In the Haredi neighborhood of Bnei Brak in Israel, Twisted, an advertising agency, thought up a wily way to promote the movement to end violence against women. Twisted put up a poster that prominently showed an attractive model, knowing that it would get vandalized. Unsurprisingly, when it was torn down, a second layer of the poster was revealed with a message that read, “International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women 25.11.03.” Haaretz reports:

In a campaign coinciding with the United Nations’ International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, marked on November 25, Israeli advertising firm Twisted tackled the issue of excluding women from the public sphere, Ice.co.il reported.

Check out the before and after:

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The week that the Congress was set to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act, Time published a photo essay by Sara Naomi Lewkowicz that documented a night of domestic violence at a house in Southeastern Ohio.

The 30-year-old Ohio University graduate student had been documenting the relationship of Shane, 31, a recently released felon with a history of drug problems, and Maggie, 19 and a mother of two young children from her estranged husband for four months. It had been her intention to chronicle Shane’s reintegration into normal life after years spent in and out of jail. But on the night of the fight, Lewkowicz’s photo essay turned into a portrait of a hidden private crime—domestic violence.

Since the publication of “Shane and Maggie”—first on fotovisura and then in Time—the essay has gone viral and sparked conversation about domestic violence. It has also brought no shortage of criticism on the victim and the photographer who witnessed and chronicled that dark night.

I spoke to Lewkowicz about what happened that night, and the controversy that followed.

How did the violence begin and escalate?

They got into an argument at the bar because another girl was flirting with him and Maggie got jealous and left. Once we got back to the house and it started to escalate and he started making it about him, how he was the one who had the right to be angry, not her.

He shoved her as soon we got into the house. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be it. By the second time, I said okay, this is going to go to a place that isn’t going to be good.

Did you feel in danger at all during the incident?

I never felt at all in danger or scared. I kind of intellectually acknowledged that there was a very real possibility that I could be in danger but he never directed his anger towards me. The only time I felt actually in danger was when I put my hand in his pocket to get my phone back. I was like, “Alright, I might get punched in the face.” [Shane had previously borrowed it to call Maggie after she left the bar.]

What went into the decision to continue taking photos of the incident?

It was kind of a multilayered thing. Part of it is that I’m a visual journalist—I document what I see and I know that people don’t see this very often. It was the idea of taking something that is usually such a hidden crime, so private, and showing what it looked like. Also, I wanted him to know that I was taking those pictures. I wanted him to know on some level that somebody was watching, somebody was witnessing.

What was your reaction to seeing the photos you took for the first time after the incident?

I pretty much knew what I had that night. I knew from scrolling through the photos. I showed them to Maggie that night. I said, ‘Look I’m not trying to tell you what to do or how to live your life, but this is what it looked like from where I was standing.’ It’s a lot harder to deny the severity of something when it’s presented to you in a photograph. You can get into a fight with somebody and then later deceive yourself into thinking it wasn’t a big deal when it really was.

Honestly, I didn’t react very emotionally to the photos. I reacted emotionally later on when I heard the 911 tape. [After Sara took her phone back from Shane, she gave it to another person in the house and directed them to go to the bathroom where he couldn’t see them and call 911.]

I got really emotional over that. I looked at the photos and I knew that this was a very intimate portrayal of something I don’t usually see portrayed. I didn’t react differently to the photos than I did to being there. I was there.

You noted that domestic violence is something that most people never witness. Now having witnessed it, did it upset any of your preconceived notions of DV or confirm them?

It gave me an introduction. I had never seen it. I have never experienced it in that I’ve never been physically assaulted by a partner. What struck me about it was how many signs were there before it happened that I wasn’t even aware of or completely conscious of. When I look back at the photos, the photos seem to know what I didn’t. I think I was unconsciously making certain decisions about what to shoot and how to shoot that now looking back made sense. At the time I wasn’t sitting there thinking that this guy is going to beat this girl up.

What were some of the signs that you picked up in the photos?

He was isolating her. That’s a big one. He moved pretty far away from her family and friends and controlled her ability to come and go. He had the car keys and if they got into a fight, he would take them away and wouldn’t let her leave. He was always invading her personal space. He couldn’t just let her be. He always had to be in her personal space, physically dominating her, physically dominating the kids. He was in competition with the little boy, which I was conscious of very early on and I thought was very weird.

He had gotten her name tattooed on his neck in really big letters. Initially, I made a decision not to judge that because I wouldn’t go to the Pacific Island and see a tribesman with tattoos on his face and judge him for that. I’m in Appalachia and this is a different culture from anything I’ve grown up with. I approached this with the same openness as I would anything else.

But getting a name tattooed on you like that can be a way of making them feel like they owe you.

And was it early in the relationship?

He got it after they were dating for a month.

There was so much rage heaped on you as the photographer for not intervening and protecting Maggie just as there was the photographer in the case of the subway pusher.

Which I thought was interesting considering the fact that in that case, there was a station full of people who didn’t do anything.

Beyond the journalistic ethics, the suggestion that I should’ve interceded is ludicrous. I’m not trained in combat. I’m not trained in mediation. I’m not trained in how to disarm somebody. I was dealing with a guy who was drunk, angry, and clearly didn’t have a problem hitting women.

All of the other bystanders who aren’t journalists and don’t have to concern themselves with journalistic ethics—why do they escape disapproval?

I think that it’s a matter of identification. In my photos you can’t see the other people in them. I deliberately edited it so that they aren’t identified. And essentially you have three or four different people you can identify with—you can identify with Maggie. You can identify with Shane. You can identify with Memphis [Maggie’s daughter]. Or you can identify with me. Since most people viewing the pictures are in the act of witnessing, they’re going to identify with me because I’m the firsthand witness. And most people would like to think that if they were in that position, they would’ve done X,Y, and Z. When you’re identifying with someone, you’re really wondering—what would I have done?

People also don’t want to feel helpless and they think witnessing something is tantamount to being helpless. But I wasn’t helpless in that scenario. I put myself at risk by sticking my hand in his pocket and physically coming in contact with him that way. I made sure the police were being called. I surrendered the photos to the police and was willing to testify. I didn’t feel helpless at all.

I know you went to see Maggie in Alaska. Can you give us an update on how she is doing?

She’s doing better than she was. It’s still really difficult for her and she has to do some work to sort through it. Her husband who she was estranged from when he was with Shane—they’re both young and they have a lot of history together. They met when they were 14 and got pregnant at 15. They care about each other a lot but they have a lot of stuff to deal with.

I know that you sort of stumbled into this topic by accident but do you plan to continue to pursue domestic violence as a subject?

It’s tough to answer because it is a thing you just have to be there for. I want to use this story to do work and I’d love to do some work with some battered women’s shelters, but it’s not going to be the only subject I ever document. I have a particular interest in gender issues but they range pretty widely. I already know that whatever I do in the future, this piece of work will be a pivotal body of work within my career.

Previous columns: Misogyny in Israel—and Not Just at the Western Wall

Obsessive Compulsive Passover

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“My name is Rachel, I am now 39 years old, turning 40 in just a few months- this is my story about my life. I came to the United States at the age of 24 with my family. When I first arrived, I took classes to learn computer skills, word processing, and typing, and landed a job in the jewelry district where I was soon promoted to work with large accounts. As a single Jewish woman in the city, I was able to spend time socializing and dating.

At the age of 32 I met my husband-to-be. Our dating felt perfect–though looking back it wasn’t–but for the 8 months we dated it was good. I hoped to have a large family and raise my children with him. I remember once while were discussing how hard things were for his divorced sister, he said “no man should beat his wife” and pledged to always care for his wife and children.

Our wedding was beautiful–people are still talking about it. We had two singers and an outside chuppah adorned with flowers.

I woke up the next morning- the morning after my wedding night- and the cycle of abuse began. It first started with just words and attitude- he would question my every move.

The day after we married he asked, “Why don’t you go to work?” When I answered that, as we planned, I was going to take a vacation in honor of the wedding, he forced me to stay home for three weeks. He had me be dishonest with my workplace and basically ruined my career. When I returned to work, he kept me home late in the morning, causing me to be late, and called throughout the day disturbing my office. He also started to criticize how I dressed, and said things like I wore too much make-up and then not enough make-up.

Around two months after the wedding he started to physically abuse me and would deny it to my face, even though I had bruises. A year later, I got pregnant hoping that this would help our marriage. He still didn’t care; when I was sick and asked him to take me to the doctor, he was too busy out with friends.

When I was five months pregnant, he beat me up. When we went to the hospital, my husband denied the abuse to the doctor, even though I had bruises. At the hospital he started to verbally abuse me, and luckily the doctor put this in my medical records.

When our daughter was born, he was upset the baby wasn’t a boy. He never helped with the baby, but had me leave my job and work for him. There was never any stop to the abuse; even while I was holding the baby he would hit me with a belt.

I remember the last time he abused me– he began by criticizing me and then took the baby away to put her in the crib. Afterwards, he pushed and spit on me while cursing me and my family. He left the house and I decided I could no longer stay with him. I was scared. I put my daughter in the stroller, put on a jacket, and left empty-handed. We went right to the police and then filed for a protection order in family court. We moved into my parents’ home–the only safe place I knew.

I took nothing with me–my baby and nothing else. I tried asking him to give me clothes for the baby- but he wouldn’t allow me to get any of my stuff or the baby’s things.

I reached out to people in my community for assistance. Then I found Met Council. I started to work with Met Council in October of 2002. I remember coming for the first time on a cold day without a jacket; I left with money to buy a jacket. Since then, Met Council helped me with phone bills, utilities, food vouchers, and legal fees. Additionally, I meet with a social worker for support and attend a support group with other victims.

I continue to fight for my divorce in family court. I have finally received a civil divorce, but he continues to withhold my Get (a Jewish divorce document) which would allow me to remarry. I do have full custody of my daughter and an order of protection against my husband until 2021–when my daughter turns 18. My ex-husband did not comply with visitation, and by his choice has not seen our daughter in over 5 years.

Even now, my struggles continue. I often feel alone. I have few adult friends and don’t always feel that people understand what I went through. Some are critical of my situation. I am shy and don’t want to keep asking for help.

I still don’t have my Get, so I am trapped to him. We are trying to find a way to make him give it to me. In the meantime, I live for my daughter. She is beautiful and healthy and is doing well in school. I hope to someday be able to create my own life, but for now, I am safe. I have her and that is enough.”

Over the past year and a half, Met Council has a seen a dramatic increase in the number of DV cases coming to our doors from the Jewish community. Part of the reason is positive — as a community, we are more aware and willing to acknowledge this issue and offer support. And part of the reason is that as the recession causes an increase in overall stress and difficulties for families, more and more clients from a wider range of backgrounds are reporting instances of family violence.

Unfortunately, Jewish victims- both women and men- may face unique barriers in dealing with family violence. These barriers include shanda (shame), the idea that Shalom Bayit (harmony in the home) is paramount and the responsibility of the woman, lack of community resources, denial of the problem, and, most painfully, the lack of family and community support.

This October and beyond, let’s recognize that this is an issue in our own community and look for ways to help those who are suffering.

–Shana Frydman, LCSW

Director of Met Council’s Family Violence Program.

To get involved in raising awareness and helping to combat this pressing issue,go to www.metcouncil.org.

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