Q: Dear Bambi,
I can’t stop thinking about a college instructor! I’m taking my second class with him, and I’m completely smitten. I find myself writing papers on sexy topics for him just to peak his interest, wearing short skirts and practicing my smoldering glances. He doesn’t seem entirely immune, but does seem to be very careful about crossing the line with his female students. Admirable, sure. But I’m totally obsessed! He is at least 20 years older than I am. I don’t have an innate thing for authority figures, but there’s just something about him. He’s brilliant, hilarious, sexy and Jewish. He knows I’m a good student, and not just an evil temptress. I’m graduating soon, and would like to let him know I have the hots for him… but in a way that isn’t creepy or overbearing. I need your help, Bambi!
Smitten in the Midwest
A: In the third chapter of The Ego and the Id, The Ego and the Super-Ego (Ego Ideal), Freud writes,
It is easy to show that the ego ideal answers to everything that is expected of the higher nature of man. As a substitute for a longing for the father, it contains the germ from which all religions have evolved. The self-judgement which declares that the ego falls short of its ideal produces the religious sense of humility to which the believer appeals in his longing. As a child grows up, the role of father is carried on by teachers and others in authority; their injunctions and prohibitions remain powerful in the ego ideal and continue, in the form of conscience, to exercise the moral censorship. The tension between the demands of conscience and the actual performances of the ego is experienced as a sense of guilt. Social feelings rest on identifications with other people, on the basis of having the same ego ideal.
Oh, you are in deep. Looks like your id is in cahoots with your superego–not only are you crushing hard in the subconsh, you are so inclined as to respect the man. And who could blame you? Brilliant, hilarious, sexy, and Jewish. As the femme fatale Jewess, you have found an ubermensch with handsome genes and roots in millenia-old traditions of education and inquiry. You’d probably let his intellect and sense of logic dominate your own ego’s sensibilities, which explains your profound resignation to him. That guilt that is coming over you is the meddling ego that recognizes that you really don’t want to cross the line that could cost Prof his job and you your gold stars.
So what to do? Come the semester’s end, he’s fair game. As far as the University is concerned, his authority over you is null (damn), but chances are you’ll still be hot for teacher. Consider yourselves simply equals with libidos. At this point, ego’s got no biz cockblocking, and your homework assignment will be a persuasive argument that talks his moral censor off the ledge and out of the way. Take a page from LeShaun’s book and tell daddy you’re grown after grades are final (unless your GPA could use the boost). Professional and academic integrity remain in tact, and with all the fantasizing you’ve been doing throughout your academic career, you’ve got the makings for a porno come true. Shep naches.