This past weekend, Mile End, Tablet Magazine, and ABC Home teamed up to present The Future of Jewish Food, where insiders from across the food industry talked Jews, food, and Jews eating food. Top Chef’s Gail Simmons (who wrote “keep cooking” in my copy of her book!) and Mitchell Davis of the James Beard Foundation (the only acronym that night where the ‘J’ didn’t stand for ‘Jewish’) discussed the future of the Jewish kitchen with food writer Joan Nathan, and then David Sax, author of Save the Deli, probed the future of the Jewish deli with the guys behind uber-trendy new-wave delis like Brooklyn’s Mile End, San Francisco’s Wise Sons, Portland’s Kenny and Zukes, and Saul’s Deli in Berkeley.

The highlight of the event was when Nathan asked her panelists to predict what Jewish food will look like in the year 3000. Simmons assured the crowd, perched on stylish chairs in the ABC Home event space, that there would still be matzoh balls. I like to imagine the ensuing sigh of relief as collective and not just mine.

Check out Tablet’s footage from the event, just be sure to wipe the drool off your computer keyboard after. We fully endorse event MC Alana Newhouse’s endorsement of lox:

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• Designer Donna Karan is set to re-open her London DKNY store.

• Israeli writer Etgar Keret is about to move into the narrowest house in Warsaw.

• The Jewish Museum in New York will show the Jack Goldstein retrospective that was previously canceled at LA’s Museum of Contemporary Art.

• One of the architects of Auschwitz was trained at the Bauhaus, beacon of sophistication.

• Jewcy contributor Adam Lustick is a Casino Virgin:

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• Rachel Figueroa-Levin, of El Bloombito twitter fame, wonders whether to curb her love of bacon and lobster rolls while raising her 15-month old daughter kosher.

• Behold: The Pastrami Dilemma.

• Top Chef judge Gail Simmons likes full sour dill pickles and salt and vinegar chips. We like Gail Simmons.

• Happy National Pig Day!

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“Are you tired of dating and ready to find “The One?” Our Emmy-award winning production company well-known for positive programming is casting a new TV project for marriage-minded Jewish MEN between the ages of 26-40! If you’re interested in finding lifelong love and are open to finding it through the ancient practice of arranged marriage, contact us to find out more! If you live in the LA area, don’t have any kids and are interested to be on our show, please  EMAIL US HERE.  Paid if chosen.”

So good luck dear Jewcy readers. If you get selected by the Magical Elves, don’t forget to read this, and please come back to write about the experience for us and/or give us a couple gold coins from your ensuing fortune.

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It’s pretty standard for the networks to use all their heavy artillery during the Fall/early Winter months, and start throwing their b-team up after the new year.  But the TV battlefield has drastically changed, forcing network to stay on their game year-round.

Here’s why you’ve still reasons to yearn for that couch and put off finishing one of those big Jewish books for another day.

Big Love’s Final Act

For those who’ve never tuned in to Big Love because the premise didn’t seem like enough of a lure, you’ve missed out on one of the best shows on television.  Whether or not polygamy fascinates you, Big Love is worth watching more for the incredibly elaborate and fleshed out world that creators Mark Olsen and Will Scheffer have established within the show.  More interesting than polygamy in Big Love is the corruption that exists within the small splinter religion that most of the show’s characters belong to, corruption that mirrors many real life religious splinter groups.  Also, as we’ve said on Jewcy before, Big Love’s ensemble includes some of the most talented actors working on TV.  In fact, right now there’s only one other TV program that rivals Big Love in that regard, Breaking Bad, which doesn’t begin until July.  The subject TV show finales has been highly scrutinized in recent years, the finale’s of Six Feet Under, The Sopranos and The Wire have all made rather indelible marks, so it will be interesting to see if Big Love manages to do the same.  Lets just hope they find a new theme song/credits sequence or switch back to the old one.

The Return of TV’s New Best Comedy?

When Parks and Recreation began, it was perceived with almost universal ambivalence.  At that point, almost the entire TV watching world had fallen in love with Amy Poehler and Human Giant fans were psyched that Aziz Ansari had a new vehicle.  But the show seemed like a poor spin off of The Office, and for a couple of episodes, it was.  Then, during Parks and Recreation’s Season 1 finale, everything clicked into place and people decided that the show at least deserved a second season.  Ever since, Parks and Recreation has been hitting a no, delivering a pitch perfect season of deadpan comedy while maintaining enough drama for us to care about the characters.  Aziz and Aubrey Plaza have continued to shine outside of the show, which will either help or hinder this next season and now with the addition of Party Down star, Adam Scott to the cast, the show is rife with heavy hitters. If they manage to keep up the momentum, Community will have a rival for TV’s best new comedy.

More Gratuitous Sex!

Ever have that moment where you’re watching a show  and it dawns on you what it is that you’re watching?  For instance, you’re in the middle of an episode of Entourage, watching the gang gorilla step their way into some fancy party and you realize, “This is just one big fantasy for assholes!”

I’d assume that by now, most people have figured out that Californication is exactly like Entourage in that regard, a fantasy, a mode for viewers to live vicariously through the show’s protagonist, only for dads.  Hank Moody with his survived hairline, shades and cool older guy boot shoes, can miraculously have sex with anybody without having to express his desires at all, it’s sort of like dreaming of owning a La-Z-Boy that turns into a toilet.  The show has become a veritable live action version of Maxim Magazine, showcasing every gorgeous young new Hollywood actress — most notably, the unforgettable Madeline Zima. As soon as we see an attractive woman on Californication, we know that she’ll soon be having sex with Hank. There’s got to be a drinking game here.

TV Crack

Generally, reality TV can be characterized as a guilty pleasure, but there is a certain brand of reality TV, a kind that makes no bones about what it is, so self-acceptingly gratuitous and miserable, that it can only be described as TV Crack.  Two of the year’s best batches of TV Crack are still to come.  Jersey Shore: a show that most people hate on principle, but some like because they don’t know any better and a select few enjoy because of it’s almost John Waters over-top-ness, started last night and will keep us warm and tan through months of cold Thursdays to come.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is another of the awful, yet self aware reality shows, but this particular installment is special because of what we know is about to happen.  Camille is one of the housewives who, as the season begins, happens to be married to and completely enveloped by the life of Kelsey Grammar (you remember, tossed salads and scrambled eggs!)  However, in a bit a dramatic irony, we the viewer know that the couple splits during the course of the show, when Camille finds out that her husband has what Tony Soprano would call, a “goumar.”

Perhaps the best example of TV Crack is Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club, a show that puts both The Sopranos and Jerry Springer to shame with its gratuitous violence.  The brainchild of The Read World co creator, Jonathan Murray, this show is so self aware in how blatant it is, how lacking in any kind of theme or redeeming value it is, that it’s unrelentingly brilliant.  Bad Girls Club is merely a bunch of emotionally unstable women in a house, period.  Best of all, during the reunion shows, host Perez Hilton reserves the right to douse the girls with water or Silly String if they get out of line.  Think of it this way, if you’re going to rot your brain, don’t be half-assed about it.

More Excuses to Make a Mess

Top Chef can be either fantastic, or dreck, depending on the season, the theme and the characters/contestants.  This season, Top Chef All Stars gives us chefs who almost won in past seasons of the show, making for some of the hungriest and most talented competitors thus far.  My pick for the show’s winner: Chef Richard Blais.

On the other end of the dial, Chopped continues to flourish as “the cooking show that could.”  The network behind Chopped isn’t quite as big and the challenger and competition isn’t as elaborate, but Chopped manages to put out a show that’s as entertaining, if not more so than Top Chef, by keeping it simple, and by casting interesting and quirky contestants to battle it out.  Just remember, both shows have better kitchens than you do, and people who get paid to clean up the mess.

Lastly, Storage Wars is a new show based on one of the most fascinating recent episodes of This American Life, which followed around people who buy neglected storage units.  It turns out that if you miss three months of rent, they sell your stuff, and there are people who make a hobby out of buying it up.  A lot of them get junk, stuff soaked in urine or gnawed at by rats, but some manage to nab new naked photo’s of Parris Hilton or abandoned cars.  Just remember, if you find your garage packed in a few months with stuff you bought at storage auctions, there’s a show A&E that might help you, it’s called Hoarders.

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Amanda Cohen has created a reputation for herself as a chef defiantly supportive of vegetables.  When she opened her restaurant Dirt Candy (which is certified Kosher) a few years ago, she received just as much attention for her blog, a thoroughly hilarious and opinionated thread on vegetarianism and debunking the myths surrounding it, as for her incredible food.  As the husband of a vegetarian, we dine at a good amount of vegetarian restaurants, Dirt Candy is the only place that left me blown away, and not missing meat at all.

This Sunday at 10PM Amanda will become the first Vegetarian chef to compete on Iron Chef America on The Food Network.  Cohen writes on her blogs, “I thought that if someone was going to be the first vegetarian chef on Iron Chef America, if someone was going to go out there representing vegetarian food, I’d rather it be me than anyone else. Part of that is, of course, my giant ego, but part of it is also the fact that vegetarian food has been chained to the animal rights movement and the health food movement for years, which has let the food mainstream dismiss it. There’s nothing wrong with animal rights or health food, but Dirt Candy is just about food, and it’s about vegetarian food as nothing more than cooking vegetables – no politics, no health claims or virtuous living, just giving vegetables a chance to be treated as seriously as chefs treat pork. It’s a point of view that isn’t seen very often, especially on the Food Network and I wanted my chance to put a different face on vegetarian food.”

Cohen admits that she had some reservations about going on Iron Chef, she didn’t want to be represented as a crappy chef, or be exploited to allow Iron Chef Morimoto and easy win, but when she finally agreed to do it, she became fully committed.  “The only way to deal with Iron Chef is to go big or go home. You either take it really seriously, or you shouldn’t do it at all. So I started closing the restaurant every Tuesday for four weeks so we could practice, knocking out menu after menu in 60 minutes,” Cohen said.

From her play by play on the Dirt Candy Blog, the filming seems to have been an intense experience, 60 minutes of heart pumping cooking action that truly flies by, in a foreign kitchen, completely surrounded by cameras, with producers constantly screaming directions to get the best shot.  Her blog posts make it sound like she might have won, a few months after filming, she admits she was invited to compete in The Next Iron Chef, so maybe she blows Morimoto away.  If you live in NYC they are having a viewing party at Angels and Kings, I personally hope she makes Yids and vegetarians everywhere proud and annihilates Morimoto.

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