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Shtickball: Dirk Nowitzki: A Giant German Jews Can Love

In the movies, if you saw a 7-foot German dude ambling towards you, you’d probably get the hell out of his sightline before he yelled some harsh syllables in your ear while breaking your kneecap. And although Dirk Nowitzki is quite a large man of German persuasion, Jews can appreciate his totally un-Hitler-like basketball skills (Adolf was a notorious spazzoid) and his quiet demeanor in a league full of ‘me first’ stars. Nowitzki has routinely stepped his game up in the playoffs (check out his playoff stats), and is leading a Mavericks team that steamrolled the defending champion Lakers on their way to the Western Conference Finals. You only have to look at the mercurial Kobe Bryant to see just how great Dirk is. Kobe may have raped a crazy woman, then gone out and douchily bought his wife a giant make up ring. Meanwhile, Dirk had a crazy felon living with him, and bought her a ring just because! Other than basketball, Kobe Bryant has no discernable skills. Gentle giant, on the other hand, loves literature and plays the saxophone! Kobe is pretty much hated by everyone in the league, including most of his teammates. But when it comes to Herr Dirk, does this look like a guy who’d earn a wrath?

Fans have long revered Dirk’s incredible shooting touch and competitive drive, and it’s time we give him official props for the goofy, affable guy that he is. So Jews, embrace the German wunderkind; he will probably hug you back.

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