You’d think Jeff Goldblum’s shtick would get old by now. But it hasn’t. So if you want to be further delighted by his excitable weirdness, Funny or Die has a new video that stars the Jewish actor: “Cooking With Jeff Goldblum.”

As Goldblum explains to us in the beginning of the video (sitting at a piano for no reason in particular), he doesn’t actually know how to cook, so he recruits another (Jewish) guest to show him the ropes: legendary food critic Jonathan Gold (subject of the documentary City of Gold).

Gold and Goldblum make a great pair as they embark on a journey to make soupe au pistou.

Highlights of the video include Goldblum grocery shopping at Ralph’s (parent company  Kroger co-sponsored the video), finding out what kind of cheese he would be (Swiss), and telling Gold an old Jewish joke.

“I’m not a joke critic,” Gold demures when Goldblum asks for feedback.

Also, is it just us, or is there a shot where the two icons are beating each other with leeks? Could this possibly be a Passover reference (in certain Jewish cultures, seder-goers playfully whip each other with the vegetable)?

Absolutely, this should be a regular series, and not a one-off gag (yes, there was a similar “Cooking with Christopher Walken” way back in 2012, but we demand all Goldblum. All the time.).

But don’t take our word for it. Check out the video for yourself:

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Andy Samberg never stops never stopping, so he’s ready to hit us with another mockumentary in which he is both starring and producing— Tour de Pharmacy.

The short HBO comedy (less than an hour) will take the viewer into the cutthroat world of professional bike racing, as older “cyclists” reminisce about their glory days (the competition in question is back in 1982), which seem to have shades of Pumping Iron mixed with Talladega Nights. A major theme, if the title didn’t tip you off, is performance-enhancement drug jokes, but Lance Armstrong has a cameo, so no hard feelings.

“This is what happens when you train super hard. On the bicycle!” Announces an incredibly ripped gentleman played by John Cena.

The bonkers trailer also has the cyclists straight up stop the race and start fighting one another with their bare hands.

Of course, in typical Lonely Island friends-in-high-places fashion, this film also has every celebrity ever, from J.J. Abrams to Orlando Bloom. Come on; you obviously want to see any movie that has Nathan Fielder, Jeff Goldblum, and Daveed Diggs. (In one trailer, Goldblum wears his best outfit since his appearance in the trailer for the new Thor movies, and Diggs for some reason is milking a cow. K.)

As Goldblum announces in the trailer about the “hundreds of dollars” and “dozens of fans” on the line, “Stakes are medium!”

The film premieres July 8, but in the meantime, watch the trailers over and over again, below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVpRr1-PGgM&feature=youtu.be

Image from Tour de Pharmacy.

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Barbra Streisand spoke to the New York Times this weekend, and while the whole piece is magic, it includes this important factoid:

“It’s Streisand, as in ‘sand on the beach,’ not ‘Strize-and,’ a mispronunciation that has plagued her at least since she first appeared on “The Ed Sullivan Show” in the early 1960s.”

WHAT? Oh God. I’ve been saying it wrong my entire life. So let’s take stock of some other Jewish celebrities, and see how we should pronounce their names:

Idina Menzel: Menzel actually changed the spelling of her last name (from Mentzel) so that people would pronounce it correctly (MenZEL), but the tricky part is her first name: EYE-deena? UH-deena? Well, in a clip with her ex-husband Taye Diggs, he seems to address her as “ID-deena,” backing up all of the intense fan message boards I found while researching this piece (and they say “UH-deena” is fine too).

(Also, insert Adele Dazeem joke here.)

Jeff Goldblum: I recall this clip:

But, for real, it’s pronounced “Goldbloom.”

Ralph Lauren: Sure, his birth name is actually Ralph Lifshitz, but all the same, it’s LOR-en. Not Lor-EN.

Jake (and Maggie!) Gyllenhaal: Dude, just give up with this one:

But really, the G is said softly, like a J.

Elie Wiesel: Elie is said “EL-ee.” Wiesel is said “Vee-ZEL” (But hey, if you want to pronounce the W the American way, just call it a transliteration. It’s a minor sin.)

Leonard Bernstein: The last syllable is said “Stine” (like Jewish horror-writer R. L.). Ditto for Oscar Hammerstein (I or II).

Gal Gadot: She’s not French, for HaShem’s sake, and even Wikipedia will tell you: the vowels in “Gal” and “Gad” are like the A in “father.” The O is in between an English short and long O: Listen to her say her own name here.

Most of all, pronounce the T. DO IT FOR WONDER WOMAN.

Noam Chomsky: Most Jews would say that Noam is two syllables: No-OM (second syllable rhymes with calm). Others (like Wikipedia) say it’s one, like “Gnome.” Chomsky himself says it thusly. Is it one syllable or two? Let’s try another example.

The jury may be out on this one. But he doesn’t seem to be correcting people either way.

(Finally, I’m no celebrity, but let me use this opportunity to publish online that the first A in Gabriela is like the A in “father,” and that Geselowitz is said like there’s an animal in it: “Gazelle-o-witz.”)

And now, go forth and be a pedant when someone mispronounces any of these names!

Image via Flickr

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Jurassic Park enthusiast Aaron Glaser went to see Jurassic Park 3-D (a 3-D remake of the original film) with Kerri Doherty of the web series Geeking Out with Kerri Doherty, and the two sat down to chat about the film afterwards. They talked about dinosaur droppings and whether it’s worth dropping $18 to see it in 3-D. They also talked a lot about Jeff Goldblum’s glistening hairy chest, brought to life in a third dimension.

Jeff Goldblum, after all, is a Jewish hero. On Tablet’s list of 100 Greatest Jewish Films, No. 75 is simply ‘Every Jeff Goldblum Movie Ever.’

Previously on Jewcy: Justifying My Jeff Goldblum Man Crush

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• A still from Annie Hall, in the exact place the scene was filmed. [Vanity Fair]

• Jewcy pal Marc Tracy predicts that thanks to statistician Nate Silver, political statisticians will learn a lot from sports statisticians. [TNR]

• How a Jewish kid from Brooklyn became the godfather of X-rated animation in the 1970s and paved the way for South Park. [Tablet]

• Seth Rogen and Jeff Goldblum will reprise their guest roles on The League. You know, Dirty Randy and Rupert Ruxin. [Hollywood Reporter].

• Big Jewcy Julie Klausner breaks down the New York Magazine approval matrix. [Vulture]

• It’s HERE: the Girls Season 2 trailer. As Shoshanna says, OMFG:

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• Bob Dylan, performed by printer. [Vulture]

• Jeff Goldblum likes those drunk Jeff Goldblum videos. [Daily Beast]

• Abe Lincoln, total mensch. [Tablet]

• An initiative called East Side Jews targets L.A.’s East Side, not Manhattan’s. [Jerusalem Post]

• If Steve Carell and Ryan Gosling had a Jewish love child. [Vulture]

• Billy Crystal tries his hand at bowling. [Funny or Die]

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SCORPIO (OCTOBER 21-NOVEMBER 20): Shaineh shveigen iz shener vi shain reden: Dignified silence is better than dignified speech.

Ancient Hebrews knew Scorpio as Lesath (Lesha), the perverse. The fixed water sign, Scorpio is the most misunderstood of all the signs. A natural detective, you’re the sign of intensity. Ruled by the stinging scorpion and the majestic eagle, Scorpios are capable of the highest highs and lowest lows—this sign has more extremes than any other.

You are a secret force of nature, best known for your seething magnetism, passion, and mystery. At best, you are quick in critical thought, perceptive, and able to sense the moods and thoughts of others. At worst, you are uncompromising and exacting, suspicious, cruel—as stubborn as the other fixed signs but with a vindictiveness that can spell danger.

Magnetic Scorpio is a sign of attachment. Your feelings of attraction and repulsion are pronounced. But make an effort to be more open; at a distance you fool others, close at hand just yourself—Fun vaytn nart men laytn, fun neont zikh aleyn—it will also reduce miscommunications

Saturn will remain in Scorpio until September 19, 2015. During this time, make an effort to relinquish bad habits. The Taurus full moon on October 29 illuminates relationships, reflecting your emotions back to you and helping you realize the root of your passions. Just in time for Halloween, you devils. Your self-awareness shines through with the new moon solar eclipse in your sign on November 13.  After the Mercury retrograde period (November 6-26), and when Neptune turns direct on November 11, you may experience some breakthroughs. 

Famous Scorpio Jews: Mike D, Ad-Rock, Fran Lebowitz, Winona Ryder, Larry King, Rodney Dangerfield, Drake, Isaac Bashevis Singer, Judge Judy, Fanny Brice, Hedy Lamarr, Benjamin Netanyahu, Henry Winkler, Roy Lichtenstein, Carrie Fisher (half-Jewish), Art Garfunkel, Jeff Goldblum, Maggie Gyllenhaal (half-Jewish).

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 21-DECEMBER 20): With your ruling planet Jupiter in retrograde from October 4 to January 30, you may find yourself reminiscing about ghosts from your past. Use this time listen to what your instincts are telling you. The full moon on the 29th encourages you to sit back, relax, and put your feet up already—you deserve it!

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 21-JANUARY 20): The full moon in Taurus, the most sensual of earth signs, urges you to put your work down and go out and play. Your ruling planet, Saturn, is in Scorpio for the next few years, encouraging you to commit to a goal and see it through to the end. Take this with a grain of salt: All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21-FEBRUARY 20): It’s either all or nothing—Oder gor oder gornisht—for you Aquarians. You may be getting cold feet about a current romantic entanglement. Go back to your roots: spending some time with family may offer clues for how you can incorporate romance into your scheme of things.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 21-MARCH 20): Your ruling planet Neptune turns direct on November 11. If you’ve been extra sensitive to the energies around you, you may find some relief when this period of intense inward-looking ends. While you may have to go against your nature and think about the practical, mundane things in life, there are ways to maintain your imagination and optimism throughout.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 20): You Aries have a tendency to put your foot in your mouth. While the headstrong schvitzer (show-off) between your ears may motivate you to achieve your goals, be careful that you don’t work so hard that you burn out. Ambition is a good thing as long as you stay grounded in reality.

TAURUS (APRIL 21- MAY 20): Languorous Tauruses don’t always strike when the iron is hot. Although you have no shortage of dreams, it takes some time for you to bring them to fruition. The full moon in your sign on October 29 cautions you to watch your boundaries with your emotions.

GEMINI (MAY 21- JUNE 20): Mercury turns retrograde from November 6 to 26, frustrating your instincts. That shouldn’t stop you from schmoozing, reading, learning, and doing your Gemini thing. Talk your heart out—Me redt zich oys dos harts—you might not get exactly what you had in mind, but when has that ever stopped you before?

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 20): Ruled as you are by the moon, you are particularly susceptible to full and new moons. While the full moon may create tension for you, remember that every man has a madness of his own—Itlecher mentsh hot zich zein shigoyen. The best way to face the world is head on!

LEO (JULY 21-AUGUST 20): Any sense of limitation you’ve been feeling is reaching its breaking point. Before you succumb to the pressures of reality, take a few moments to breath and assess your state of affairs. You magnetic Leos go straight to the heart of the matter—be true to yourself and go after what you really want. 

VIRGO (AUGUST 21-SEPTEMBER 20): Discerning Virgos may not have a hard time seeing the forest for the trees, but with Mercury moving retrograde most of November, be careful you don’t bore your companions. A critical eye won’t necessary save you from the forces of chaos that descend upon us all from time to time. 

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 21-OCTOBER 20): Venus, your ruling planet, moves into your sign on October 28, neshomeleh (sweetheart). Libra is the sign of partnership, and you’ll find yourself becoming more aware of that special someone. But don’t take this as an excuse to neglect your own personal development—if you got it, flaunt it!

What’s Your Sign?
Jewcy Horoscopes: Lovely, Lawful Libra (September 21-October 20)
Jewcy Horoscopes: Virgo, the Anxious Maiden (August 21-September 20)
Jewcy Horoscopes: Leo, King of the Jungle (July 21 – August 20)

The post Jewcy Horoscopes: Stinging Scorpio (October 21-November 20) appeared first on Jewcy.

• The Islanders are ditching Nassau Coliseum for Jay-Z’s Barclays Center, which was their second choice of residence after Murray Hill.

• Frank Foer explains why his new book, Jewish Jocks: An Unorthodox Hall of Fame, co-edited with Marc Tracy, isn’t the world’s shortest book.

• Judd Apatow will guest-edit Vanity Fair’s April comedy issue.

• In related news, Seth Rogen says that Judd Apatow is no Ben Affleck.

• Josh Lambert agrees with Jewcy columnist Jacob Silverman on the troubling way people keep referencing porn star James Deen’s Jewishness.

• Drunk Jeff Goldblum is back, and this time he’s using PayPal:

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• Jeff Goldblum meditates regularly.

• Barbra Streisand might perform at an Obama fundraiser.

• On charoset: “It’s difficult to make a food that is supposed to resemble mortar look appetizing.”

• Starz’s new show, Magic City, is totally Jewish.

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