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It’s All Just Sex and Torah

Yesterday night I was talking online with a friend of mine and conversation got pretty awesome. I've redacted his name, but mine is still here. This is what happens when day school graduates grow up …

X says: you're so fucking frum X says: it makes me sick Tamar says: you are the first person ever to say that to me Tamar says: thank you! X says: just talking all day about toire toire toire Tamar says: what else is there to talk about? Tamar says: actually, it goes something like toire sex toire sex toire sex X says: well, everything is actually toire X says: sex is toire Tamar says: depends if it's good sex or not Tamar says: bad sex is not toire X says: bad sex is i'm afraid Tamar says: nuh uh Tamar says: it's like midrash or something Tamar says: not Torah mamish X says: i'll accept that X says: it's definitely misinai though Tamar says:i'm not so sure Tamar says: I’ll have to think about it And then later: Tamar says: good sex=pshita Tamar says: bad sex=remez Tamar says: or is it the other way around? X says: peshita la lerabbanit tamar X says: ipcha mistabra X says: pshat is just sex X says: remez is good sex X says: sod is simultaneous orgasms Tamar says: what's drash? X says:blowjob? Tamar says: you're amazing Tamar says: will you be my rabbi? X says: yeah baby X says: i should write a book X says: The orchard of sex Tamar says:i'd buy it Tamar says: there would be commentary and stuff on the sides Tamar says: and diagrams X says:you could talk down to your audience X says:just like other artscroll books X says: you'd love it Tamar says: bend at the knees and then bow until you see the labia X says: remember that with frum girls, the more you mumble during sex the better. she'll know you're talking to god Tamar says:When you reach simultaneous orgasm say, "Oh Gee dash dee!" Tamar says: or maybe, "Amen!" X says: awesome X says: the act of sex can be consider one long bracha Tamar says: when do you say barchu u baruch shmo? Tamar says: initial penetration? X says: you don't X says: it would be a hefsek X says: the girl is yoitse on the guy's bracha

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