In the realms of sex, love and dating, we all need the occasional do-over. Not only are all three arenas fraught with the potential for miscommunication, mistakes, and regret, but they also lead to a lot of self-flagellation—we’re always beating ourselves up about our bedroom faux pas. Mistakenly assumed he was the prototypical Nice Jewish Guy? Pretended condoms were optional? Gotten wasted out of nervousness? Check, check, and check. Rosh Hashanah presents a chance to stop pressing repeat on your inner bad-lay movie reel. Here’s how.
Unleash Your Inner Pervert Persona Often people are reluctant to share their kinkiest fantasies, even to their lovers—the risk of rejection is too high. Not so online, where anonymity reduces the sting and makes it more likely that you’ll find someone into the same things you are. By creating a new temporary persona, you can try on genders, behaviors and kinks that in real life might freak you out. Find a chat room or use Second Life. Slap on a username, channel your sluttiest self, and go wild. You can be the bitch goddess you’ve always dreamed about, attend an orgy, or have sex in public…all from the safety and comfort of your laptop screen. It’s a chance to see how the other half lives and discover hidden desires within you.
Spend money on sex When it comes to sex, we’re notoriously cheap. Somehow, there’s the idea still floating around that good sex is “natural” and that paying for it can only mean prostitution. But by investing, literally, in sex—taking a class, buying a sex toy or a hot outfit, or some lube (guys, it’s way, way better than lotion or Vaseline or whatever else you may be using)— you’re saying that your sexual pleasure is worth a little cash. Check out Babeland, Blowfish, or Good Vibrations for a New Year’s shopping spree.
Get tested now Now that it only takes 20 minutes to find out your HIV status, there’s no excuse not to know. Worrying about whether or not you might be positive is not only bad for your health, it’s sure to impede your libido. If you’ve had unprotected sex, finding out will either ease your mind or allow you to start getting treatment. (The FDA has even approved a home test HIV kit.) Take it from me, having to tell a new partner it’s been a while and hearing them reply with a huffy “Great” makes you feel like the slut to end all sluts. Talk about a buzz kill.
Say “Yep, I’m kinky” The yes/no/maybe list is a staple of the BDSM community, but it’s just as useful for the most vanilla among us. Basically, you make a list of things you like or would like to do, things you’d never want to do, and things you might be into. For me, spanking would be a yes, fire play a no, and bondage a maybe. Writing them down will help you next time you’re in one of those iffy situations; I’ve sworn I won’t have sex on the first date, but actually following through is trickier. The list helps remind you of your values, and stick with what you know is a no.
Rachel Kramer Bussel
Rachel Kramer Bussel is a writer, editor, blogger, reading series host, cupcake enthusiast, and New Yorker. She has edited over a dozen erotic anthologies, most recently Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma'am, Dirty Girls, and Best Sex Writing 2008, and has contributed stories to more than 100 others, including Best American Erotica 2004 and 2006. Rachel has written for publications and websites such as AVN, Bust, Cosmo UK, Curve, Fresh Yarn, Gothamist, Huffington Post, Mediabistro, Memoirville.com, New York Post, Penthouse, Playgirl, Time Out New York and Zink. She hosts and curates In The Flesh Reading Series and wrote the popular Lusty Lady column in The Village Voice. She co-edits the blog Cupcakes Take the Cake. Her first novel, Everything But..., will be published by Bantam.
In her free time, she can be found reading, playing video game (like Q*bert!), attending trivia nights and comedy shows, and working out at CrossfitNYC.
Unleash Your Inner Pervert Persona
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