I expected to find a line out the door, but when I showed up to the movie theater on that cold December day — instead I got a dozen senior citizens and me who had purchased tickets to see Steven Spielberg’s Munich. That was it. Aside from me, there was nobody who wasn’t eligible for AARP. When the movie ended, all you could hear was a few throats being cleared, an old woman weeping, and a man grumbling that he wanted his money back. The movie was bad, the experience was depressing, but a few months later, I found myself watching the movie two more times on separate occasions.
A few years later, I sat in a similar looking theater, anxiously awaiting the scene where “Bear Jew” caves in a Nazi’s skull with a Louisville Slugger. As Eli Roth swung the bat, I nodded in appreciation of his work. I mouthed along the quote; “Teddy fuckin’ Williams knocks it out of the park! Fenway Park on its feet for Teddy fuckin’ Ballgame! He went yard on that one!” I knew all the words to my favorite scenes, because that was my fourth time paying to see Inglourious Basterds, and to date I’ve seen it nine times. You want to know what sort of human sees a movie nine times in less than five yeas? I’ll tell you who — a guy who really likes films about Jews getting revenge. If there is promise of Jews killing people who have done them wrong, I will probably pay an absurd amount of money to see it the day it comes out, because man do I love watching Nazis and terrorists getting shot.
With all that said, I’m no expert on Jewish revenge films, nor will I come out and say that the recently released X-Men: First Class is the best film to ever come out showcasing characters who are out for Third Reich blood, but damn did I wish Magneto killed more Nazis. In fact I’m going to come out and say that the most recent X-Men film was the greatest comic book film adaptation to ever showcase Nazis dying that I’ve ever seen, and that I will gladly watch it again and again. Offer me free tickets and all the popcorn I can eat to go see the upcoming Captain America film and I’ll laugh in your face, but I will watch young Magneto squeeze the helmets of SS soldiers over and over and over again. Why – because Magneto’s a Jewish character, and Captain America is some WASP jock with a Frisbee, and I love watching Nazis die ten times more if it is at the hands of Hebrews