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All I Want For Christmas Is for You to Shut Up, Mariah

Last night I went to a holiday party at a friend’s house, and at some point the Jewish contingent (all three of us) went out to the backyard to light the hanukiah I had stashed in my purse. I felt a little awkward about the whole thing, but it was a huge relief to be away from Mariah Carey’s Christmas album, which was playing inside. The Yids ended up staying outside for awhile with a couple of delightfully irreverent musicians and the inevitable discussion of sex and what we all wish people knew about sex ensued. I have had some variation of this conversation at every party I’ve attended in the last five years, so I kind of assumed that when I went inside to get more beer and baklava everyone else would be having similar debates, but since the rest of the party was mainly grad students from Vanderbilt’s Divinity school, they were talking about church and the Word. So lame. And Mariah Carey was still playing, which I just couldn’t get over. When I accidentally stepped on a kitten (it’s fine, but trust me when I say there’s no feeling worse than thinking you may have harmed a cute little kitten), and Mariah’s version of “Jesus, Oh What a Wonderful Child” came on, I decided it was time to head home.

Back at my apartment, my (non-Jewish) roommate Kelsey and I made “Holiday Cookies” while watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Hanukkah themed cookie cutters don’t seem to exist in Nashville, so I had bought an alphabet set from Williams-Sonoma which ended up being an excellent decision. We spent a good hour rearranging the letters to spell various amusing and inappropriate words. Before she left to meet her boyfriend Kelsey grabbed one of the cookies and said, “Hanukkah is awesome!” I’m a little worried that she thinks Hanukkah is somehow connected to us spelling SEXY out with cookie letters, but whatever. I’ll take dirty cookie Scrabble over dreidl any day.

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