You know someone like him, this man-child, this feverish spouter of a thousand hare-brained schemes. He’s electric in all the wrong ways, projecting so much manic energy that he must have spent his childhood zapped on Pixy Sticks, which he only exchanged a few years ago for some off-brand Ritalin that he keeps in a bedazzled change purse. There was one of him at your high school, or summer camp, or on your Birthright trip, where a shitty trucker hat sat deliberately askew on his head and every statement, every mind-numbing boast and useless demonstration of ability, led to mass eye-rolling. Now, he drives a pre-owned Acura Legend and secretly works at Lady Foot Locker, but he aspires to so much more. You also know him as Jean-Ralphio Saperstein (Ben Schwartz) on Parks and Recreation, the distilled concentrate of every status-obsessed male JAP with dollar signs in his eyes, who thinks that club owner is a calling of the highest order and that he’s one lucky roll away from sitting courtside with Jay-Z and Beyoncé.

The occasional sidekick (and, naturally, business partner) of the slightly more composed Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari), Jean-Ralphio has the approximate physique and metabolism of a pogo stick. He performs the most Krameresque entry into scenes since Kramer himself, except Jean-Ralphio filigrees his performances with absurdist raps. With his wild mop of thick black hair and his tendency to arrive unwelcome and in media res, he’s indeed part of the Kramer lineage, albeit filtered through the Jock Jams catalog.

Jean-Ralphio began as Tom’s brother-in-arms—or more accurately, his hype man—with the two collaborating on a near-toxic designer alcohol and, later, on an outlandishly extravagant production company called Entertainment 720. The particulars of these ventures don’t matter: they are ensured of their eventual, usually swift, failure. They are foolish plans, but they always have a brief, illusory moment of coruscating success, when the alcohol is flowing and the money is too—albeit, away from them—and it seems they must be on the cusp of something great. Of course, they aren’t, and they only aspire to the most superficial kind of success, to be rich and famous, surrounded by photoshopped women, their mansions loaded with garish designer clothing, men’s grooming products, and piles of Asian electronics. They have seen too many ’90s hip-hop music videos to have any other dreams.

My favorite Jean-Ralphio idea is one of his most fleeting. The “Li’l Sebastian” episode cold opens with Tom and Jean-Ralphio sitting in an office, throwing business ideas back and forth. (We later learn that Jean-Ralphio got a nice cash settlement from being run over by a Lexus. “I made my money the old fashioned way,” he says. He’s enormously proud.) Jean-Ralphio leans back confidently, as if he finally has hit upon the big one. He says:

This is for certain, okay? I create a game show … two people on stage, right? They flip a coin; one of them has to perform open-heart surgery, the other one has to receive open heart surgery. We call it: “Open Heart Surgery.”

All jokes lose something in the retelling, but this has all the Jean-Ralphio hallmarks: showbiz, a gauche manipulation of customers, a core idea that goes beyond impractical into the truly fantastical. Best is the look on his face when he tells it—his raised eyebrows and bugged-out eyes, his hands already arranging the contestants before him, all of it reflecting the absolute conviction that this is a great idea, this is the thing that’ll make them. For those few seconds, he believes it totally.

And with the same gale-force speed with which it appeared, it’s gone. Tom counters with a plan to buy G4 jets (“already interested,” Jean-Ralphio says), take the wheels off (“get ’em off of there”), and let people live inside. That too gives way, until they settle on Entertainment 720—which proves to be their most costly failure, wiping out Jean-Ralphio’s settlement from the car accident.

Failure is Jean-Ralphio’s metier. In many ways, he is a classic schlemiel, a bumbler who can’t do anything right. And he is undeniably a boor. But his outlandish behavior is coupled with an apple-cheeked earnestness that makes me wonder if he’s something of a holy fool. In the Christian tradition, a holy fool gives up everything to serve Jesus; he also acts insane, a deliberate put-on that conceals an inner perfection, for he has achieved the ascetic ideal. The Jewish Jean-Ralphio sacrifices everything to serve a different god: capitalism. His insanity conceals the ultimate uselessness of his sacrifice, which makes him an ironic figure—as every schlemiel is—but, strangely, also a blessed one.

Parks and Recreation is a sitcom, but it tends, like its progenitor, The Office, to braid its humor with heart and plot, the result being that characters must submit to pesky concepts like personal growth and self-examination. Tom Haverford eventually realized that, in order to reach his potential as a businessman, he had to cast off the ludicrously irresponsible Jean-Ralphio. The brotherhood fractured, and we’ve seen little of Jean-Ralphio in the latest season. (Schwartz is also busy playing an aggressive corporate management consultant on Showtime’s House of Lies. There’s some kinship between those two characters.)

This is all for the worse. Jean-Ralphio belongs on Parks and Rec not only because he’s a sheer joy to watch—Schwartz is a marvelously physical actor—but also because he’s a pure instantiation of the show’s original satiric impulse. He exists to make us lampoon everything he represents: love of money, social cachet, consumerism, all those high school-level desires that tend to stick around and become more amplified precisely when we’re supposed to age out of them. Without Jean-Ralphio, and with Tom neutered, Parks and Rec’s antic energy has been tamped down. The jokes are still solid, there are love stories to root for, but this is what it’s like when a show enters middle age. It leaves behind the mad energy of youth.

Previously on Network Jews:

Shoshanna, the scene-stealing afterthought on Girls.

Ruxin, the fantasy football-obsessed jerk on The League.

Tommy Pickles, the heroic cartoon baby on Rugrats.

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• Move over Jason Schwartzman, Jenny Slate is heading to Parks and Recreation as Jean-Ralphio’s twin sister, Mona Lisa Saperstein. [EW]

• Rachel Shukert counts down 10 things we loved about 2012. [Tablet]

• Judd Apatow interviews celebrated spiritual teacher Ram Dass over Skype. [GQ]

• Why are Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler’s latest movie characters not Jewish even though they’re so, so Jewish? [Hollywood Reporter]

• Relatedly, we really hope this a very bad photo and not what Babs looks like these days. [LA Times]

• Who’s on first? Jerry Seinfeld has a guess:

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• Mark Zuckerberg donated $500 million to a Silicon Valley education and health initiative. [Newser]

• Bored to Death’s Jason Schwartzman is heading to Parks and Recreation. [HuffPo]

• We dare you to not read this Scroll post called ‘Homeland Is Obviously Anti-Semitic.’ [Tablet]

• Ramaz alum Natasha Lyonne has a new sitcom in the works loosely based on her post-rehab life. [Vulture]

• BuzzFeed’s most WTF celeb photo of 2012? Lena Dunham, pantsless at a premiere. [BuzzFeed]

• There’s Alison Brie again, rapping and being awesome. [Vulture]

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According to Page Six:

A source tells the magazine that Drake, whose given name is Aubrey Graham, met Jones at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year and that the two have been quietly dating ever since.

“She wants them to go public, but he’s reluctant,” the source says, despite their reps saying they are just friends.

The article also links Drake to Tyra Banks, but we’re having a hard time buying that the pair, eating frozen yogurt at Disneyland—where the supermodel was “uncharacteristically dressed down in jeans and a grey T-shirt, with very little makeup”—were really on a date. Disneyland? Drake has so much more game than that.

If (fingers crossed) this Drake/Rashida thing is real, what will we call them? Drashida? More important—what will we name their hypothetical future Jewish babies?

Previously:
It’s Drake’s re-Bar Mitzvah, and You’re Invited!
Rashida Jones Skillfully Describes How Mel Gibson Feels About Jews

(Photo credits, from left: Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images; David Livingston/Getty Images)

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• Israeli typographer Oded Ezer transforms well-known logos for companies like Disney and Pinterest into Hebrew.

• Ben Schwartz, who plays Parks and Recreation’s resident creep Jean Ralphio, wrote some fake horoscopes for Elle Canada.

• Deal or No Deal host Howie Mandel is set to host White Elephant, a game show based on a popular gift-swapping tradition. We prefer Secret Santa.

• It’s a total Clueless reunion on last night’s episode of Suburgatory.

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Jones, the daughter of Quincy Jones and Peggy Lipton, confirmed that she is completely awesome in real life by giving spot-on descriptions (of Bill O’Reilly: “He went crazy live on Fox News, he was like ‘Live! I want to do it live! I’m gonna do it live!’”) which Slattery quickly identified. When a picture of Mel Gibson popped up, she shouted “He hates Jews! And he’s hateful and angry!” then added, “He said horrible things to his girlfriend. He’s Australian. His dad hates Jews!”

Seriously, can we be friends?

(photo credit: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)

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Two weeks in, it appears that along with the departure of Steve Carell, the most exciting narrative of the NBC Thursday Spring season will be the epic battle each week between Parks & Recreation and Community for funniest show on television. Last night, P&R won by showing how hilarious it is to have Ron Swanson giddy as a school child, Andy run into a car, and many of the rest of the cast flu-ridden (leading Leslie to ask the night’s most resonate question, “Was I wearing a tiara when I came in here? Because if you happen upon it, will you have Lady Pennyface retrieve it and send it post hence?”).

Last night, the story might be that Perfect Couples was better than 30 Rock.  It feels as crazy to write as it probably does to read, but Perfect Couples was simply a more enjoyable 30 minutes of situationally comedic television.  We have undoubtedly loved 30 Rock for all of its six season but six seasons is still a long time and sometimes you have an episode that plainly is meh.

After two episodes, Perfect Couples is not as easily dismissed as it first appeared.  The premise – focusing each episode on a theme of marriage and having it play out differently over three different types of couples – has proven fertile for both necessary conflict and comedy.  In this way it is most reminiscent of Modern Family in that instead of avoiding clichés it embraces them in earnest and tries to put its own spin on it.  Perfect Couples stands as the one in show in this lineup that’s not trying to reinvent the wheel.

That is not to say Perfect Couples lacks ambition; it has shown itself to be packed with some bold flourishes.  With its quick cuts and frenzied score, it is easily the most frantically paced show of the night, which has successfully heightened the show’s farcical underpinning.  What has been really fun is that the stories are not told completely linearly; they use 30 Rockian cutaways not for absurdist diversions but to offer glimpses at where these couples started out and foreshadow future plot developments (like a not at all depressing Blue Valentine).  In last night’s episode, for example, this device was used to great effect to tell the surprising and ridiculous story of how Rex proposed to Leigh.

Not that the show is without kinks. Fundamentally, the writing and acting is grotesquely uneven.  There are three couples – the normal one, the crazy one (as Vance put it, “I’m big, she drinks from a jar, I really think this can work”), and the one that for some reason features Olivia Munn – yet they all do not contribute equally to the laugh creation.  The crazy one brings a lion’s share of the funny, the normal one operates as the necessary straight men, and the last one mostly exists as graveyard of failed punch lines.  As is often the case with young shows, the scripts were likely written before the cast was set, so one would hope that with time the characters will really start reflecting the actor’s voices.  If it gets enough episodes for this happen, Perfect Couples will grow into a decidedly good TV show.

Will it ever be one of the greats?  Probably not, but if <s>Kabletown’s</s> Comcast’s NBC decides to stick with this three-hour comedy racket, it might come to offer a nice relief from the high-wire cleverness of its line-up mates.  Meaning that Perfect Couples might be one of the best shows of any given night, but likely not operate at Parks and Recreation and Community’s current level.

So as the night’s winner, here is a clip from last nights Parks & Recreation

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It’s pretty standard for the networks to use all their heavy artillery during the Fall/early Winter months, and start throwing their b-team up after the new year.  But the TV battlefield has drastically changed, forcing network to stay on their game year-round.

Here’s why you’ve still reasons to yearn for that couch and put off finishing one of those big Jewish books for another day.

Big Love’s Final Act

For those who’ve never tuned in to Big Love because the premise didn’t seem like enough of a lure, you’ve missed out on one of the best shows on television.  Whether or not polygamy fascinates you, Big Love is worth watching more for the incredibly elaborate and fleshed out world that creators Mark Olsen and Will Scheffer have established within the show.  More interesting than polygamy in Big Love is the corruption that exists within the small splinter religion that most of the show’s characters belong to, corruption that mirrors many real life religious splinter groups.  Also, as we’ve said on Jewcy before, Big Love’s ensemble includes some of the most talented actors working on TV.  In fact, right now there’s only one other TV program that rivals Big Love in that regard, Breaking Bad, which doesn’t begin until July.  The subject TV show finales has been highly scrutinized in recent years, the finale’s of Six Feet Under, The Sopranos and The Wire have all made rather indelible marks, so it will be interesting to see if Big Love manages to do the same.  Lets just hope they find a new theme song/credits sequence or switch back to the old one.

The Return of TV’s New Best Comedy?

When Parks and Recreation began, it was perceived with almost universal ambivalence.  At that point, almost the entire TV watching world had fallen in love with Amy Poehler and Human Giant fans were psyched that Aziz Ansari had a new vehicle.  But the show seemed like a poor spin off of The Office, and for a couple of episodes, it was.  Then, during Parks and Recreation’s Season 1 finale, everything clicked into place and people decided that the show at least deserved a second season.  Ever since, Parks and Recreation has been hitting a no, delivering a pitch perfect season of deadpan comedy while maintaining enough drama for us to care about the characters.  Aziz and Aubrey Plaza have continued to shine outside of the show, which will either help or hinder this next season and now with the addition of Party Down star, Adam Scott to the cast, the show is rife with heavy hitters. If they manage to keep up the momentum, Community will have a rival for TV’s best new comedy.

More Gratuitous Sex!

Ever have that moment where you’re watching a show  and it dawns on you what it is that you’re watching?  For instance, you’re in the middle of an episode of Entourage, watching the gang gorilla step their way into some fancy party and you realize, “This is just one big fantasy for assholes!”

I’d assume that by now, most people have figured out that Californication is exactly like Entourage in that regard, a fantasy, a mode for viewers to live vicariously through the show’s protagonist, only for dads.  Hank Moody with his survived hairline, shades and cool older guy boot shoes, can miraculously have sex with anybody without having to express his desires at all, it’s sort of like dreaming of owning a La-Z-Boy that turns into a toilet.  The show has become a veritable live action version of Maxim Magazine, showcasing every gorgeous young new Hollywood actress — most notably, the unforgettable Madeline Zima. As soon as we see an attractive woman on Californication, we know that she’ll soon be having sex with Hank. There’s got to be a drinking game here.

TV Crack

Generally, reality TV can be characterized as a guilty pleasure, but there is a certain brand of reality TV, a kind that makes no bones about what it is, so self-acceptingly gratuitous and miserable, that it can only be described as TV Crack.  Two of the year’s best batches of TV Crack are still to come.  Jersey Shore: a show that most people hate on principle, but some like because they don’t know any better and a select few enjoy because of it’s almost John Waters over-top-ness, started last night and will keep us warm and tan through months of cold Thursdays to come.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is another of the awful, yet self aware reality shows, but this particular installment is special because of what we know is about to happen.  Camille is one of the housewives who, as the season begins, happens to be married to and completely enveloped by the life of Kelsey Grammar (you remember, tossed salads and scrambled eggs!)  However, in a bit a dramatic irony, we the viewer know that the couple splits during the course of the show, when Camille finds out that her husband has what Tony Soprano would call, a “goumar.”

Perhaps the best example of TV Crack is Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club, a show that puts both The Sopranos and Jerry Springer to shame with its gratuitous violence.  The brainchild of The Read World co creator, Jonathan Murray, this show is so self aware in how blatant it is, how lacking in any kind of theme or redeeming value it is, that it’s unrelentingly brilliant.  Bad Girls Club is merely a bunch of emotionally unstable women in a house, period.  Best of all, during the reunion shows, host Perez Hilton reserves the right to douse the girls with water or Silly String if they get out of line.  Think of it this way, if you’re going to rot your brain, don’t be half-assed about it.

More Excuses to Make a Mess

Top Chef can be either fantastic, or dreck, depending on the season, the theme and the characters/contestants.  This season, Top Chef All Stars gives us chefs who almost won in past seasons of the show, making for some of the hungriest and most talented competitors thus far.  My pick for the show’s winner: Chef Richard Blais.

On the other end of the dial, Chopped continues to flourish as “the cooking show that could.”  The network behind Chopped isn’t quite as big and the challenger and competition isn’t as elaborate, but Chopped manages to put out a show that’s as entertaining, if not more so than Top Chef, by keeping it simple, and by casting interesting and quirky contestants to battle it out.  Just remember, both shows have better kitchens than you do, and people who get paid to clean up the mess.

Lastly, Storage Wars is a new show based on one of the most fascinating recent episodes of This American Life, which followed around people who buy neglected storage units.  It turns out that if you miss three months of rent, they sell your stuff, and there are people who make a hobby out of buying it up.  A lot of them get junk, stuff soaked in urine or gnawed at by rats, but some manage to nab new naked photo’s of Parris Hilton or abandoned cars.  Just remember, if you find your garage packed in a few months with stuff you bought at storage auctions, there’s a show A&E that might help you, it’s called Hoarders.

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