Jewcy Zeitgeist: 47-Year-Old Virgin Offered Porn Star Status and Mysterious Death of 21 Polo Horses

Here are today’s top stories in no particular order:

• A new report says that two Al-Qaeda prisoners underwent waterboarding by the CIA 266 times in the summer of 2002. Waterboarding has been deemed illegal torture by top members of the Obama administration.

• Famed British mathematician and physicist Stephen Hawking, acclaimed for his work on black holes, has been rushed to the hospital and deemed "very ill" after several weeks of fighting a chest infection. Hawking has ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease.

• 21 polo horses in Florida mysteriously died yesterday just before a tournament. Vets suspect the sudden deaths are a result of a toxin in tainted food, vitamins, or supplements, but it will take weeks to find definitive answers. The horses were all from the same team, so airborne illness has been ruled out, but yesterday’s U.S. Open Polo Championship was still postponed.

• In an odd turn of events, plain and never-been-kissed Susan Boyle, new-found star of "Britain’s Got Talent," has been offered one million dollars to star in her own porn flick. Kick-Ass Films, the Los Angeles-based company offering the payout, wants to show the world the 47-year-old losing her virginity.

• A U.S. Marine has been detained in Boston after being found at Logan Airport with firearms, fuses, and detonators in his checked luggage. He made it from Las Vegas to Boston undetected, but a fluke sent his bags through screening again before his connecting flight. It’s unknown why the firearms were not found during screening in Las Vegas. The TSA is investigating.

• The father of young "Slumdog Millionaire" star Rubina Ali reportedly tried to sell his daughter. He’s denying the allegations, saying that the undercover reporters who were allegedly asked $300,000 for the girl were just "playing games" with him.