“I’m not stopping until my actual dick goes gold,” raps Lil Dicky, the Jewish comedy-rapper whose first album Professional Rapper and two of its singles have each sold over 500,000 copies. The video for his song “Pillow Talking” has almost 13 million views on YouTube, and he’s started working on a TV show that’s loosely based on his life. It seems like all of the 29 year-old’s dreams have come true. But despite all that he’s accomplished, there’s one thing Dicky has yet to achieve: finding love.

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Jewcy is on a summer residency! To read this piece, and our others for July and August 2017, go to our big sister site, Tablet Magazine!

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Cue “Summer Lovin’” from Grease, because we are having a summer party of ahava!

Guess which obscure Jewish holiday is on the horizon? If you answered Tisha B’Av, you’re wrong! Less than a week after that bummer day, is Tu B’Av, aka Jewish Valentine’s Day.

There are lots of beautiful Tu B’Av historical traditions, like women borrowing white dresses and dancing in vineyards to attract a spouse. In this day and age, we mostly just get awful singles’ parties.

And so, for the second year in a row, Jewcy presents a holiday alternative: Love Bites.

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Jewcy is on a summer residency! To read this piece, and our others for July and August 2017, go to our big sister site, Tablet Magazine!

The post Celebrate Jewish Valentine’s Day with Jewcy appeared first on Jewcy.

Since it’s a Jewish love holiday, why not songs about love (and sex, and relationships) by Jewish artists?  The rule was that at least one songwriter and the vocalist have to be Jewish, (So, Joey Ramone leading the Ramones covering “Baby, I Love You,” by three Jewish songwriters, qualifies).

The result is sort of… bizarre. Jews hold (and have held) a diverse presence in popular music over the last several decades, in pretty much every genre there is.

And so, this playlist has Drake. And Carole King. And Peaches. And Vanessa Carlton. And Neil Diamond. And P!nk. And Lesley Gore. And Matisyahu. And Paula Abdul. And Haim. And Tom Lehrer. And Amy Winehouse. And more.

You can listen below, but just put it on shuffle.  There’s no way to make the order make any sense.

If any of you are bold enough to smooch a partner to this playlist, let us know how that works out for you.

And if you want to hear a bit of this in a room full of other people, we hope to see you at the party tonight!

We give you, AHAVA:

Image credit: Wikimedia

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In case you missed it, this weekend marks the saddest day on the Jewish calendar- Tisha B’Av, the commemoration of the destruction of both Holy Temples, and when lots of other terrible things happened, too (the Jewish expulsion from Spain, Germany entering World War I, just lots of awfulness).  But don’t worry!  In less than a week from now you’re going to be super cheered up— you don’t have a choice.

See, Tisha B’Av literally means the Ninth of Av, though this year we observe it the tenth so that it doesn’t coincide with Shabbat. The 15th of Av, Tu B’Av, is a love holiday that the Mishna asserts ties for the happiest day on the Jewish calendar. So that means that this year in five days after the sorrow of Tisha B’Av, we have to snap all the way to great joy. Mind you, we have three whole weeks of buildup to get into dour spirits before fasting and mourning on Tisha B’Av.

(You’d think Sukkot closely following Yom Kippur would be a similar situation, but actually, according to the rabbis, Yom Kippur is supposed to be the day that ties with Tu B’Av for most joyful, since our sins are, in theory, forgiven. …Sure.)

But these days, the month of Av isn’t even the most dramatic example of emotional whiplash in the Jewish calendar.  In contemporary Israel, their sorrowful Memorial Day turns into their celebration of their independence with no buffer time at all.

So is it easier for people in general (and Jews in particular) to force emotions of sadness or joy? The obvious answer is sad, since, you know, you generally try to avoid that sort of feeling, but you might be surprised.

I tend to be skeptical of pop psychology in the news, but all the same, the Washington Post reported that trying to force yourself to be happy is likely to backfire. As in, constant self-reflection as to your own mental state can make you more neurotic? Yeah, that sounds like some Jews I know.

Furthermore, the article says that it’s healthier to have a relative balance of emotions, so that maybe wallowing a bit on sad holidays like Tisha B’av prime us to shake ourselves out of a funk. (I know by the end of Tisha B’Av I can even be bored of being sad.)

Jews are famously a resilient bunch. Maybe if anyone is primed to knock our emotions back and forth like a tennis ball, it’s us.

In any case, remember, if you need help enjoying Tu B’Av, Jewcy is throwing a wicked awesome party.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYpcFHtxm60

Image credit: Oscar65221 via DeviantArt

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I can’t believe it’s already been five months since I took on Jewcy.  More than that, I can’t believe I’ve only written about Stephen Sondheim twice.

But it’s about time we celebrate Jewcy‘s nerdy return in person: We’re having a party.

Tu B’Av is upon us, from the evening of August 18th to August 19th. If it doesn’t ring a bell, it’s the Jewish romance holiday, when single women would wear white and go out into the vineyards of Jerusalem to dance and attract a spouse.

That’s not what we’re doing. But if you’re in the Brooklyn area, come join us Thursday, August 18th, from 8-10 p.m. as we explore what it is to be Jewish and in love. A group of talented storytellers and comedians will share their tales of love lost, found, and everything in between.

(Get it? Short performances in bites? Love bites? Also, sometimes love is awful? Also a “love bite” is slang for a hickey? Thanks, we’re real proud of that one over here.)

Feel free to wear white as is holiday custom. Or wear black. You do you.

This event is for everyone, regardless of relationship status, not another awful Jewish singles’ event (but if you do find someone, Jewcy is totally taking credit).

Admission is FREE, with a 2-drink minimum.

The venue is Halyards bar, 406 3rd Ave, Brooklyn, New York 11215.

If you have any questions at all, please email Gabriela@Jewcy.com.

You can find the event on Facebook HERE.

Image credit: Wikimedia

The post Jewcy Relaunch Event: Loves Bites! appeared first on Jewcy.

Tu B’Av is upon us. If you don’t know all about the glorious holiday that is Tu B’Av, allow me save you a Google search and spare you from an embarrassing moment in which the nearest hot Israeli man asks you to be his Tu B’Av date, and mistake it for something shawarma-related.

So, apparently, Tu B’Av is one of the lighter Jewish holidays, which is refreshing, because constantly having to celebrate not having been annihilated, can get emotionally exhausting (except for Hanukkah, because I love latkes and have always been a bit of a pyromaniac). Anyway, we celebrate Tu B’Av for numerous reasons, a few being that: (1) God forgave the Jewish people for the sin of the spies, ending a plague (not going to explain what the sin of the spies was because, believe it or not, I’m not a Jewish history teacher or R.I.T., aka rebbetzin in training); (2) guards were removed from the roads leading to Jerusalem, allowing the Jewish people to resume making pilgrimages to Jerusalem; and (3) the ban of not being able to marry outside of one’s tribe was lifted.

Reason #3 was the first real merging of the tribes, which women were happy about since there were some eligible Jewish bachelors with the last names Cohen and Levy that they could now get their paws on. #biblicaltimesgolddigging. And so, the woman went out, “dressed in white, and danced in the vineyards.”
The point is, Tu B’Av has since become a Jewish/Israeli Valentine’s Day of sorts, but it is also a day dedicated to commitment. Oh my god, commitment? OK yes, but DON’T PANIC.

It is universally accepted that committing to anything is scary, the Camel Crush cigarette and the Arnold Palmer beverage being solid evidence to support my claim. Oh, I’m sorry that you can’t commit to a regular cigarette so you need the option of “crushing” your cigarette to turn it into a menthol cigarette halfway. God forbid we should commit to ordering an ice tea, regret it, and wish we ordered the lemonade instead. Well, don’t worry, there’s the Arnold Palmer, a half lemonade/half ice tea drink, to the rescue! Clearly, our society enables not committing to things, and I totally get that. When I first moved to LA, I definitely drove around in a rental car for nine long months because I refused to admit to myself that I wasn’t just visiting. Delusional. The point is that if I would rather drive around in a white Hyundai with manual roll down windows than commit to living in LA, then it makes sense that people would have a difficult time committing to relationships.

For what it’s worth, it seems to me like there are only two miserable paths in pursuit of obtaining a commitment that one can take these days: either be the person in what one of my friends calls a “nonrelationship-relationship;” or be the person whose full-time job is laboring desperately in an attempt to get engaged.

The “nonrelationship-relationship” refers to a relationship where you are probably hanging out with the other person a couple of times a week, maybe sleeping with them, and they may or may not text you when they’re in traffic, on the toilet, or when something borderline-funny happens. Let’s be clear though, in a “nonrelationship-relationship,” you are NOT exclusively dating or officially “boyfriend/girlfriend.” So, in other words, in my humble opinion, the guy is getting all the perks without having to commit to you.

Another thing that sucks about the “nonrelationship-relationship” is that the girl sometimes tricks herself into thinking that because she and this guy are not actually “boyfriend/girlfriend,” she can’t get hurt (or she won’t care that much when it’s over because it was never anything to begin with), but, unfortunately, that’s biggest myth propagated since the rumor that people on Facebook can tell when you’ve looked at their profiles. It just can’t happen. Everyone is always sad and disappointed when their “nonrelationship-relationships” ends, and it takes about as long as a committed relationship to get over, so what’s the point?!

I’m personally way too self-centered for the “nonrelationship-relationship” because I like to be committed to, all day, everyday … and also, told that I’m pretty … often. The “nonrelationship-relationship” turns me into Britney circa 2003 (aka crazytown), so I just don’t do it.

However, I’ve been dangerously close to being in “my full-time job is striving to get engaged” mode. The “full-time jobbers” are committing all over town! They basically end up marrying people they kind of, sort of like because the person sounds good on paper. Essentially, if the guy graduated high school and doesn’t have the Tay Sachs gene, he’s beshert worthy! The “full-time jobber’s” desperation for commitment and security, probably caused by being in one too many “nonrelationship-relationships,” leads to people jumping into lame relationships.

Tu B’Av has gotten me thinking—there has to be a middle ground when it comes to commitment. I think the compromise must consist of only dating people who like you so much that they can’t imagine losing you, so naturally, have to commit to you, but also being fulfilled enough within yourself that you have the confidence to be happily single until that special person does come around. What better day than Tu B’Av to give this a shot? Worst comes to worst, you can always put on a white dress and dance in the vineyards!

(Image via Shutterstock)

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