The Exile
I deliver a box of matzo to the only trailer with a mezuzah nailed to the doorframe. She rents from the trucker and his wife, Rhesa,
on her fixed income in Clintonville, PA, county of Amish and the rural poor, county of non-zoning, of cars in various states of repair on front lawns
and roaming dobermans, of rusted-out tractors and burn piles, where the local politicos always say is a “perfect place for toxic waste,”
backdropped as it is by Interstate 80. Nights, truckers’ beams crisscross her living room and she accuses Rhesa of flashlighting
her privacy to catch the poodles she calls her children at shitting on the carpet. Weak heart, bi-polar, not-yet-forty, boxes
piled from ceiling to floor her fortification, stuffed with bargain-basement garage-sale clothes, books, dishes, tchochkies
she makes her life’s accumulation. And when the rooms fill up with dust and mold she moves them with her dogs and medication.
Across the road the Amish farm. Mornings she watches children in black walk toward the school their parents built, watches late afternoon
their return. And the perennial black buggy and the stocky taut work horses, their muscles shimmering with heat as they furrow their dignity
into the soil, the smallest boy following the father, shoulders wrapped with the leather straps of the plow, up and across and down and across
the rows, the sun’s light slanting across the field, blazing their horizon the color of fire or God’s face on their daily routine of returning back to the world.
Does she wonder if this is how her great-grandparents, also orthodox and curiosities, balanced their lives, bunched together, working their land with their strange rules
and eating habits, their mysterious worship? This is too far away from any public agency. On the first of the month when the check arrives
we take her shopping and on Passover to the synagogue fifty miles away in Butler where she sits off to the side and her lips move.
And only Elijah can distinguish her voice.
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The Shank Bone
Our dog swipes the shank bone from the sedar plate, shakes her muzzle from side to side, takes off through Elijah’s door: this roasted symbol of the sacrificial
lamb we offered in the Temple to remember our exile and commemorate our liberation now clenched in the jaws of this overgrown golden retriever puppy,
this what-we-call-in-Hebrew zeroah, meaning “arm,” meaning how our God outstretched his enormous arm to help his people in our times of aggravation, what
we’re undergoing now, the guests arrived, the table set with plates and wine glasses, Haggadahs and candles, bowl of salt water, bowl of roasted eggs, the charosete—
our laborious mortar—chopped and set beside the bitter herbs, what we will mix in with our dog’s Alpo once we can coerce her to give it up, but she’s clamping
and sloshing it around her drenched tongue as if this were the last bone on earth, as if she understood that this was from the original lamb our High Priest chose
when we all put down our weapons and tools to gather and witness this primordial offering: to assuage our guilt, to accommodate our primitive desires, to draw nearer
to the source, our surrendering—before the destruction and therefore absence of our assigned place so the scholars say we can sacrifice nowhere
until the source returns and now my five-year-old daughter has tackled our dog in the yard and pulls hard at the bone, all of our guests approaching closer in mesmerized silence.
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