Ain mol a saichel, dos tsvaiteh mol chain, dem dritten mol git men in di tsain: The first time it’s smart, the second time it’s cute, the third time you get a sock in the teeth.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 20): Happy Astrological New Year!

The Aries ram finds its place in Jewish history as an instrument of salvation—instead of sacrificing his son Isaac, Abraham sacrificed a ram in Isaac’s place. The rebirth of the sun is also an important Aries myth, and its symbolism of renewal is inherent to the story of Passover, which is determined by the spring equinox, signaling our release from winter’s bondage.

Aries, a cardinal fire sign, is the first sign of the zodiac, and, as the head of the year, it rules the head and face. Therefore, you are the most forward-looking and self-assertive sign of the zodiac. Ruled by Warrior Mars (the planet named after the Roman god of war), Aries are often impetuous, reckless, and above all, action-oriented. Exceedingly ambitious, headstrong, and impulsive, you’re always full of new schemes and ideas. But Aries can also be a bit combative at times—prone to extremes and to jealousy. Nevertheless, your quiet time is just as crucial to your well-being—you need to recharge your batteries even more than the rest of us!

Aries are all about truth, and are never at a loss for the right word. Your dynamic directness must be softened by humor and charm, though, which you have in spades. You are all about action, starting new things and getting them done. While your mantra may be ‘No guts no glory,’ keep in mind that your opponents have bring their own strengths to the table. Do your best to avoid being perceived as a loose cannon: Mit rugzeh fort men nit veit (with anger you don’t get too far). 

Famous Aries Jews: Harry Houdini, Matthew Broderick, Gloria Steinem, Leonard Nimoy, William Shatner, Sarah Jessica Parker, Paul Rudd, James Caan, Seth Rogan, James Franco, Rhea Perlman, Alan Arkin, Paul Reiser, Stephen Sondheim, Jennifer Grey,, Marc Jacobs, Barry Levinson, Perry Farrell, Dan Clowes, Lew Wasserman, Erica Jong, Serge Gainsbourg, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kate Hudson, Ron Perlman, Ellen Barkin, Amanda Bynes, David Blaine.

TAURUS (APRIL 21-MAY 20): Your mind, body and spirit fuse this month, giving you insight into the deepest reaches of your character. You’ll slow down to your preferred laidik-gaier (idler, loafer) state-of-being when Venus enters its home sign, Taurus, April 15 to May 9. 

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): With your ruling planet Mercury finally direct, and transiting through opportunistic Aries, from April 13 to May 1, you’ll have plenty of chances to increase your popularity—if such a thing is even possible! Zhu met (mir) in kop—the buzzing in your mind—is amplified by Aries, a fire sign, which implores you to move impulsively from one thing to the next. Take a deep breath—and don’t quit your day job.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 20): Long time no see, you lobbus (little monster). While you’re most comfortable nesting at home, you will be confronted by more professional responsibilities in the coming weeks. With the new moon in Aries on April 10, however, you are encouraged to face your sheidim (demons), get out into the world and try something different.

LEO (JULY 21-AUGUST 20): Wild hearts can’t be broken, but your current hartsvaitik (heartache) is the sneaking suspicion that your skills aren’t being used effectively. If you’re just waiting around for someone to take notice, you could be waiting forever. Be true to your bad self and have confidence that your work will speak for itself. In the meantime, perhaps a vacation is in order? Travel in good health (for gesunterhait), you menschy monarchs.  

VIRGO (AUGUST 21-SEPTEMBER 20): While industrious Virgos have the reputation of being kuni leml (a nerd), try to cut loose a bit this month. This doesn’t mean you have to compromise your values or sense of tznius (modesty). A gentleman doesn’t ask and a lady doesn’t tell, but with your ruling planet Mercury direct and in fiery, impulsive Aries, you’ll want to shout your Virgo verve from the rooftops! 

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 21-OCTOBER 20): When Venus enters her home sign, Taurus, from April 15 to May 9, you’ll want to indulge in the finer things. However, you may feel compelled to clean up the shudden (big mess) you’ve made of your love life. Love is a naidlechech (rare thing), and you don’t want it to slip through your fingers. Perhaps it’s time to take a page from Libra Nanny Fine’s book: “It don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got that ring.” 

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 21-NOVEMBER 20): Scorpios live by the credo di beste rede iz di vos men halt nit—the best speech is the one you don’t make. But with your ruling planet Pluto retrograde from April 12 to September 20, your power struggles and their attendant pressures should begin to ease. Your passions and desires—as well as your temper—could reach their breaking point. But don’t worry: what happens in Scorpio stays in Scorpio.

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 21-DECEMBER 20): As the great Sagittarian nebbish Woody Allen once said, “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” This month, stars are aligning to get you up and out there—take some risks already! Sagittarians have, if nothing else, an open mind. Remain true to your inquisitive self and remember: az me fregt, blonzhet men nisht (if one asks, one does not err).

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 21-JANUARY 20): Stuck in the middle of your ruling planet Saturn’s retrograde period, resolving old issues has forced you to take a long, hard at your truest self. If it seems to you that the more things change the more they stay the same, maybe it’s time to really shake things up once and for all—folg mikh a gayng! (that’s no small task!). Finding a balance between home and work is a Capricorn’s eternal struggle.  

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21-FEBRUARY 20): Aquarians tend to keep their emotions bottled up, which always leads to trouble. Tsum shtain zol men klogen nor nit bei zich zol men trogen—better pour out your troubles to a stone, but don’t carry them within yourself. Opening up to others allows you to appreciate the variety of perspectives that may come your way. While aleyn iz di neshome reyn—being single has its advantages; lit., alone, one’s soul is pure—it is through your relationships with others than you’ll learn something valuable about yourself. 

PISCES (FEBRUARY 21-MARCH 20): Planets moving out of your sign this month may appear to darken your doorstep, but di tseit brengt vunden un hailt vunden—time brings wounds and heals them. With all of the pressures of the last few years, you feel like you’ve lost the courage of your conviction—and the confidence you need to make the right choices. Get the money, honey; and zei nit kain vyzoso!—don’t be an idiot!—ask for help if you need it. 

What’s Your Sign?
Pisces, the Dual-Natured Water Sign
Aquarius, Sign of Contradictions
Capricorn, the Cardinal Earth Sign
Sagittarius, the Adventurous Archer
Stinging Scorpio
Lovely, Lawful Libra
Virgo, the Anxious Maiden
Leo, King of the Jungle

The post Jewcy Horoscopes: Aries, the Dynamic, Headstrong Fire Sign appeared first on Jewcy.

It’s official, this year’s Sundance Short Film Festival will premiere Fight For Your Right Revisited, a short film about the making of the Beastie’s banger, “Fight For Your Right to Party.”  The film is being written and directed by Adam Yauch, and the cast is set to feature impressive list of comedic Hollywood actors, with Seth Rogen starring as Mike D, Elijah Wood as Adrock and Danny McBride as MCA, as well as appearance by Will Ferrel, Jack Black and John C. Reily.

Here’s hoping that they go the extra mile and bring in Tracey Morgan to play HR from the Bad Brains, but either way, the film promises some much needed excitement in the way of Beastie news.

The post Beastie Boys Making “Fight For Your Right” Movie appeared first on Jewcy.

Today’s FFJD Advice Arsenal question is about when a date goes on for far too long. When you like the guy, but basically you’ve been sitting on the bar stool for so long your butt is asleep, you’re pretty sure that you were sober then tipsy then sober and now bored and wondering whether or not you DVRd Conan or not (which I can’t decide if I like? But I certainly feel bad for Seth Rogan’s topless fiancee).

What to do?

Dear FFJD,

I am a huge fan of your blog and can completely relate to it from my own JDate experiences.  I wanted to know your opinions on the problem I’ve been having lately when a guy asks me to get “drinks.”  The issue is kind of like your post on “how to say no” except with how to let the guy know the date is over.  When I go out to dinner with a guy, dinner ends, we get the check, we go, clearly the date has a timeline.

With drinks…there is no clear ending.  Lately my “drinks” dates have been lasting usually an hour to 1.5 hours wayyyy longer than they should be.  Even if the date was going well initially, I’ll leave the date completely disinterested with no intentions of seeing him again because I am just so frustrated that it went on so long.

I start to shift uncomfortably, fidget, mildly start acting disinterested and bored, but guys don’t seem to get it.  The check will come, he will take forever to pay.  He will finally pay and then not push the check out assertively, so the waiter will have no idea he’s paid, it’s extremely frustrating.

Since I’m not the one paying, I don’t feel comfortable being like, “OK!  Time for you to just push your money out a bit more assertively, I really want to get out here, you have seriously started to bore me!”

Any suggestions?  I’ve never been one for the “oh my friend is calling, might be important” stunt.  I might be ready to give up on getting drinks and strictly suggest dinner to potential daters.

– Bored Betty

Dearest Bored Betty – this can be an issue with getting drinks. There is no ending point. I’ve encountered this before, and it can be especially uncomfortable on a Friday or Saturday night, because you’re like oh hey we just met and you’re cool and all but like, do we have to go out together now to Napoleon and spend the entire evening together even though I just learned that you have double-jointed thumbs?

Peace out.

Do you do dinner instead? Dinner can be expensive, long, and then you’re trapped with an extremely nice Jewish boy who just really isn’t doing it for you. And you’re only on the first course.

Basically, you just need to be vocal and cut it off. It may seem awkward and hard at first, but you don’t want to get continually bored by your dates. Plus, if you talk about everything under the sun you want have anything to talk about the next time you rendezvous for VSCs. (vodka, soda, cran, duh.)

This means fibbing a little. Not a bad lie, like an oh I’m not actually single or I stole the car I drove here in, but more of something along the lines of “I have to work in the morning and I’d like to not fall asleep at my desk and drool on my NYT crossword (WHICH IS SO IMPOSSIBLE TO GET THESE DAYS, COME ON WILL SHORTZ. But I do love that your last name is Shortz.) and subsequently ruin 27 Down with my saliva.”

But you know, you don’t have to get that detailed. If you do like the guy, just be sure to not make that excuse seem like you’re blowing him off. Maybe follow that up with how much fun you had and that you’d love to do something soon.

If it’s a weekend night, just say you have a birthday or another event to go to. This can be uncomfortable, because you don’t really want to bring this guy to anything involving your friends if it’s a first date (unless it’s going swimmingly and basically you’ve fallen in lurvey lurve boo boo doo doo and can’t wait to introduce him to everyone…and in that case I’d still wait).

The bottom line is, you don’t have to bring him along all night. If you do, it can create a horrendous situation because you’re going to have to introduce him to people. Which is awkward always until you have a firm grasp of where you stand in the relationship/have known each other for more than 1.5 hours.

“HIiiiiiii JESS!! This is Jeff.

Oh, how do we know each other? Funny you should ask. I met him about 2 hours ago. His dog is named after a 30 Rock character. Check out his thumbs.”

xoxo,

FFJD

Any other suggestions, FFJD-ers?

_______

Email your FFJD queries, stories, and complaints to fiftyfirstjdates@gmail.com!

Follow FFJD on Twitter and Be a Fan on Facebook!

The post FFJD Advice Corner: Never Ending Dates appeared first on Jewcy.