Do you enjoy simultaneous piety, drunkenness and thrift? I am a connoisseur of cheap kosher vines and I’m here to guide you with options for any occasion. Here’s a list of certified kosher wines that’ll whet the whistle of any Jew, God-fearing or otherwise. Priced $18 and below. (Maybe leave the bottle open for a couple hours first.)

Official drink of the Jewish American Princess:

Bartenura Moscato D’Asti

This is the “blue bottle” and it trumps all other kosher wines. Asti is the white male privilege of kosher wines – it’s the default option. All other Moscatos are fine, really; some may even be sweeter or bubblier. Some may be name-checked by rappers. Nonetheless, all the others bow before Bartneura.

For your coworker’s Shabbos table:

Teperberg Vision Merlot

Make it look like you spent more than you did.

For getting a new job:

Tabor 562 Brut

Popping corks and taking names – after hours, of course.

For leaving an old job:

Chateneuf Semi Dry White Bordeaux

Paint a smile on your face and give ’em a gracious wave. Then put all the memories in your rearview mirror.

For the random family you’re sleeping by who you’ve never met before:

Chen(in) Chenin Blanc

When you don’t know which personality to go for.

For your religious cousins:

Alfasi Merlot

Let’s be honest, they for sure have a wine favorite specific to their family. If you ask the dad, he’ll say you can’t afford his and the mom will say Moscato. So go basic with Merlot.

For your 21st birthday party:

Rashi Joyvin Red

If it’s your first time getting white girl wasted, be kind to your palate (if nothing else) with the sweetest option in the smoothest bottle.

For your 25th birthday party:

Tishbi Vineyards Sauvignon Blanc

By now you can handle the real stuff. Wine’s not weird, it’s useful! So put it to good use.

For your 30th birthday party:

Tabor Mt. Tabor Chardonnay

We’re getting classy now. Did you know some people believe that the etymology of “Chardonnay” is Hebrew for “gate of God”? There, now you have a conversation starter as well.

For your birthday party the year you start lying about your age:

Ben Ami Cabernet Sauvignon

Cabs are the quickest way to get the job done and this red does just that.

For your engagement party:

Binyamina Shiraz

The fruitiest and the nicest on the purest day.

For your best friend’s engagement party:

Barkan Pinot Noir

You’re feeling dark and mysterious and also maybe a little territorial. The Pinot Noir is as finicky as you are when someone touches the tiered dessert platter you spent twenty minutes setting up.

For your younger sister’s engagement party:

Jeunesse Cabernet Sauvignon

You’re gonna be getting a lot of sympathy from everyone else, so best get that out of your system first. Indulge in some self-loathing with a purpose.

For coming out to your bubby:

Who are you kidding? That takes a whole bottle of Chivas Regal.

Image via Tablet Magazine

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“We are here to celebrate one of my favorite vices, wine,” said Ruby Namdar, a presenter at Thursday night’s DRUNK: an Evening of Wine Tasting and Text Study, which took place at the 14th Street Y in downtown Manhattan. LABA, run by Ronit Muszkatblit and Elissa Strauss, is a secular Jewish house of study and culture laboratory which selects 10 fellows each year to study classical Jewish texts centered around a specific theme.

Last night was a celebration for artists, writers, dancers, musicians, actors, and really anybody with a love of Judaism. Guests walked into a spacious, black room where they were immediately presented with the first glass of wine, my personal favorite, Dibon, Cava Brut Reserve.

The alcohol content of the wines served only increased from there, from 11 percent all the way up to 39 percent (the evening’s official sommelier explained), including Chinon, Rose, El Porvenir de los Andes, Syrah, and Scagliola, Dolcesvago Muscato. The evening grew simultaneously more introspective and comical as the wine aerated and the participants imbibed.

But the event wasn’t just about drinking. The performances ranged from poetry to art to music, all depicting themes of addiction, power, religion, relationships, devotion, and of course, inebriation, which spoke to the hedonist in all of us.

We were told that wine is a metaphor for a mystical quest, and that there are two different types of imbibers: there are those who drink to get drunk, and those who drink to get intoxicated–basically, the yin and yang of wine consumption.

“Turn your vice into a ladder and you can climb higher,” Namdar explained, and the happy, intoxicated audience nodded in agreement.

(Image via Shutterstock)

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I’m not ashamed to admit that of all the holidays available to us as Jews, both secular and non-secular, Thanksgiving is definitely my favorite. As Thanksgiving approaches, several people have asked me what beverage I would serve to best accompany the Thanksgiving meal, and my response is that there is nothing better than Zinfandel.

Most people will tell you that the quintessential wine to serve at Thanksgiving is Pinot Noir, referencing its popularity right now among American wine drinkers. But as my good friend the East Village Wine Geek has said, ever since that oh-so-popular movie came out a few years ago about two guys traipsing around Napa hating on Merlot and searching for the best Pinot, everyone just assumes Pinot Noir is the perfect American wine. In truth, however, while I do enjoy Pinot Noir, the increased demand for the wine (caused by this film) has subsequently made the affordable Pinot quality go downhill, leaving buyers with the choice of taking a risk on an affordable bottle or shelling out a pretty penny.

Zinfandel is also often associated with the U.S., having been grown here since the mid-19th century, first arriving via Long Island. Surprisingly, given how well it pairs with the Thanksgiving meal, it’s not typically recommended by wine merchants, writers and sommeliers as often as Pinot. Other wine writers, such as Eric Asimov, have also shied away from recommending Zinfandels for Thanksgiving because the wine has a reputation of having such a high alcohol content, often times 15%, but many producers have tamed the wine in recent years, and there really are some great ones out there.

Zinfandel pairs perfectly with Thanksgiving, given all of the fall spices present in the dishes and the luscious fruit and spice notes present in the wine. The combination of Pumpkin Pie with Zinfandel is a perfect example, the wine and the sweet spicy pie playing off each other beautifully. And, whipped cream on your pie only takes away from the experience of enjoying a Zinfandel—keeping things conveniently kosher for your meat meal.

Here are some of my favorites:

Teira Sonoma Zinfandel

Ravenswood Zinfandel Vinters Blend

Rosenblum Zinfandel Cuvee

The post The Boozy Jew: The OTHER Thanksgiving Wine appeared first on Jewcy.