Izzy’s post made me think about weddings, and spring, and the fact that we’re entering the season of big white dresses, Jordan almonds, and drunk groomsmen.
And all that made me think about the Ketubah, the traditional Jewish marriage contract:
A ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract. It states that the husband commits to provide food, clothing and companionship to his wife, and that he will pay a specified sum of money if he divorces her. If he dies and leaves her as a widow, she can collect the Ketubah money from his estate.
The Ketubah is not part of kiddushin, the actual Jewish marriage ceremony. However, the groom and bride may not engage in marital relations as a consequence of nissuin (the second part of the marriage ceremony) unless two valid witnesses have signed a Ketubah.
Now, whatever I may (or may not) have decided to do when I married my own non-Jewish husband… I’m aware that for people intermarrying, the Ketubah (as well as other traditional aspects of Jewish marriage) can be a stressful thing, even a dealbreaker.
For those people who aspire to a certain level of Jewish observance, but are intermarrying, the sudden realization that you won’t get quite the wedding you bargained for can be rough.
Unity candles? Interfaith ministers? Unending compromise?
All your life you’ve pictured twirling around on a chair. You’ve heard the sound of breaking glass in your wedding dreams. And now you’re discussing whether or not to have a Chuppah? Yikes!
But, though compromise is a lesson you need to learn, intermarriage doesn’t mean giving up everything you’ve dreamed of… This is a big amazing world we live in, full of all kinds of new inventions.
And that’s why I wanted to alert you all to the existence of interfaith Ketubah makers:
And yet another (though this one goes a little overboard in interfaith rhetoric I think)
While they may not hold any water from a traditional Jewish (legal) standpoint, neither does your marriage.
So get used to it. Figuring out how you’re going to approach these issues might be better worked out on the wedding details now…
…Than your kids later…