aggressive Mars with its lovely light and helping you roll with the punches.

TAURUS (APRIL 21-MAY 20): Your ruling planet Venus will be in compassionate Pisces from February 25 to March 21, inspiring you with dreams of a grand romance. But don’t tempt the gods—zindik nit—focus what you need to do for yourself first before succumbing to the gantseh tsimmes (big confusion) that love can bring. Only you can take control of your life, and outside forces often serve as distractions from doing what you need to do.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): Gemini shiksa goddess Marilyn Monroe said, “it is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not,” and you should take her message to heart. Effusive Geminis are rarely unlovable, but your mazik (troublemaker) tendencies may make you seem like a stranger in a strange land if you fight against them. With your ruling planet Mercury in retrograde until March 17 and in dreamy Pisces until April 13, you will be compelled to confront your spiritual side—which you may have been willfully ignoring for fear of losing yourself. 

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 20): Gossiping is the worst habit and the biggest calumny—Loshen horeh iz di ergsteh mideh un gresteh tsoreh—and if anyone’s guilty of it, it’s you. We all know that old habits die hard, but with Mercury in retrograde you may want to watch what you say a bit more carefully. The new moon in your fellow water sign—creative, free-wheeling Pisces—on March 11 pit the two sides of your nature against each other. Loose lips may sink ships, but loosening yourself up won’t do anyone any harm.

LEO (JULY 21-AUGUST 20): No matter how hard you try to be inscrutable, the hitsik (hothead) wildcat within you betrays your true nature every time. Temper, temper you imperious beasts! With so many planets in even-keeled Pisces, you just may get the balm you need to keep moving forward. Remember, if you can’t do as you wish, do as you can—Az me ken nit vi me vil, tut men vi me ken.

VIRGO (AUGUST 21-SEPTEMBER 20): All eyes will be on you with the full moon in your sign on February 25. This is a great time to allow yourself a moment in the spotlight for once; after all, too much modesty is half conceit—tsu fil anives iz a halber shtolts. However, with Mercury in retrograde (and in your polar opposite sign, Pisces), you’ll still do well to conduct yourself with the reticence and charm you know best. That does mean you can’t get all farpitzed and let the world bask in your glow.

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 21-OCTOBER 20): Venus is drifting through languorous Pisces through March 21, encouraging you to patteren tseit (lounge around, waste time) more than usual. This combined with your capacity for dissimulation conceals your true intentions and desires. Libras may have the reputation for being lighthearted lovers, but the mask you wear may be doing you more harm than you think. While it’s great that you can keep a positive mental attitude, suppressing your darker side keeps you from letting others into your heart.

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 21-NOVEMBER 20): Your reputation precedes you, saucy Scorpio—you’ll get what you want by hook or by crook. Oi, a shkandal! (Oh, what a scandal!). While you may not be as thoroughly unscrupulous as your sign suggests, with so many planets in Pisces, another water sign immersed in the waters of the unconscious, your hulyen (hellraiser) impulses could get the better of you. Reign in the danger, but never deny your true nature.

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 21–DECEMBER 20): With your ruling planet Jupiter still in mischievous Gemini and so many planets in dreamy Pisces, you’d be wise to guard your saykhel (common sense) closely. Surrounding yourself with mamoshes (people of substance) may help you avoid finding yourself at the wrong place at the wrong time. However, if you have a tendency to lead others on, at least have the decency to operate with transparency: if you’re all talk, make sure your partners-in-crime know it. No one likes a con artist!

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 21–JANUARY 20): Your mantra has been Me krechts, me geht veyter—I complain and I keep going—for longer than you’d care to admit. Saturn’s retrograde through July 7 forces you to confront, and hopefully resolve, issues that have been plaguing you. If you can face your demons head on, you may find that the wild card’s been up your sleeve all along, and the fact that you can keep surprising yourself should be more than enough to get yourself going again, you alter bok (old goat).

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21-FEBRUARY 20): If you’ve been feeling more kalamutneh (dreary, gloomy, troubled) than usual, you may worry that you’ve reached an impasse in your love life. Fear not, this deadlock may resolve itself at the eleventh hour. Until then, you may just have to grit your teeth and accept that to leiden (suffer) is your fate right now. Focus on all the great things you’ve got going on rather than the bad hand life seems to have dealt you. After all, as Ru Paul says, “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

What’s Your Sign?
Aquarius, Sign of Contradictions
Capricorn, the Cardinal Earth Sign
Sagittarius, the Adventurous Archer
Stinging Scorpio
Lovely, Lawful Libra
Virgo, the Anxious Maiden
Leo, King of the Jungle

(Art by Margarita Korol)

The post Jewcy Horoscopes: Pisces, the Dual-Natured Water Sign (Feb. 21-March 20) appeared first on Jewcy.

There are certain TV theme songs that anyone in their 20s would recognize (and possibly start singing) from the first line: “This is a story all about how/my life got twist-turned upside down” or “Whatever happened to predictability/the milkman, paperboy, evening TV” or “When I wake up in the morning/and the alarm gives out a warning.”*

For me, the top lyrics on that list would be: “She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens/When her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes.”

Thus begins the story and adorable cartoon that kick off each episode of the ‘90s TV classic The Nanny.

Basically, Fran Fine (Fran Drescher) is a nice Jewish girl in her late-20s from Queens, who’s dying to get married, has big hair, a larger-than-life accent, brightly-colored suits with animal prints and giant shoulder pads, and the loudest, and let’s just say most distinctive laugh you’ve ever heard. Somehow, she accidentally gets hired as a nanny by handsome, posh British Broadway producer Maxwell Sheffield (Charles Shaughnessy).

Her qualifications, according to the theme song? “She had style, she had flair, she was there!” Not exactly a glowing recommendation, but it’s pretty true. Before taking care of the three Sheffield kids—Margaret (Nicholle Tom), Brighton (Benjamin Salisbury), and Grace (Madeline Zima)—she went to cosmetology school, was a foot model, worked in a bridal shop, and sold makeup door-to-door. In other words, Fran had no experience with kids. Yet, somehow, she managed to keep the kids alive for six seasons, and dispense stereotypically Jewish advice like “never pay retail”—Fran is obsessed with discount department store Loehmann’s—and “date doctors.”

Episodes of The Nanny often seem like one big Yiddish joke, especially when Fran’s relatives show up. Fran’s mother, Sylvia (Renee Taylor), is a binge-eater—especially when the food is free—while her grandmother, Yetta (Ann Morgan Guilbert), is senile, loves bingo, and generally has no idea what’s going on. Sylvia and Fran are always arguing, while Yetta is just comic relief. This conversation from a Season 3 episode in which the family goes to therapy sums up their relationship:

Therapist: So ladies, what brings you to therapy?

Fran: I came because my mother has an obsession with me getting married.

Sylvia: I came because my daughter has a delusion that I have an obsession.

Yetta: I came because they brought me and I don’t know how to get home.

The best thing about Fran, and probably the reason she became such a popular character, is that she’s so proud of who she is. The Nanny is a classic fish-out-of-water story. Fran couldn’t be more different from Mr. Sheffield, with his Upper East Side mansion, butler, and kids in private school. She definitely admired their lifestyle, and yet, there was no way she’d ever change. Fran never succumbed to a makeover, even if Fran’s hair got straighter as the years went on, and while her voice became “normal” for a few seconds after eating wasabi, she never expressed hang-ups about it.

While the kids love Fran the way she is almost immediately, and butler Niles is always mildly amused by her and soon becomes her good friend and partner-in-mischief, it takes Mr. Sheffield more time to warm up to her demeanor. Of course, they wouldn’t have hired someone as handsome as Charles Shaughnessy to play the boss if Fran wasn’t going to hook up with him, and finally, at the end of Season 3, Mr. Sheffield tells Miss Fine he loves her. Drama ensues, and they don’t become an official couple for another season, but eventually they start calling each other “Maxwell” and “Fran,” get married, and in the series finale, they have twins.

Not bad for a shop-girl from Queens—oh, and her mother was happy, too.

*Do I really need to tell you? The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Full House, and Saved By The Bell.

Previously on Network Jews:

Noah Puckerman, the coolest Jew in school on Glee

Andy Botwin, the promiscuous playboy on Showtime’s Pot Comedy Weeds

Saul Berneson, the CIA Middle East division chief on Homeland

The post Network Jews: Fran Fine, the Nasal-Voiced Star of ‘The Nanny’ appeared first on Jewcy.

• Game of Thrones star Jack Gleeson, who plays Joffrey Baratheon on the hit HBO show, wants to get a Masters in Ancient Hebrew.

• This haunting video, the only existing footage of Anne Frank, has been viewed more than three million times on YouTube.

• The Internet loves Alison Brie. Here are the best GIFs her Community character, Annie, has inspired.

• In her new show, Happily Divorced, Fran Drescher pays a visit to her former on-screen mother, Renee Taylor.

The post Daily Jewce: ‘Game of Thrones’ Star to Study Ancient Hebrew, and more appeared first on Jewcy.