[Audience: Awww…..]

Yeah, yeah, relax guys, I’m alright.  But in my newfound singleness I decided-mostly for kicks-hey, why not join one of them there Jewish dating sites I hear so much about?  I’m really curious what kinda freaks [physically, not sexually] they’d hook me up with.  So over to Frumster.com I go.

Firstly, I’m annoyed before I even get out the gate.  Why?  Well, apparently, according to Frumster, there’s only two kinds of "ethnicities": Ashkenazi and Sefaradi.  If you’re not one of those two, your only other options are "Mixed Ethnic" and "Convert". 

Zuh??

**grumble grumble**

Alright, so just to keep the ball rolling, I check "Sefaradi", but when it gets to the "About you" section, I give Frumster a lil piece of my mind:

"About me? Well, firstly I’m known ocassionally as the blogger MaNishtana. Look me up. Also, im a lil annoyed that the only categories under ethnicity are ashkenaz, sfardi, mixed ethnic and convert. Im none of those. However, there’s no African-American tab, so here I am. Beyond that, I’m pretty much the same collection of cliches every other guy throws out there. "Fun-loving" "likes to have a good time" "down to earth" "easygoing". Except in my case you should prolly add "seethingly sarcastic" and "awesome". Or just talk to me and find out "about" me."

Anyhoo, I finish my profile, upload my pic, keep it moving and sign out.

Fast forward to 10:37 the next morning, and I find an email in my inbox.  It’s from Frumster:

"Can you tell me a little bit about your Jewish background as part of a basic screening process?"

At first, I’m inclined to comply.  Then I think, waitaminute, I already answered "Modern Orthodox" when they asked my religious observance.  I clicked "Orthodox religious" when they asked the household I was raised in.  What exactly can they POSSIBLY be asking for at this point?  I have to admit, I’m slightly heated at this point.  But I decide to give it the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe this IS just a "basic screening process" kinda deal.  So, [because I’m not a naïve idiot] just to test this, I quickly whip up a fake profile, complete with pic of some white Facebook friend of mine, and click "Ashkenaz".

Anyhoo, back to replying to Frumster:

"what are you interested in knowing?"

Frumster:

"You specified in your profile that we did not have your correct ethnicity, can you please explain?"

Me:

"I’m an ffb African-American Orthodox Jew, therefore I don’t ethnically fall into any of the ethnicity categories you provide."

Frumster:

"I apologize if this comes off blunt, but is your mother Jewish by birth or orthodox conversion?"

Now, I’m really not sure WHAT that has to do with the issue of my ethnicity not being present, but I’m guessing they think they have some kinda troublemaker on their hands now.  Not yet they don’t.

Me:

"Birth."

Frumster:

"I am interested in your background as we do not encounter many ffb African American Jews. We have listed options according to where the Jewish population comes from. Can you tell me about where your family is from and how they came to be Jewish?"

So this is where I get heated again and have to call bullshit.  Before I was kinda empathetic.  Maybe you’re seeing if I’m the real deal or one of the Power Ranger Hebrew Israelites you see screaming at you in Times Square.  [Aside from the fact that if you are able to find just ONE who would identify themselves as "ffb" or "Modern Orthodox", I’ll give you a million dollars]. But now?  No.  It’s time to go in.  Of course, I keep it classy as always.

Me:

"My family on my mother’s side has been African American and Jewish for a couple of centuries. And as for listing options according to "where the Jewish population comes from", not to be snippy, but that seems to be slightly off-kilter to me. Aside from the fact that Jews can literally be found everywhere, what option would there be for someone born of two "non-standard" ethnic converts to check? Someone whose parents are both Korean converts, for example, or something of a similar nature."

And just as I’m about to rev up Email 2 and really go in about how there are *gasp* non-convert Jews of Color in the world, BAM!  Profile approved.

The entire ordeal took over six hours for my profile to be approved.  My Ashkenazi alias?  Less than two and a half.  And by the way, it’s not "basic screening process" to ask about background.

MaNishtana: 1, Frumster: 0.

The post My One-Night Stand-Off With Frumster appeared first on Jewcy.

Not so much the costume but the character. I think he’s highly underused and has a lot of untapped potential because it’s easier to write him off as a third string character. But the dude is the King Arthur of the sea, PLUS he can command fish…Of course while that sounds kickass on paper, it doesn’t really work so much in real life. Fish have a memory span of about 3 seconds. That’s why they die if you put too much food in the water: they’ve literally forgotten that they JUST finished eating and so eat themselves to death. So with a power to command fish you’d really end up getting nowhere:

Fish: Hi Aquaman!

Aquaman: You! Fish! Come here!

Fish: Sure!

Aquaman: Black Manta has a bomb. I need you to–

Fish: Hi Aquaman!

Aquaman: Yes, hi, great. Look, you’re gonna have to swim down to the–

Fish: Oh wow! Hi Aquaman!

Aquaman: Ok, SERIOUSLY pay attention!

Fish: Sure thing Aquaman!

Aquaman: Good. Now the fuse line is–

Fish: Hi Aquaman!

See? Kind of a useless power. The kind of useless power which is only second, apparently, to being leader of the Jewish people:

Israel: Yay! 10 plagues! You rock Moses!

Moses: Great! But let’s hurry cuz Egypt is on our backs right now.

Israel: What? Why is egypt trying to kill us? Why don’t you ever do anything GOOD for us Moses? We hate you!

Moses: Uh, what? Ok, nevermind. Quick into the sea that’s splitting over here!

Israel: Excellent! Moses you’re the best!

Moses: Um…Thank yo–

Israel: Hey you got any water?

Moses: Not…Not on me right now, n–

Israel: You suck Moses! I don’t know we ever listened to you!

Moses: What the f…*ahem*…Ok look, I threw some wood into this pond here. Drink.

Israel: Dude! That’s why you’re the man Moses!

Moses: Are you…Are you guys really okay? Cuz it–

Israel: OMG Moses, can you try to NOT have us die of hunger?

Moses: How are you even—

Israel: Ooh! Quails!

Moses: Okay, I’m really not–

Israel: Seriously Moses, we’re HUNGRY!

Moses: You can’t be ser–

Israel: Ooh! Manna!

Moses: Honestly, this is just ridic–

Israel: Got any water Moses?

Moses: But you just HAD–

[Punches a rock]

Moses: HERE! Here’s your water!

Israel: YAY MOSES!

Gd: Heeeey Moses…Can I talk to you over here?

Moses: Sure.

Gd: Yeah…I’m gonna need you to not do that again.

Moses: No problem.

Gd: Good. Cuz, like, I will seriously kill you if you do that again.

Moses: Never happen again.

[Disclaimer: Please, do not expect "Real Talk" to make actual Biblical sense. If you are looking for a legitimate commentary of meaning and substance, this ain’t the place. It’s less "Onkelos" and more "Onion", get me?]

The post Real Talk Parsha: Beshalach appeared first on Jewcy.

[Audience applause]

Maury: Welcome back. Now this is Imhotep and Anck-su-namun. Imhotep says that he feels his 3 yr old son Mathayus may be child of another man.  But his wife Anck-su-namun denies ever having an affair and claims that little Mathayus is his.  Let’s hear your side of the story Imhotep.

Imhotep: See, I’m an overseer, right? I spent a lot of time out of the house whipping Hebrew slaves.  It’s my job, y’know? I’m just tryna take of my family, so I’m out of the house a lot.  Then Moses comes along and turns all the dust to lice, so now there’s nothing for the slaves to do and I’m out of a job. So I come home early and I see this Ardeth Bay dude creeping out the back of my house.

Anck-su-namun: Oh you STILL on that? It ain’t even like that. You just need to care of yo responsibilities. This is YO child!

[Audience applause]

Imhotep: Whatever! Whatever! You don’t KNOW me!

Maury: So Imhotep, look at little Mathayus there.

[Picture of Mathayus appears on screen]

[Audience "awww"s]

Maury: Why would anyone wanna deny that child?

Imhotep: Well, see, I THOUGHT he was my son.  But then I come home after that whole Death of the Firstborn plague, all depressed, right? And Mathayus is still alive. What the [bleep] is THAT [bleep] about?

Anck-su-namun: Look, I don’t even know why we here. I told you Horus was watching over him.

Imhotep: Please, that’s that [bleep].

Maury: Well I’ve got the paternity test results right here and we’re gonna get to the bottom of this.

[Audience applause]

Maury: Imhotep…In the case of  3 yr old Mathayus…You are NOT the father!

[Imhotep jumps up, Anck-su-namun runs offstage in tears]

Imhotep: I TOLD you! I TOLD you!

see? keeps on giving.

[Disclaimer: Please, do not expect "Real Talk" to make actual Biblical sense. If you are looking for a legitimate commentary of meaning and substance, this ain’t the place. It’s less "Onkelos" and more "Onion", get me?]

The post Real Talk Parsha: Bo appeared first on Jewcy.

Now take this and rinse, lather, and repeat for frogs, lice, wild beasts, pestilence, boils, hail, and Jonas Brothers.  If this is how annoyingly indecisive he was with the craziest supernatural bad mojo known to man happening to him, imagine how maddening he would be to deal with for something as mundane as, oh, ordering a pizza with friends or something:

Imhotep: Yo Pharaoh, we’re ordering pizza. You in?

Pharaoh: Sure. Lemme get some pineapples on my side.

Anck-su-namun: That sounds good. I’ll get pineapple too.

Pharaoh: Pineapple? I want extra cheese.

Anck-su-namun: But you just said pineapple.

Pharaoh: Yeah, well, I changed my mind.

Imhotep: And here we go. You always do this!

Pharaoh: Do what?

Imhotep: Every four seconds with you, you’re changing your mind.  The hell, man?

Anck-su-namun: And before the food even get here lemme tell you: Yes. I want all of my food. Not some of it. I’m not gonna eat the pizza and fries and you take the soda. I am eating it all.

Pharaoh: So what do I get out of this then?

Anck-su-namun: What do you get out of not trying to get some of my food? You get me not kicking your ass. Does that work for you? Not getting your ass kicked?

Imhotep: Ok, look, let’s not even get into that right now. The total is $27.85, so that’s like $9.30 a person.

Pharaoh: Well I don’t have anything on me right now, but if you pay for it for me, I’ll promise to pay you back.

Imhotep: …Right. Just like you promised I could borrow that Black Eye Peas album if I helped you move, right? But then I did it, and you were like you changed your mind?

Pharaoh: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Imhotep: You don’t know what I’m talking about.

Pharaoh: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Anck-su-namun: Hey, how bout if you shut up I promise to not kick your ass, but then I kick it anyway?

The post Real Talk Parsha: Vaera appeared first on Jewcy.

Yep, you know its true.  Even DeMille’s "Ten Commandments"-clearly the best of the bunch-can’t seem to get it all right. [Aside, of course, from casting Vincent Price as "Nameless Egyptian Overseer Who Inaccurately Whips Joshua For Some Reason", when he would’ve been better served as "Abiram" to Edward G Robinson’s "Dathan".]

Anyhoo, its maddening b/c the material IS ALL RIGHT THERE! All you have to do is pretty much scribble "Enter Moses, stage right" in the margins of the page and BAM!, you’ve got your script. But no, Hollywood always has to screw things up to add "spice" like:

1-Putting Moses in line for the throne. What? Where did you even read that? Pharoah didnt adopt Moses.  Pharoah’s daughter did. In a society where inheritance lines are male oriented, how would he even be in line?

2-Not making Moses 80. Even though it clearly says that Moses was 80. [ex 7:7. Sure thats a lil bit ahead, but whatever]. Movies seem to insist on either having him be some youngish rebel [Prince of Egypt, the atrocious "Moses" mini series on ABC], or they have him be young, trip out on some shrooms while talking to the burning bush, and come down randomly old [Ten Commandments].

3-Having him be former besties with the future pharoah as a young ‘un, thereby putting them in conflict when Moses comes to free his people. This is kind of an offshoot of the "he’s 80? problem. Even if Moses WAS besties with the soon-to-be pharoah, said pharoah was long gone by the time Moses came back nearly SIXTY years later.

4-Moses talks to Pharaoh. Like, the entire Burning Bush episode is about how Moses DOESN’T want to talk to Pharaoh. The entire POINT of Aaron coming along is to talk to Pharaoh FOR Moses. SO WHY DOES EVERY MOVIE HAVE MOSES TALKING TO PHARAOH WHILE AARON JUST STANDS THERE AS A PROP MAN??

5-Miriam never seems to exist. Her whole deal is the Song of the Sea and, yknow, THE WELL OF MIRIAM. Not only haveIi never seen Miriam show up for the Sea song [except for Prince of Egypt] but I’ve also never seen her Well.

C’mon people. Get it together.

[Disclaimer: Please, do not expect "Real Talk" to make actual Biblical sense. If you are looking for a legitimate commentary of meaning and substance, this ain’t the place. It’s less "Onkelos" and more "Onion", get me?]

The post Real Talk Parsha: Shemot appeared first on Jewcy.

Joseph: Um, Dad. MANASSEH is the older one.

Jacob: I know.

Joseph: Then why did you switch h-

Jacob: Oh, I like Ephraim more.

Joseph: You…

[Joseph has mild panic attack.]

Joseph: You LIKE Ephraim more…but…

Jacob: Actually, look in that closet over there? I’ve got this GREAT coat I’d think he’d like.

[Joseph starts hyperventilating.]

Joseph: But with the slavery…and the…

Jacob: No, it’s cool. I just think th-BWAHAHAHA…

[Jacob guffaws, wipes away tears. Joseph faints of stress.]

Jacob: Oh gosh…I almost had it there…Whoo…If I could see the look on your face…

Anyhoo, after that Jacob gathers his sons together and gives them their blessings in a scene slightly reminiscent of when Zordon bestows the zords and morphers on the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, just without the crazy synth/guitar solo playing in the background. Jacob dies afterwards, has a funeral in which Esau shows up to crash the party and ends up getting his head chopped off [you guys should really pick up a midrash once in a while]. Joseph and his brothers reconcile AGAIN, and the series finale of "Genesis" is brought to close with Joseph revealing to the brothers the secret password that the true deliverer will use to bring them out of Egypt and back to Israel.

Chazak Chazak V’nitchazek

[Disclaimer: Please, do not expect "Real Talk" to make actual Biblical sense. If you are looking for a legitimate commentary of meaning and substance, this ain’t the place. It’s less "Onkelos" and more "Onion", get me?]

The post Real Talk Parsha: Vayechi appeared first on Jewcy.

Joseph: No! Don’t sell me!

Judah: Sell him.

*****

Jacob: My son! My son is gone!

Reuben: I TOLD you guys not to sell him!

*****

Potiphar: Welcome to Egypt, Joseph. I appoint you head of my household affairs.

*****

Potiphar: Throw him in jail!

****

Butler: Great Pharoah, while in jail I came across this Hebrew youth who could interpret dreams with startling accuracy.

Pharaoh: Then bring him forward!

*****

Pharoah: I crown you viceroy, Joseph.

*****

Jacob: Why are you sitting here? We need food! Go to Egypt and get some!

****

Joseph: You are all spies!

Brothers: No we’re not! We’re just here to buy food and looking for a brother we lost.

****

Joseph: Don’t come before me again without your youngest brother!

****

Jacob: No! I wont let you take Benjamin too!

Judah: Father, I will PERSONALLY guarantee Benjamin’s safety.

****

Joseph: My stolen cup was found in Benjamin’s sack. He will stay here as my slave.

****

And now, the conclusion of "Joseph: The Series."

So after last week’s cliffhanger ending, Judah steps up and…well pretty much says everything I just said. Joseph finally breaks down [or has a schizophrenic episode. either one] and reveals himself to his brothers. According to the midrash, quite literally. [ie, his circumcision, which weren’t all the rage back in the day. The midrash says a lot of things about this episode, actually. like how Judah and the brothers went all "Justice League" when Joseph was refusing to let Benjamin go, with sonic screams and bleeding tears and running around Egypt with super speed and iron hair. True story.]. At any rate, Joseph sends his bros back home to tell Jacob and to bring everyone down to Egypt so he can take care of them for the rest of the famine.

So after this entire ordeal, theres a happy reunion, tears are shed, and Jacob meets Pharoah. Pharoah asks how old he is, [probably impressed that Jacob strolls into town with twelve kids from four different women and 70 descendants total] to which Jacob says 130 and that those years have been short and evil. Then he blesses Pharoah and bounces.

Wow.

can you imagine that?

Pharoah: Dude, you stroll up in here with SEVENTY heads? How old are you playa playa?

Jacob: [sigh] Oh…yeah…130…had four wives…12 kids…tons of wealth…cattle….fought an angel…[sigh]…miserable life really…But, hey, I totally wish you luck on this whole ruling the known world thing. go do you.

[shakes head]

[Disclaimer: Please, do not expect "Real Talk" to make actual Biblical sense. If you are looking for a legitimate commentary of meaning and substance, this ain’t the place. It’s less "Onkelos" and more "Onion", get me?]

The post Real Talk Parsha: Vayigash appeared first on Jewcy.

Meanwhile, apparently Pharoah’s Dealer gives him some bad stuff, leading to Pharoah having crazy dreams about sevens, cows, and grain, and thereby making Pharoah the first first person to experience the munchies as they were high. Pharoah is still flipping out on his bad trip and making everyone worried when: enter Butler’s selective memory. We slip back into soap opera/fairytale mode as Joseph can correctly interpret the dream, wins Pharoah’s heart, goes from rags to riches, and gets the girl.

In "meanwhile, back at the ranch"-style, we’re reminded that everyone back home thinks Joseph is fairly completely dead. Also, it’s famine time, during which the brothers apparently spend all their time sitting around looking at each other, which completely pisses the crap out of Jacob. [Although, to be fair, that would be fairly maddening to experience even if there weren’t a famine or a dead/missing son in the equation.] Off the brothers go to Egypt where [dun!dun!dun!] Joseph awaits. In an effort to "better" them and "help them atone for selling him" [uh huh. Alright Joseph. We’ll buy your story] Joseph gives his bros the royal jerk around with prison stays, spy accusations, and other tactics brought to you by McCarthy and the fine people at Guantanamo Bay. He sends them home and tells them not to come back unless they also bring their youngest brother Benjamin with them [who sat out on this little road trip].

The brothers go back home with the food, totally flip out when they see their money is right back in their bags, and tell Jacob they cant go back for more unless they bring Benjy with them. Jacob says hell no…then three stomach growls later says okay, fine. So everybody ends up back in Egypt and Joseph holds a feast for them where he catches up, laughs a little, cries a little, pops some Zoloft, and sends everybody home after hiding his cup in Benjy’s bag.

When the brothers discover the cup in Benjy’s bag, it’s right back to Egypt [Honestly, I think Fellowship of the friggin RING did less walking back and forth than these guys] where Joseph declares that the rest of the brothers can go free…except for the cup thief. Since up until now the bros were okay with Joseph’s treatment because they figured they deserved it, once Benjy starts getting flak–the only one NOT involved in the Joseph Liquidation Sale–Judah figures enough is enough, and as Joseph’s servants roll out the carbonite machine, Judah steps to Joseph and–THEN IT ENDS.  RIGHT THERE!

A cliffhanger?? Really?? What, is it sweeps week up there? Trying to keep the angels at the edge of their seats? Thats like if  "The Two Towers" ended just when the Rohirrim show up at Helm’s Deep!  How can you just

The post Real Talk Parsha: Miketz appeared first on Jewcy.

"Chrismukkah."

[sigh]

Yeah, I get it. Why have two separate consumeristic commercialized juggernauts when you can combine them not unlike the Voltron/Captain Planet/Power Ranger cartoons of yore?

Well, see…these two don’t exactly play nice together. And I’m not just talking about the fact that one celebrates the miracle of overthrowing the Greek attempt to supplant Judaism versus a commeration of the birth of the dude who sparked a religion which attempt[ed]/[s]…to supplant Judaism…(Which is oxymoronic enough in itself.) No, I’m talking about the fact that one is kinda sorta directly responsible for the other, in a not fun kinda way.

So we all know the Chanukah story bit, right? Mattathias and his sons Judah, Jonathan, Simon, Eliezer, and, um, John. [John? Really? That’s like "Bob the Maccabee."] Anyhoo, they kick out the Greeks, restore the Temple, find some Energy-Save oil and Yay Judaism!..but then AFTER that? Well, Jonathan becomes High Priest, which upsets the usual priestly family and their followers. Also, these followers have decided that Judaism has gotten a bit too lax, so they develop this system of strict purity rules and abandon the lunar calendar for the solar one. They try to convince Jonathan to follow and promote this new version of Judaism to which he says no and pretty much declares war on them and their leader, the mysterious "Teacher of Righteousness."

Long story short, this little sect group decides to go off to themselves and follow this "New Covenant" they’ve created, and when their leader the "Teacher of Righteousness" dies, they begin to preach that he will come back from the dead to finish his work and shortly after that the world will end.

Sound like anyone we know? Yep. Except this is a good 150 or so years before our good buddy JC even comes on the scene. Interestingly enough though, his parents [as well as that John the Baptist dude] were all a part of this little sect, usually known as the "Essenses." Apparently once J comes around, they realize this whole "Teacher of Righteousness" deal isn’t really lucrative, so they decide to just repackage it, select everything in the "Teacher of Righteousness" cell [New Covenant, Resurrection, and all], press Ctrl+C, and then Ctrl +V on JC.

[And on a random sidenote: the weird solar/lunar calendar switch explains some of the loopy things in the New Testament timelines. (Yes, the "Last Supper" was a Seder service. But no, it didn’t take place during Pesach, seeing as how people were laying down palm branches, which means it was actually around Sukkot.) Because, as we all know, solar and lunar dates rarely meet up exactly. And especially not after 150 years.]

So essentially Chanukah is the Jewish celebration of the beginning of the chain of events which leads to the birth of a religion that’ll spend a good 2000 years persecuting us, the Savior of which is "born" on Christmas. [Even though he was really born in the spring.] Celebrating these two holidays together makes as much sense as celebrating "BatmanJoker Day." Or some real world equivalent that makes more sense.

Anyway, chag chanukah sameach.

The post Chrismukkah? No, Thanks. appeared first on Jewcy.

See, I’m guessing since the Torah hadn’t been given yet and all, that the angels had pretty much absolutely nothing to do with their time, and had taken to randomly running up and down metaphysical staircases sprinkled in with the occasional instance of them running up on people in the middle of the night and fighting them. So Gd’s all like, "Look, y’all need to calm that ish down" and to keep their attention occupied, creates "Joseph: The Series."

How can you say this isn’t some soap opera type nonsense? Think of all the convoluted extended storyline, side character stories, lost sibling, mistaken identity, sibling rivalry, secret lover, illicit affair, wrongly accused/imprisoned underdog, rags to riches, supernatural ability, knockdown drag out fist fights of anything on Days Of Our Lives and it can’t hold a candle to the next few weeks we have ahead of us. In fact, let’s make a drinking game out of this and take a shot for every soap-opera trope. First one to die of alcohol poisoning loses:

In this thrilling premiere episode, Joseph, the "spoiled" nearly youngest son [drink] of Jacob’s most beloved dead wife [drink] who has the power of prophetic dreams [drink] is sold into slavery by his envious siblings [drink]. At first they intend to kill him, but Joseph finds an unlikely ally [drink] in Reuben who says to spare his life. Reuben then makes a big show of leaving with the secret intention of returning to rescue Joseph from the pit [drink]. The brothers sell Joseph, Reuben returns just in time to be too late [drink], the brothers deceive their father into thinking his favorite son is dead [drink], and the brothers vow never to reveal their dark family secret [drink]. Joseph ends up being bought in Egypt by Pharoah’s damn near right hand man [drink], Potiphar.

Meanwhile [drink], Judah has an affair with his daughter in law [drink], gets her pregnant [drink], marries her [drink], and has twins [drink].

Returning to the main storyline in Egypt [drink], Joseph impresseses his new boss Potiphar so much that he’s appointed head of the household [drink]. But Potiphar is out of the house a lot on work and doesnt have any time for his wife [drink], so Potiphar’s wife waits till everyone is out of the house [drink] and tries seducing Joseph [drink] who runs out of the house so fast that he leaves behind the incriminating evidence of his robe [drink]. Joseph is then wrongfully sent to jail [drink] where he charms the warden into making him the inside boss of the prison [drink]. Whilst in prison Joseph uses his dream powers [drink] to tell Pharoah’s butler and baker their fates. True to Joseph’s word [drink], the baker is sentenced to death and the butler is set free.

Will the butler remember Joseph?

Find out next week!

[drink]

[Disclaimer: Please, do not expect "Real Talk" to make actual Biblical sense. If you are looking for a legitimate commentary of meaning and substance, this ain’t the place. It’s less "Onkelos" and more "Onion", get me?]

The post Real Talk Parsha: Vayeshev appeared first on Jewcy.