Joan Rivers: Nose Jobs Are the Key to Peace in the Middle East

Kids, gather ’round for another exciting installment of “War, What is It Good For?” Episode two: Soliciting celebrities’ opinions on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Specifically, Joan Rivers.

Last week, the legendary comedian delivered an impassioned defense of Israel to TMZ, which was gleefully disseminated by supporters and critics of Israel alike. (“Joan Rivers — GOES OFF on Epic Israel/Palestine Rant,” read TMZ’s headline. I was half-hoping firecrackers were going to fly out of her bouffant. Sadly, no dice.)

“Let me just tell you,” Rivers began, planting her feet on the ground outside LAX, where the film crew had accosted her. “If New Jersey were firing rockets into New York, we would wipe them out… You can not throw rockets and not expect people to defend themselves.” She said BBC and CNN “should be ashamed of themselves” for their unbalanced coverage of the conflict, and then, when asked about Selena Gomez’s ‘Pray for Gaza’ Instagram pic, she questioned the 22-year-old singer’s ability to spell the word ‘Palestinian.’

The video clearly struck a chord with TV producers the world over, because Israel’s channel 10 sought Rivers out for a more in-depth interview today. When asked what the country could do to improve its PR campaign—and why celebrities like Gomez and Rihanna were expressing their support for Gaza on social media—she offered the following analysis: “They see pictures of children and they go crazy. I think Israel should start showing pictures of dead puppies, and they’ll go boo hoo.”

The interview concluded with a riff on ‘Gotta Have It, Make It Stop,’ the hot-or-not segment from Rivers’ celebrity style show, Fashion Police.

“I think we should make it [the conflict] stop, and I think I know how to make it stop,” she opined. “I think every Palestinian should get a nose job, because once somebody’s had a nose job, they won’t fight because they’re scared the new nose will get broken. I think we should send over every great Jewish plastic surgeon doctor, fix their noses, and there’ll be peace in the Middle East.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the floor is open to comments. Be my guest.