Manischewitz Screwed Up, Passover’s Gonna Suck

With Passover less than two months away, matzo aficionados are getting psyched to indulge in some serious unleavened products! Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but many of us have come to depend on and even enjoy Passover products like the Manischewitz Tam Tam cracker. Sadly, fans of the beloved Tam Tam may well be denied this Exodus season. In the biggest Passover food setback since the Jews fleeing Egypt before their bread could rise, chosen food company Manischewitz announced today that due to an unforeseen construction delay it will not be producing several of its regular matzo products this year, including Tam Tams, Shmura Matzo, and Yolk Free Egg Matzo. Quality since 1888, my tuchus. After last Passover, Manischewitz began construction on a new, $15 million facility that it expected would be completed in time for normal operation this season. Things did not go according to plan. Upon being asked whether the company expects a decrease in profits because of this situation, Manischewitz V.P. David Rossi replied, “Sometimes you take one step back to take two steps forward.” Sounds like he’s been listening to too much Paula Abdul. Somewhere out there, a Jewish bubbe is saying, “When I was your age, we didn’t have any of this fancy shmancy matzo. We ate regular, no-nonsense matzo that tasted like cardboard, and it was enough, damn it.” Dayenu!