Is God the Solution to Your Lame Sex Life?

A series of churches have started advertising with billboards that have pictures of naked feet in a bed with the words mylamesexlife.com, or mycrappysexlife.com. When you log on to the sites you get info about programs the churches are running having to do with sex and relationships. The Next Level Church of Fort Myers, Florida, (they of the crappy sex lives) has sermons scheduled for the next few weeks with titles like, “The Best Sex You’ll Ever Have,” “The Truth about Men and Women,” and “Pornography.” Last year, Granger Community Church of Granger, Indiana (they of the lame sex lives), had a five week series they called PureSex, where they tackled topics like, “The Language of Lust” and “What Happens in Vegas WON’T stay in Vegas.” I bet you’re not shocked to hear that these sermons didn’t contain step by step instructions for the hottest new positions and how to find porn. Instead, the discussion apparently centered around the revelation that, “Sex wasn’t invented in a dark alley behind a porn shop. It’s part of God’s design. In fact, this may shock you but God wants you to have great sex.” So how does one have the great sex that God’s been hoping for? According to the pastor at the Granger church, great sex is “rightly ordered sex.” Apparently this means sex that you have once your soul is already in line. So, okay, this is obviously pretty cheesy stuff. But guess how many people came to the first PureSex session? More than 7,000. This was a seventy percent jump from the same weekend the previous year. Not that this is news to anyone, but sex sells. The Granger Church even got a nice little shout out on a site called Church Marketing Sucks that’s dedicated to, well, helping church marketing suck less. I’m sure much of what they preached at these churches would make me roll my eyes in disgust, but I have to say, I wish synagogues were more willing to take risks like this. I mean, it takes some balls to make racy ads for a shul program, but I do think it’d pay off. And especially if it didn’t end up being all, “Abstinence is the answer!” but instead gave some useful and relevant relationship advice…well, that’d be awesome. Megachurch stuff usually terrifies me. I really don’t understand the appeal of it. It seems to me that it’s much nicer to pray with a small group of people who know you and are genuinely interested in you than with seven thousand strangers and a charismatic pastor. But it’s true that bigger congregations reach more people, and they can do the whole niche thing. And frankly, I think the world is in desperate need of all kinds of relationship help, and if megachurches are the first ones to go there, well, Godspeed.