Nicki Minaj did a stellar impression of Beyonce on SNL this past weekend—so good, in fact, that the Jewish world totally overlooked her slightly-less-stellar-but-still-excellent Kim Kardashian impersonation, in which she revealed the big scoop of the holiday season, which we solemnly bring to you now: the story behind the Official Kim K Hanukkah card.

Dressed in a nude body-con dress, her luscious hair extensions cascading over her shoulders, Minaj-as-Kardashian patiently explained the truth behind her beloved/infamous nude photo shoot for Paper Magazine. Apparently, editors “forgot to put the backgrounds in so the photos are completely out of context,” and they’re actually all, like, super-noble public service announcements in service of the betterment of humanity! Like, her oil-slicked body is really “a warning about the new Keystone Pipeline.” And that crazy champagne-parabola pic is actually a “part of a math competition for high school seniors.” (“X equals full frontal!”)

And that final shot of Kardashian exuberantly facing the camera front on, breasts akimbo? “It was going to be my Hanukkah card for my Jewish friends,” Minaj cooed in Kim’s signature vocal fry register. “L’Chaim!”

Quoth Kim: that’s hot.

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Lena Dunham is hosting Saturday Night Live this week. Here’s the official promo with cast member and fellow young feminist, Kate McKinnon. For your convenience, we have included a transcript of the most aspirational and inspirational part of the video! (But there’s a good shirtless bit too, so keep watching you lecherous bastards.)

Lena Dunham‘s Goals For The Week:

1. Be on time,
2. Wear comfortable shoes,
3. Don’t ask too many questions,
4. Be present at all times,
5. Take deep breaths,
6. Have some sort of vegetable serving every day,
7. Focus on what I like about myself rather than what I don’t like about myself,
8. Stretch every morning,
9. Have two cups of coffee max per day,
10. Relax,
11. And have fun.

Kate McKinnon‘s Goal For The Week:

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Fred Armisen’s totally on point, previously un-aired impersonation of Ira Glass has been rescued from the dustbin of history, and for that we can all give thanks. It was filmed in a Saturday Night Live dress rehearsal in 2011 but left out of the final cut. Armisen nails Glass’ intonation and uptalk, Seth Meyers is the perfect straight man, and there’s a delightfully accented Mexican factory worker.

p.s. Bonus link! You can hear Armisen and Glass co-host an episode of This American Life (called Doppelgängers, natch) here. Don’t try to keep track of who’s who! Just relax into the slightly creepy Twin Peaksy vibe and enjoy.

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The world (or maybe just me) kvells when they find out a black rapper is in fact, a Jew.

Drake hosted, performed, and “killed it” on SNL this past Saturday, where he publicly apologized for the YOLO trend, gave a shout out to his Degrassi roots, and alerted everyone that he is….a member of the tribe!

By addressing every one of his truths: being black, being Jewish, celebrating Hanukkah, chilling with Weezy, and dating Rihanna, he gave critics absolutely nothing to respond, but in laughter. Yes, Drake is a walking set of contradictions, and yes his intonations and grammar change depending on who he is talking to, but that’s what makes Aubrey, Aubrey. His self-deprecating skit on SNL show’s he’s truly comfortable with all of that.

This “flashback” moment pokes fun at most every single black and Jewish stereotype and features a performance by Drake rapping about Boca Raton and purple drinks: Manischewitz (what were you thinking?).

(Photo by Getty)

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I guess we always knew this day would come. Former SNL cast member and Digital Shorts guru Andy Samberg popped the question to his longtime girlfriend, musician Joanna Newsom. The fact that Newsom is talented and probably really cool and smart seems irrelevant in light of the fact that, whether they admit it or not, every Jewish girl in the world has a crush on Samberg and it’s just not fair.

There’s still that other Jewish guy from The Lonely Island though, right? Oh, he’s married? Cool, just asking for a friend.

(Photo by JOE KLAMAR/AFP/GettyImages)

Previously: The Top Five Jewish Guest Stars in Andy Samberg’s SNL Digital Shorts
Andy Samberg Out-Blossoms Former ‘Blossom’ star Mayim Bialik on ‘SNL’

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• Looks like we’re not the only ones excited for the February release of the new Coen Brothers movie, Inside Llewyn Davis. [Flavorwire]

• Is free-associating tour guide and hipster icon ‘Speed’ Levitch the hidden saint of our times? [Tablet]

• Maggie Gyllenhaal will join Michael Fassbender in the upcoming music flick Frank. [THR]

• Move over, DryBar: the celebrity stylist formerly known as Rachel Zoe Rosenzweig is opening several DreamDry blowout spots in New York. [Racked]

• Photographing Zosia Mamet. [The 6th Floor]

• Adam Levine will host Saturday Night Live on January 26. [THR]

Here’s what we’re watching to prepare:

The post Daily Jewce: Adam Levine to Host ‘SNL,’ Rachel Zoe’s NYC Blowout appeared first on Jewcy.

• What a Chabad rabbi class portrait looks like. [NYMag]

• Retiree Philip Roth really loves that iPhone. [NYT]

• Lena Dunham visited Tavi Gevinson’s parents’ house, and our brains exploded. [Twitter]

• Alison Brie makes balloon animals. [The AV Club]

• Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger says she’s a diner girl. [Food and Wine]

• “Sex scandals are like Jewish New Yorkers: eventually they all make their way to Florida,” according to SNL’s Weekend Update. [Hulu]

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While one could argue that all the digital shorts are Jewish due to the heavy involvement of Andy Samberg and his menschy The Lonely Island crew, to tide you over till next season (or at least for the next 20 minutes) here are the top five Jewish digital short guests. While they may not hold a candle to such famed sketches as “Dick in a Box,” “I’m on a Boat,” or even my personal favorite, “Jack Sparrow,” they’re absurdly entertaining.

5. Some strange stuff happens in this trailer/promo/something for a fictional movie starring Paul Rudd and Andy Samberg (there’s some Titanic-style sketching and lots of fake blood). Even if we don’t love, or understand, this short so much, we always love us some Paul Rudd:

4. Pre-Moneyball Jonah Hill starts dating Andy’s dad. Be prepared for some uncomfortable kissing:

3. Natalie Portman has a cameo in the mashup that makes up the 100th short, an ode to her uncharacteristic rap from 2006:

2. There are so many great lines in this Andy Samberg-Adam Levine love song to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, “Iran so Far:”

1. No need to explain the brilliance of this interview with Jewcy favorite Drake:

Still want more Samberg? Here’s the Harvard graduation speech he gave yesterday.

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