Follow Through Failurexia: Dating Blogger Amy

From: The Jewcy Journal of Psychiatric Illnesses, I Affliction: Follow Through Failurexia (FTF) Description: Affects males, commonly in the New York City metropolitan area who consider themselves key players in the nightlife scene. FTF typically happens in four phases: I. … Read More

By / November 21, 2006

From: The Jewcy Journal of Psychiatric Illnesses, I

Affliction: Follow Through Failurexia (FTF)

Description: Affects males, commonly in the New York City metropolitan area who consider themselves key players in the nightlife scene. FTF typically happens in four phases:

I. Afflicted male asks a woman on a date, i.e. brunch, lunch, dinner, and/or a movie.

II. The woman rejects the offer due to a prior engagement or fatigue and suggests a later date.

III. Afflicted male maintains contact with the woman, commonly through cell phone text messaging and possibly sparse phone calls. During the text messaged conversations, the afflicted male invites the woman out to nightclubs for “parties,” at which he more often than not has:

a) purchased a bottle and table,

b) knows a promoter who will have a bottle and table, or

c) is a promoter with a bottle and table.

IV. The afflicted male fails to ask the woman on a date in the fashion of the first invite, referred to in phase I above.

Cure: none known

Case Studies

Name: Ricardo

Occupation: Nightclub Owner

Age: 29

City of residence: New York

Dateologist evaluation: “I met Ricardo in the Hamptons on a weekend trip. We were at an afterparty at 8 a.m., and my friend and I were making wacky inside jokes in front of him. I could only assume at the time he thought we had escaped from a mental institution based on the crazy things we were saying that only she and I could ever understand. I saw him next at a masquerade party on a Thursday at Pink Elephant. He gave me his mask—it was blue and had these glittery swirly things on it—and specially ordered a bucket of Amstel light for me at his table. I told him to take down my number when we were sitting next to each other on top of the banquette. So he did and I took his down too. The next Monday he started texting me around 5 o’clock as I was leaving work. He wound up suggesting a lunch date—something like: ‘We should do lunch or something sometime.’ I replied ‘Absolutely.’ Then he invited me out to Pink on Thursday, and then I invited myself the following Thursday. Both times he was really super sweet to me and there was some definite eye sex going on. But he hasn’t mentioned an actual date since. And the worst thing? He’s hot and, I’m actually attracted to him…”

Name: Matthew Tall

Occupation: Finance

Age: 28

City of residence: New York

Dateologist Evaluation: “I met Matthew Tall on a Monday night and within half an hour he invited me back to his apartment to do lines. We wound up at Butter with my friend and another finance man, and Matthew Tall wouldn’t leave me alone the whole night. Then I woke up Tuesday around noon and he had sent me a text inviting me to the Waldorf for lunch. Then I found out he was referring to a boring finance business conference thingy he was having. Ummm… Excuse me? You cannot invite someone you like to a boring math, graphs, and charts, men-in-suits conference. Then he took me to the upstairs of Cipriani in SoHo. I hate it up there—so pretentious and boring. Plus, on the inside it looks like a like a log cabin or a tree house or something. Why he didn’t take me to dinner downstairs I don’t know. After that we went to Café Noir ‘cuz he knew I wasn’t having a good time at Cipretentious. And he invites his friend!!! Some weirdo from Kenya or something. As he walks me home, I start to feel an odd attraction to him and I make out with him on my doorstep then send him on his way. He texts me on his walk home and says ‘we’re having dinner tomorrow.’ I didn’t respond because I believe in being elusive at all times. But then, the next night he doesn’t take me out to dinner because he has to study for his CFA or something. He invited me out to lunch and dinner a few more times, all during which I had already made other plans or was working. And now he just invites me to Marquee and stupid shit like that. So I told him the last Friday night he invited me to Marquee where he had a table (sooooo different from when I go out with other people) that if he liked me and if he wanted to see me, he would have to take me on a real date. I would not, I told him explicitly, go to parties with him anymore…”

Name: EVon

Occupation: Nightclub Promoter/Energy Drink Maker

Age: 36

City of Residence: New York

Dateologist Evaluation: “I met EVon when I was 18 and he was 33. It was my first time at the Hudson Hotel bar and I had just moved to New York to go to school a few weeks before. I’m standing in the middle of the practically empty room when I’m accosted by this tall old Jewish man with a really gross droopy face, this really hairy chest and intrusive belly. He insists on buying me a drink and grabs my arm and tells me to ‘come meet his friends.’ So I’m introduced to a group of attractive women and maybe a man or two. So I figure he must be harmless. Then I make sure the girlfriend I had brought with me was introduced to Old Jewman so I wouldn’t have to face this weird shit alone. She gets introduced to the posse and starts socializing. Old Jewman tells me he’s going to a ‘Stuff Magazine party at Pangea.’ Since I was new to the city and had heard of Pangea but hadn’t been there yet I figured I might as well just go. It sounded glamorous to me at the time and what was the harm if this guy was with a bunch of people? So as Old Jewman is telling me he’s a coat designer for Calvin Klein, Arden B., Bebe and lord knows what else (which turned out to be true—I scored six coats off him for free before I quit hanging out with him) I spot Girlfriend talking to an attractive blond man: EVon. From across the room I decided I wanted him, and that I wanted to make out with him later. So I went over to them and started chatting. At Pangea, EVon and I started dancing. Then we started kissing. He took my number down and I stumbled out with Girlfriend. The next day he called me and asked me out to dinner. Now, keep in mind I’m an 18-year-old from Texas who has just moved to New York City and I’m being asked out by someone who I think is 27 (it later was revealed that he had lied and was really 33 at the time). So I said no.

“After that he invited me to parties. I thought they were so cool at the time. Oh, how perceptions change in three years. But he never asked me on a date again even though I kept going out and making out with him. The making out stopped when I found a boyfriend, who I stayed with unhappily for 2.5 years. Toward the end of those 2.5 years I slept with EVon with no regrets. Shortly thereafter, contact between us ceased. And he’s the one guy I still like (albeit inexplicably) above all the others…"

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