To reiterate last week’s observation: Curb watchers either perceive Larry’s character as a neurotic nudnik who’s always stirring up entertaining trouble, or they see Larry as the victim of the kind of circumstance that they themselves grapple with each day.
However, there must be the rare occasion that a person from one side of the fence finds themselves adopting the opposite perspective. Reality can be a meshuggah prospect, up becomes down, black becomes white and boobs becomes interchangeable with balls. So this week we decide who was right in each face off that took place during last night’s episode.
Larry Vs. Self Centered Cryers
I get it, you’re crying. It’s all about you. WAHHHHHH! However, if you and the person consoling you are preventing a line of people from getting into the subway, you must, for a moment, let reality in. Everybody huts, sometimes, which is probably why everybody in that video was stuck in traffic, because some a-hole cryer was too busy balling their eyes out listening to Elliot Smith, to realize that light had turned.
Winner: Larry by a landslide
Larry Vs. Dog Poop
This is something that urban and suburbanites alike to can relate to, dog shit whether on a sidewalk or lawn, sucks when you step on it. In this day and age, as soon as you get a dog, you sign and invisible contract wherein you promise to feel the warm gooey sensation of dog shit in your hand, separated only by a thin plastic bag barrier, for years to come. Dog without bag is incomplete, so ladies and gentlemen please curb your entitlement and pick that shit up. Wear a Power Glove for all I care, just get on it.
Winner: Larry by a mudslide
Larry Vs. Richard Lewis and his new girlfriend
Some of us have been through it before. A close friend starts dating, what Jew-y Neil Strauss and his nerd brigade of “Pick Up Artists” would call “A Hired Gun,”(i.e. a woman who is professionally sexy: a stripper, a burlesque dancer, a porn star, etc.) For a short period of time a few friends of mine started dating porn stars and I must admit, it’s an odd power struggle. You suddenly find yourself able to see your best friend’s girl engaged in the most illicit of circumstances and it takes a great deal of self-discipline not to at least look. Have you ever found yourself drawn to your best friend’s girl, despite all reason and self-flagellation? Imagine, what it would feel like to have 3gb of her on your Passport.
However, in Larry’s case, not letting Richard at least know that he was taking their entire circle of friends to watch his girlfriend air fuck up a storm, was…un-gentlemanly.
Winner: Richard, by a hair.
Larry Vs. The CPU Guy.
Boy am I glad they delved into this burgeoning issue of etiquette in the technological age. If you’re the type to sit in a coffice from time to time, you’ve probably been asked, “Could you watch my computer real quick?” I do it all the time. Now, as the person watching, once you’ve agreed, you’re stuck watching that computer, barring certain time restraints. As the asker, you’re to imply to the watcher some notion of how long you plan to be gone. It seemed that the asker in this interaction failed to do so, and it seemed that he was absent a substantial amount of time. That being the case, Larry fulfilled his half of the bargain and by asking someone else to take over his duties, he even went the extra mile.
Winner: Larry
Before we go, a quick word about Black/Jewish man love. Lorne Michaels supposedly once said that every Jewish man loves at least one black man in his lifetime. For Larry David, Leon is that man and we the viewers are quite fortunate they’ve found each other. Leon, thus far this season has made the show with his brashness, and the intricacies of their relationship were put on display this week (Leon knows Larry’s mother’s maiden name.)
I started thinking, how much better could my life be If I were to find my black soul mate? That’s why I propose a friend finding website so that Jews can find their black other half, and vice versa. I invite anyone interested in invested and building the site to contact me via the email in the mastehead. See you next week.