Losing My Religion

Like many of my religious friends, I have a crisis of faith about once a month. For the most part my crises aren’t serious, and they’ve never prompted me to pull away from the community or from observing any mitzvoth. If it was serious, though, if I decided to pull back from Judaism entirely, I know my family would be upset, and my friends would probably worry, but I don’t know anyone who would disown me or stop talking to me if I stopped observing Shabbat. But if I’d grown up in an ultra-Orthodox community and I suddenly wanted to go secular—well, I’d have to give up on pretty much my entire past. Family, friends, calendar, social structure, I’d have to leave them all behind. And in my new secular life I’d have to learn new social cues, customs, and slang (that’s assuming I had decent English, which isn’t the case for many Hassidim who grow up speaking Yiddish). I’d also have a huge educational deficit. Math, science, and the humanities are a low priority in many ultra-Orthodox schools, which leaves the children with little more than a perfunctory understanding of arithmetic and phonics. Leaving the fold, then, can be a huge scary thing if you’re from Borough Park, Willamsburg, Bnei Brak or Mea Shearim. And so it makes sense that there’s a group dedicated to helping people make the transition from uber-frum to mostly secular, right? The group is called Hillel (I can’t find a website for them, but it’s not the same as the Hillel where you went for Friday night dinner in college), and they help young people who were brought up in religious homes get acclimated to the secular world. They pay for housing, and help with education, according to this article in the Jerusalem Post. The article mentions first that Hillel has trouble raising money in Israel because people see them as a “missionaries of secularism,” and then, as an example of a person helped by Hillel, they spotlight “David,” now a career soldier. David attended a secular cousin’s wedding, and then: ‘"That's when my interest in sex began. I used to play hooky from yeshiva and watch sexy movies. I also bought porno magazines." Hillel helped him get in touch with other formerly religious youth who have become his best friends.’ Is it me, or does the Post make it seem like Hillel is just there to support horny teenagers who want to watch porn? Which, of course, is not what Hillel is about. I’m not saying I think people should leave their communities because there’s an organization to help them go mainstream, I just think it’s worth it to acknowledge that for some people the ultra-Orthodox lifestyle isn’t the best choice. Jewish communal outreach is important, but don’t we also have to help the people who can’t or won’t live in the Jewish communities they were born into? (Check out This American Life episode number 268 for a great story about leaving a Hasidic upbringing behind).