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Movable Snipe: Perez Hilton Writes in All Caps

Melissa, Speaking of humor, let's move on to our next blog, Perez Hilton, one of the innumerable celebrity blogs devoted to Lindsay Lohan's lack of underwear or Tara Reid's botched plastic surgery. Actually, let's pause a moment to savor the … Read More

By / November 23, 2006

Melissa,

Speaking of humor, let's move on to our next blog, Perez Hilton, one of the innumerable celebrity blogs devoted to Lindsay Lohan's lack of underwear or Tara Reid's botched plastic surgery. Actually, let's pause a moment to savor the irony of following up a discussion of Feministing with a click over to PH. Mmmm, a rich aroma. Is that a Sumatra blend?

If any attitudinal thread runs through PH and its counterparts — Jossip, Hollywood Tuna, and my favorite, I Don't Like You In That Way — it's that the wages of celebrity is death by a thousand embarrassments. There's a real danger of overreach here. IDLYITW has a male (or male-ish) co-anchor named Todd whose day isn't complete unless he's told you about which celebrity tits he endeavors to come all over. Poor Mischa Barton merely fell out of her dress — does she deserve that? At some point, you've simply got to say there's more to the internet than the humiliation of famous people. Like attacking The New Republic or scrolling through MSNBC's Animal Tracks.

But if we must be celebrity-chaste, Lord help me, as Augustine said, but not yet. Let's not overthink this, because Lord knows Perez Hilton doesn't. (Wasn't that the name of the gay kid on My So-Called Life?) PH notes that Bush's daughter Barbara was recently robbed and types, "Barbra Streisand must be laughing her face off and jiggling all her belly fat around!!" LMAO! ROFLCOPTER!!! This is the best this guy can do? I miss IDLYITW already. No wonder PH attracts commenters who say things like, "hes [Bush, that is] not even worth being on perezhilton.com." Doesn't meet your high standards, Farah <3?

Something I've learned over the years is that the surest sign of instability is when a person is unable to control the tone or volume of his or her voice. How much truer is that when applied to typing. PH, trust me. I am trying to help you. One question mark is enough to make your point that Lindsay Lohan is a ditsy addict. Really!!!!!!

Do I have to keep reading this? Melissa, your turn.

[Movable Snipe is a Daily Shvitz feature wherein two writers spend a reading a handful of blogs and offering constructive (or savage) criticism in epistolary form. This week's Snipers: Spencer Ackerman and Melissa Lafsky.]

Spencer

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