Hip Hop has recently laid claim to another unlikely adoptee.  ‘Bartenura Blue’ (as the kids are calling it these days), a long time shabbos table sweetheart, has become a favorite in the hip hop scene.

In the last couple of years, moscato has gained a lot of attention.  It’s been mentioned by Drake, Lil’ Kim and Kanye West, and even makes cameos in Drake’s new-ish video (around the 3:08 mark).  Spotting Bartenura wine in a rap video is like when Debra Messing mentioned Camp Ramah on Will and Grace.  It’s exciting, funny and just seems personal.  How did this happen?  Yids-in-the-know suspect Drake as the taste-maker responsible for this trend.  After all, he was bar-mitzva’d.  But that’s just one theory.

Although the quirky duality of the brand’s market hasn’t received much attention because a) there’s not much overlap between the communities, and b) it’s not exactly newsworthy, it hasn’t gone completely unnoticed by some Jews.  This jewess first came to learn of this adorable oddity when I noticed a Latina friend posted a picture of the bottle on her facebook wall. I earnestly commented, “Jovana, I’m so glad you like kosher wine!”  She responded: “I didn’t even know it was kosher – LMAO!”  It turns out that Bartenura even has its own unofficial facebook fan page.

Is this one big sweet coincidence?  Perhaps not. Bartenura is one of the higher-end brands of moscato, and at about $13 a bottle, that means everyone can enjoy the good life – at the shabbos table or in ‘da club.  Another theory is that younger American palates are accustomed to sweeter drinks, so they are more drawn to Moscato. And the sexy blue bottle doesn’t hurt, neitha.

What does the kosher vintner think of all this unlikely attention? Said David Levy of Royal Wine Corporation, “Bartenura Moscato has been around for about 20 years now, we’re the original premium moscato in a blue bottle.  While we introduced the product as a kosher wine, at the end of the day, we’re glad people outside of the kosher market have discovered this fantastic wine.”

Indeed.  As Lil Wayne said in Drake and DJ Khaled’s recent song, I’m On 1, “Mazel Tov!”

The post Bartenura Blue: The Official Kosher Wine Of Lil’ Wayne And Drake appeared first on Jewcy.

7-Eleven famously offers free slurpees on 7/11, providing a complimentary brain freeze in this summer scorcher.  Frosty, free and kosher?  A shvitzy girl’s dream!  The promotion on the company’s website touted “Free Slurpees – Today Only – While Supplies Last.”  You can imagine some customers’ dismay when they saw this sign on the door!

Although the slurpee machines were still well stocked and churning away, customers at certain locations arrived for their frosty freebie happy hour only to be charged for the slurpees, abruptly told “no free slurpees after 5:00.”  Blaspheme!  One blue aussie maideleh sadly shuffled her way to the slurpee machines in defeat, lamenting “I guess I have to pay for my slurpee tonight.”  Her only recourse: to wait until next year on 7/11, or, as she cleverly pointed out, “go to Australia where they list the month first.” According to our calculations, that’s only 119 days away!

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Nineteen year old Esther Petrack raised controversy and eyebrows this year as a modern-Orthodox contestant on Cycle 15 of America’s Next Top Model.  While criticized by some, we find her fascinating, gorgeous and genuine.  After placing herself in an admittedly precarious environment for an observant girl, she confronted the same issues many young heebs tackle, but in front Tyra Banks.  For that, we crown her America’s Next Jewish Model, and, one of this year’s Big Jewcies.

Esther is spending the year in Israel, eating falafel and tweeting up a storm.  Here’s a list of our favorite tweets from the blossoming model Jewess:

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Dynamic writing duo Dan Gregor and Doug Mand are two funny guys to keep your eyes on … mostly because their stars are rising, but also, because they’re likely to fart on your couch when you’re not looking, only to tweet about it seconds later.  The pair just completed their first season as part of the prestigious and talented writing team for How I Met Your Mother, where they wrote the much-anticipated episode where [spoiler alert!] Neil Patrick Harris’s charachter meets his estranged dad.  When Gregor and Mand are not writing or farting, they’re coming up with ridiculous stuff like this:

And, thankfully, talking to Jewcy contributors:

How did you two knuckleheads meet?

At NYU we started a sketch group with a handful of other very talented people called Hammerkatz, that got picked up at the Upright Citizens Brigade theater while we were still in college.

When did you realize you had chemistry?

We were in one of the most incoherent sitcom writing classes ever; the teacher would only let us study I Love Lucy episodes or come up with spec sitcom ideas for Alicia Keyes. No joke. We bonded over ridiculing the class.

Are your girlfriends jealous of your relationship?

Between brokeass work travel and shitty college festivals we’ve spent more nights together than with our girlfriends.

What is it like writing for HIMYM?

It’s a dream come true. We work with some of the most talented, sweet, kind funny people we’ve ever known, and they’ve really made us feel at home. Also the PA’s get us whatever weird obscure snacks we ask for!

Who is your favorite HIMYM cast member?  Be honest.  I won’t tell anyone.

Kyle MacLachlan as “The Captain,” the guy Ted stole his latest girlfriend from.

You both recently transplanted to LA from NY.  What do you miss most about NY?

We miss just about everything about NYC, and we miss doing it all with a drink in our hand.

What do you miss the least?

Constant summer backsweat and regular subway shit attacks.

How much of your writing is based on actual life experiences?

Even when we’re writing weird action comedy or obscure movie spoofs we always try to figure out who or what from our real lives it relates to so that the emotions feel justified and genuine. Basically, if you are our friend, acquaintance, or just someone we’re staring at for a while on the subway expect us to rip off your life for a joke.

Noted.

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Josh Cohen, Josh Krisher and Asher Fink are the CEO, CFO and COO of The Junkluggers, LLC. The Junkluggers is a junk-removal company that focuses heavily on donations and recycling to keep as much junk out of the landfills as possible.  The business is growing rapidly without compromising its integrity.  These menches make all our mothers proud.

Despite a very-real long-standing Ramah-camps rivalry, these three Ramah Palmer guys sat down with this Ramah Berkshires girl, offering an olive branch and an interview for the sake of common ground: The Big Jewcy.

You three met at Camp Ramah Palmer (eyeroll).  What camp activity do you think best prepared you for junk lugging?

JC: Definitely pre-visiting day nikayon. (Translation: Cleaning time.) Those bunks accumulated an impressive amount of junk over the course of one month.  Plus, we had to make room for all the stuff we were preparing to steal from your bunks on our visit to Ramah Berkshires.

Charming.  Nice Jewish boys in the junk-lugging industry is kind-of perplexing; how did The Junkluggers get its start?

JC: During college, a family friend needed a couch removed from her house, and enlisting my parents’ pick up, I helped her out.  She gave me cash.  A light-bulb went off.

The Junkluggers does a lot of mitzvahs – it donates and recycles tons – literally – keeping lots out of the landfills.  Would it be fair to call Junklugger trucks “mitzvah-mobiles”?  If so, can we graffiti them as such?

JC: We employ really big guys.  We’ll come after you.

Josh Krisher -word on the street is that you’re single.  What kind of girl would you like to lug?

JK: Someone who appreciates my occasional sexy caveman beard.

Josh Cohen – you’ve recently begun calling yourself “Shuki” – the Israeli nickname for Josh.  This reminds me of when our forefather Jacob adopted the alternative name “Israel”.  How are the two stories similar?

JC: I’m reconnecting with my Jewish roots.  Don’t hate.

Asher, you served in the US military before becoming the COO of The Junkluggers.  How do those army skills serve you in this capacity?

AF: I was surprised to find that many of the same skills apply – leadership, small and large scale operations, sometimes dirty jobs, big picture thinking, and team work.  I love the challenge of it.

JC: We actually love working with army vets because of those skills, and are always looking for new luggers with military experience.  If you know one – send them our way!

Nu? Are the Junkluggers going to take over the world?

One lug at a time.

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Rachel Bloom became every sci-fi enthusiast’s wet dream this year when her nerd-fetish video F*ck Me Ray Bradbury went viral. (Warning – it’s amazing, but it’ll be stuck in your head all day.) It went so far that Ray Bradbury himself actually got wind of it, and hosted her in his home for lunch. She was recently hired as a writer on Jonah Hill’s new animated sitcom due out soon, making her the youngest and only female writer on staff.

Her latest video, “I Steal Pets,” will leave you in tears.

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Adam founded an amazing non-profit called Pencils of Promise – which has a unique structure that allows for even small-scale donation and involvement.  They have broken ground on 39 schools around the world in just 2.5 years, and are one of the fastest growing nonprofits in the country. Aditionally, one dollar of every Justin Bieber ticket sale recently went to this cause.

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Simmy Kay (known by summer camp attenders and lox-eaters as Simmy Kustanowitz) has spent the last decade simultaneously building impressive writing and acting resumes.  Most recently, you may recognize him as the guy nudging the blue m&m in a national commercial, and before that, as the adorably pouty cloud in the Jimmy Dean commercials.  Look familiar?  Yeah, he’s on VH1, too.  Behind the scenes, his recent projects include supervising producer of MTV’s Silent Library, as well as the Next Food Network Star’s after show.  Most importantly, though, he’s the nicest, funniest guy you’ll ever meet.

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If your mother descends upon chometz in your house like a one-woman swarm of locusts (8th plague reference!), then you know it’s wise to decline her dinner invitation the week before Passover.  I mean, you can’t blame the woman.  She wants to rid her pantry of all breadthings forbidden on Passover, but without wasting food.  So she thinks it’s okay to serve you pasta tossed with breadcrumbs with a freezer-burnt hot dog bun and a side of green jello.  Her heart’s in the right place, but your digestive track won’t be if you comply. You can try and reason with her.  For example, you can suggest using Allrecipes.com’s new handy tool that allows you to menu plan based on what you have in your pantry.  If that doesn’t work, perhaps a cautionary tale will:

T’was the week before Passover, and Haley was excited that her mom packed her up a whole duffle’s worth of homemade frozen food for her to bring back to college with her.  Likewise, her mom was excited to free up some of her freezer space for Passover.

When Haley got back to Boston already missing home, she decided to heat up her mom’s chicken soup. She put it in a pot to defrost over a low flame. Slowly, her apartment began to smell like fish. Fishy fish.  She and her roommates sniffed around, and found it was coming from the pot. Haley tasted the clear liquid. She gagged. It was not chicken soup – not even close.

Her mom gave her last Passover’s extra gefilte fish jelly.  Gefilte fish jelly!  Frozen, it looked like chicken soup.  Her apartment never smelled the same again.

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According to John Galliano (pictured above), yes.  John Galliano, of Dior Fame, was recently videotaped in Paris proclaiming his love for Hitler.  This video undeniably captures him stating “I love Hitler” as matter-of-factly as he might declare his love of hats.  He goes on to tell the patrons at the next table that “People like you would be dead. Your mothers, your forefathers, would all be f****** gassed.”  Galliano was arrested after making the anti-semitic comments, then taken to the police station for a sobriety test – which he failed.  Notably, in France one may be sanctioned for expressing anti-semitic remarks.

Dior is wasting no time distancing itself from the anti-semitic designer: “Pending the results of the inquiry, Christian Dior has suspended John Galliano from his responsibilities,” announced the fashion house in a recent statement.

This videotape is as serious as it is shocking.  For all the fashion-puns I would love to enlist here, none seem appropriate in light of this all-too-real window into the undercurrent of anti-semitism that may not be fashionable, but is still very much alive.

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