Good morning, world! It’s obligatory Jewish Celebrity Baby Post Time!

In case you missed it, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher had a baby girl on Wednesday. (TMZ conducted some ground-breaking investigative journalism and deduced the baby’s pic from Kutcher’s cute but evasive line-up.) They named her Wyatt Isabelle, so she’s got her bases covered should she decide to become a cowboy in the wilds of Iowa or a character in a Y.A. novel about private schoolgirls on the Upper East Side.

According to the ever-reliable Daily Mail, they’ll be raising the baby Jewish. Kunis is of Ukrainian-Jewish stock, and Kutcher dabbled in Kabbalah when he was married to Demi Moore, so he’s practically one of the tribe. Sorta.

Mazal tov, guys!

(Image: Robyn Beck/Getty)

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Mila Kunis is pregnant! Which means—as many Hollywood observers have astutely noted—Ashton Kutcher is going to be a father! Not since ScarJo’s pregnancy reveal three weeks ago has a celebrity baby generated so much excitement.

The newly engaged couple haven’t actually confirmed the news (wouldn’t it be funny if this was just a giant scam perpetuated by e-online, the Facebook trending bar, and our insatiable appetite for celebrity gossip? YES), but in the meantime, it’s fun to speculate about the ridiculously beautiful and funny child they might bring into the world.

Congrats!

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Vulture has unearthed the high school yearbook photos of dozens of celebrities, confirming that no matter how famous someone ends up, they probably had an awkward phase growing up. Not even the most glam of celebrities can escape the pitfalls of adolescence, and now you can gawk at the former gawkiness of endlessly photoshopped stars. (Though the picture of fresh-faced Lindsay Lohan just makes us sad.)

From the embarrassingly time-stamped (we’re looking at you, Anthony Weiner) to the suspiciously different-looking, not even your favorite Jewish celebrities are safe from class photo embarrassment.

Mark Zuckerberg Jesse Eisenberg had not yet perfected his perpetually-in-high-school look, but it’s not for lack of trying. Paul Rudd, apparently, was always Paul Rudd. Mila Kunis rocked the curly half-pony even after her Lisa Frank days (not pictured: Ashton Kutcher). Natalie Portman, however, takes the cake with her studious pre-Harvard look and Long Island-straight hair.

See the rest of the images here.

(Images via Vulture)

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• Jewish inmates in Florida prisons will finally get their kosher food. [JTA]

• The original Girls were from the 1920s, and their moms worried about them marrying Jewish men. [New Yorker]

• Speaking of Girls, how about the time Zosia Mamet got ‘Lewis and Clarked’ in a hotel room by a guy who tried to make Mamet’s Mitt Romney-loving dad pay for. [NYT]

• From the department of relationships we don’t support: Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher might be house hunting in Chicago. [HuffPo]

• Jewcy favorite Andy Samberg will star in a new show on Fox about New York City detectives. [THR]

• Homeland’s Mandy Patinkin got a nice shout out during Amy Poehler and Tina Fey’s highly entertaining opening monologue at last night’s Golden Globe awards:

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• Blah, blah, blah: Mila and Ashton is really happening.

• The New York Post sent a gift basket to Ahmadinejad, in town for the U.N. General Assembly. The contents? “Gold’s Borscht, Manischewitz Gefilte Fish, H&H bagels, onion bialys and Zabar’s cream cheese.”

• Natalie Portman is blonde now.

• Israel didn’t make it to the World Baseball Classic, which means we won’t see Kevin Youkilis playing for the Holy Land after all.

• The Broke Girl’s Guide to Living Like Clueless’ Cher Horowitz, courtesy of Hello Giggles.

• Homeland won big at the Emmy’s last night, and Claire Danes stole the show with the most amazing line ever: “Mandy Patinkin, holla.”

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• Madonna has edited the video shown during her concert, which now shows an image of French National Front leader Marine Le Pen with a question mark on her face instead of a swastika.

• Twister Sister’s Dee Snider asked Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan to stop using his song, ‘We’re Not Gonna Take It.’

• Who woulda thought: Seth Rogen was “squeamish” about his on-screen masturbation scene in For a Good Time, Call.

• Ebay sale of the day: Navajo Moose pendant, or Chai necklace?

• David Mamet (father of Zosia, duh) is bringing Have Gun—Will Travel to CBS.

• Nooooooo:

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• The Times reveals New York City’s best bialys, pastrami, and rye.

• In what sounds like a worse version of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are vacationing in Bali.

• The Big Bang Theory’s Mayim Bialik discusses walking the red carpet on Tisha B’Av.

• Spotted: Bar Refaeli and Shaun White in the stands watching swimmer Michael Phelps compete.

• According to Fran Lebowitz, “a toll-taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer.”

• While on Andy Cohen’s late-night Bravo talk show, Joan Rivers says “even as a Jew” she wouldn’t wear Princess Diana’s wedding ring:

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Here were the highlights from the episode, which may as well have been called ‘The Time Drake Didn’t Get to Meet the Vice President:’

• Drake thinks he’s going to a meeting with Joe Biden (though presumably not to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage).

• Kutcher references Drake’s hypothetical Canadian tears.

• Drake says his mom will be happy to hear that the (fake) Secret Service likes his music.

• “That was my first earthquake ever.” Classic Drake.

• Jewcy contributor Adam Lustick plays an angry guy who ends up tazing his pregnant wife.

• He seems geniunely disappointed that he won’t get to meet Biden (especially because he already told his mom, aw).

(Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

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“Ashton was touching Mila’s hand and Mila was all dressed up,” a source tells the site. “She looked hot; this was definitely more than a dinner between friends — this was a full-on date!”

Kunis recently starred in Friends with Benefits with Justin Timerberlake, while Kutcher starred opposite Natalie Portman in the confusingly similar flick, No Strings Attached (former N’Syncer Timberlake was notably not in the one called No Strings Attached).

If things go well, do you think the Kaballah-loving Kutcher might convert? Too soon?

(photo credit: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images)

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