Dating Blogger Charles: Entry 3

The Way of the Silverback As human beings we are the most complex life forms in existence. As a result, there is an inherent dichotomy in each of us; one which communicates at both our primal biological level as well … Read More

By / September 25, 2006

The Way of the Silverback

As human beings we are the most complex life forms in existence. As a result, there is an inherent dichotomy in each of us; one which communicates at both our primal biological level as well as our unique, if not complex, conscious level. My focus this week is on sex as it applies to our innate human nature and our civilized mental behavior.

The need for sex is present in all life forms and across the board sex a strong impulse that, when triggered, needs to be fulfilled. When an animal is in heat its physiology creates a smell that sends a signal to the other animals: “I am ripe and ready to be hoed and plowed like a field during the harvest.”

As human beings we have a slightly differed nature from animals. Although we too get the drive to have sex for the sake of fulfilling a primal need, most of us also have a consciousness which creates an emotional attachment; something that few other animals experience. So what factor decides which of our instincts is sending a stronger message and what makes us give in to either?

Upon my asking, many of my male friends informed me that when they are “horny” the conscious side of sex goes out the window. When these men want a woman to have sex with, they just want a woman immediately for no strings attached sex. These men are reminiscent of Silverback Gorillas in the jungles of Africa. The leaders of the clans get first pick at the females they want before any of the other males can choose. The head Silverback has been known to ravage females with little regard for monogamy. The feeling I get is that men, as a majority, are just like the head Silverback. They just need to ravage something or else they will combust or implode.

My best male friend has always been the “love ‘em and leave ‘em type,” the head Silverback if you will. The woman he has had sex with each have become a trophy in his mind which often times translates into naked pictures of these women on his phone. He recently informed me that he is tired of sex for the sake of release… he thinks he is ready for a girlfriend. I was shocked to hear this and wondered what happened that completely changed his mentality. This begs the question: what makes a man wake up one day and have the conscious side of sex take precedence over his biological need?

I am unable to explain this phenomenon in scientific terms. However, logically I feel the conclusion can be reached by looking at the facts. One side (perhaps the stronger of the two) of these men (primal sex) is being constantly fulfilled, while the other is being ignored. There must come a point in time when a man realizes that his needed sex is no longer enough, now he needs nurture and fulfillment from relationship. Relationship includes sex, so it is a perfect situation for a man awakened to this new conscious level. Few men have achieved this state of “enlightenment” in sex and they are often times difficult to classify by the naked eye.

I polled women as well. The majority of female friends I spoke to said that while they understood the need of sex for the sake of fulfilling a primal need, they also felt that it was rare and unusual for females to partake in that genre of sex as readily as man would. Men and women appear to be polar opposites when it comes to the mindset of primal vs. civilized sex.

Women become mothers and have a natural responsibility to be not only responsible for themselves but also to make sure there young are adequately cared for. To have sex for the sake of the biological need is less attractive to a woman at a biological level perhaps because she is innately more responsive to being lulled into relationship, which will result in safety and security for both she and her young. Men are predatory by nature, women are nurturing by nature. The conclusion to be drawn from this information is that men are more likely to be driven by animal sex whereas women are more likely to seek out relationships.

Who, then, are the women that my male friends are screwing for fun? Are these women some genetic phenomenon fairly new to the biological hierarchy? How do men know where to find the women who just want to screw?

In an age where women have fought for equal rights, perhaps the backlash is that women have become more like men when it comes to sex. Women have had to prove themselves in the male world by becoming more like males. The effect may be that a woman’s psychology is changing to become more like a man’s: out for the kill. I know many of my readers may find what I am saying to be an offensive and backwards way of thinking; to those people I will respond: I am merely drawing inferences about things that are plainly in front of my eyes.

As usual I relate to both sides. I have gone through my fair share of stages involving unattached sex, where the only purpose is to get laid. On the other hand, I am no longer looking for an emotionally unattached sexual experience as I have learned and grown from prior actions. Those who know me will tell you I am an extremely rare balance of male and female energy, so much so that my life revolves around explaining to my friends what is going on in the minds of the opposite sex. I am a strong advocate for the rights of women but also find myself wondering what falls to the wayside in a world where balance is not necessarily the grail that we are looking for.

I don’t have an answer one way or the other. I know a few things for certain. Men will continue on the all too familiar predatory path, while women as a majority will continue to fill the role of relationship adhesive. Sex as a whole will most likely thrive until the last days of humanity and continue to have countervailing purposes within each gender. I know that I myself am looking to find the person that balances me (balanced as I am) and that settling for sex at a biological level is not something that interests me any longer. Perhaps if we use our minds, over our bodily urges, we will all find the joys of being in relationships that are forwarded in growth by sex. For now I will continue on this journey of questioning what I see and never settling for what is in front of my eyes until it feels right. So catch me if you can.

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