In October 2013, four-year-old Sruli Muschel became an internet sensation when a video of him reciting the “You can’t handle the truth” speech from A Few Good Men went viral. (It’s adorable.)

Earlier this week, Sruli, now five, appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live with a hilarious new bit: Matthew McConaughey’s “First rule of Wall Street” schtick from Wolf of Wall Street.

Amazingly (and quite appropriately) Sruli hasn’t seen either of these films. His prodigious memory and flair for acting were discovered accidentally, when his father jokingly taught him to say, “You can’t handle the truth” in response to the prompt “I want the truth!”

“It started out as a goof,” said Ben Muschel over the phone. “But then he asked, ‘What comes next?’ So I did the whole speech, and taught it to him line-by-line. He learned it very quickly. We were amazed.”

Sruli’s mom, Shani Muschel, said their son won’t perform for just anyone, but that he was excited to appear on television and had learned his new lines with ease: “He has a good ear for picking things up.” To wit, Sruli knows the 39 melachot (activities prohibited on Shabbat) off by heart. And his memory for details is just as good as his memory for dialogue—he recently reminded Ben, unprompted, about the distinction between using bar soap and liquid soap on Shabbat.

Herewith the footage of Sruli’s Kimmel cameo. You will be charmed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jF3M66Mj_9g

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Do you know about Celebrities Read Mean Tweets? It’s this thing where Jimmy Kimmel gets celebrities to read mean tweets other people have written about them.

So far there are six episodes online, and they’re all fun and worth watching while you’re procrastinating from filing your taxes/cleaning the toilet/having That Difficult Conversation with your girlfriend. Episode #6 features Matt Damon, George Clooney, Cate Blanchett, and—curiously, at least to me—Bob Balaban. I mean, Bob Balaban! What’s not to love? The fact that he had an uncredited cameo in City Slickers II? That he’s been married to the same woman since 1977? That he’s the author of six kids’ books featuring a bionic dog named McGrowl? (Thanks, Wikipedia.) Why would anyone ever want to tweet anything mean about that adorable, ageless punim?

Also in episode #6: Sarah Silverman reads about someone wanting to pee on her face.

Voilà:

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With Valentines Day right around the corner, Jimmy Kimmel thought he’d give a “boost” to Craigslist Missed Connections.  In her most sultry voice, actress Alison Brie assists Kimmel in reading a list of missed connections to the tune of chic hotel elevator music.

Walmart paint lady, Subway sandwich man, and UPS guy all get a shout out. To all you love birds and single-mingles, Happy Friday.

(Photo by Getty)

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Jimmy Kimmel, filming Jimmy Kimmel Live in Brooklyn this week, asked a very stale question of the borough’s denizens: Hipster or Hasid? He clearly never read the Tumblrs (plural!) Hipster or Hasid—which hasn’t been updated since April 2011, which is like, a million years in hipster time—or Hasid or Hipster.

Kimmel showed the audience pictures of men’s beards, and had them yell out which category they thought the facial hair-bearer belonged to before revealing each man’s identity. While you might have felt like you were having a Jewish Tumblr-induced deja vu, the audience seemed to love it.

Watch for yourself, if only to hear someone say, “I’m not a hipster, I am a Jew. You can check me out on Facebook.”

(Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Previously on Jewcy: Hipsters and Hasids Finally Find Common Ground
The “King Of Fuh” Wants To Play Jimmy Kimmel
World Awaits Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel Sex Tape

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• An Estonian newspaper ran a mock advertisement for a weight loss pill with images of prisoners in a concentration camp. Fail.

• Google glasses, coming at you from…the DVF fashion show?

• Aly Raisman fell during a gymnastics tour, but she’s okay!

THANK YOU so much for all the kind words & support. I’m so thankful that I am OK, just some bruising on my knees and the rest of my legs!

— Alexandra Raisman (@Aly_Raisman) September 10, 2012

• The Red Hot Chili Peppers rocked Tel Aviv, with a shout out to the band’s original guitarist, the Haifa-born Hillel Slovak.

• Joan Nathan wants you to make better brisket.

• Lea Michele, aka Glee’s Rachel Berry, does not like being compared to Screech:

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In what has to be the best late night talk show segment ever, Jimmy Kimmel has celebrities read mean Tweets people have written about them. The latest installment features Snooki, James Van Der Beek, Katy Perry, and our favorite formerly Hasidic reggae artist, Matisyahu.

Watch Matisyahu read what one meanie had to say about him:

(The next tweet, read by the Biebs himself, says “Dear god, give us 2pac back and we’ll give you Justin Bieber”)

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• For his final episode of No Reservations, Anthony Bourdain hit up kosher Brooklyn spot Jay & Lloyd’s Deli.

• A Belated mazel tov to Muhammad Ali’s grandson, Jacob Wertheimer, who was bar mitzvahed in Philadelphia in April (Ali was there!).

• Debra Messing has filed from divorce from husband Daniel Zelman.

• SNL alum Andy Samberg has some helpful advice in the event of a zombie apocalypse:

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