Mel Gibson Is Tired of Apologizing for Being a Big Ol’ Antisemite

Former Sexiest Man Alive Mel Gibson has gone through somewhat of a life crisis over the last few years. He divorced his longtime wife (and the mother of seven of his children) to knock up an aspiring singer from Russia. He also, perhaps more infamously, got pulled over for drunk driving in 2006 and launched into a tirade that involved antisemitic comments like "the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world" and calling a female police offer "sugartits." Now, with the release of his new movie, Edge of Darkness (his first starring role in almost eight years), he’s back on the press circuit. In an interview in Hello! magazine, Mel says of his anti-Jew comments:

It’s said that I went into a rant, but I think it went on for about five words. I was drunk. It just turned into a big thing. I apologized profusely — not once but three times. So what’s the problem? It’s four years ago. Do I need to apologize again?

Aww, poor Mel. It’s so unfair how those meanie Jews who control the media keep asking if you regret your boneheaded behavior. Life is so hard for you. This is like when the six-year-old older brother gets in trouble for hitting the four-year-old younger brother, and when Mom orders him to apologize he sticks his tongue out and says, "I’m sorry." In that case, the six-year-old at least makes it clear that he doesn’t mean his "apology" and is just doing it because someone made him. You, on the other hand? Not only will you fake-apologize to make other people happy, you will bitch about the audacity of someone expecting you to fake-apologize. But you’ll still ask them to buy tickets to your movies! You know what, Mel? You should just go on with your big old antisemitic self. Own that. Wear it on a T-shirt. And then see if anyone keeps giving you interviews, watching your movies, or giving a shit what you have to say about anything. Go ahead. Start now. We’ll be right here.